#trickster loki

Honestly, with this recession going on even dragons are hard-up, and the last lair Loki and Thor had tried to raid turned out to belong to a nice elderly lady-dragon who had very few jewels left, and offered them tea instead. She roasted a few slices of toast on her own flame for them which turned out to be just a bit stale, and only a little charred.

 It had been one of their better days.

  Now the problem is that Odin’s birthday (name day, coronation anniversary, whatever) is approaching, and the idea of the quest was to find a really special gift for him. Since this has gone awry, it’s only logical that there’s a lot of bickering. Also, several attempts at blame-shifting are being made. Furthermore, nightfall is near and there’s not enough coin left for an inn. Thor is very miffed about missing supper, and Loki moans for his daily bath. Both hate the idea of having to sleep behind some hedge again:

 Thor:

Well, Loki, if you hadn’t wasted so much gold on that bloody useless magical artefact, we’d be better off now.

Loki:

Is that so? Pray tell me then, brother, who spend the change on ale and wenches?

Thor:

Just a bit of fun...

Loki: ...

(sulks, because he had not been invited along to join the party)

  Suddenly they see a group of five bulky men approaching. Thor hides Mjolnir under his cape. He hopes that he and Loki won’t get recognized, and that the strangers will leave them alone.

 No such luck, though.

 The strangers turn out to be genuine bullies who do not recognise the princes and try to pick a fight soon enough. But they look wealthy, so Loki gets closer to his brother and whispers four words into his ear: ‘meal tickets’, and ‘remember Vanaheim’. Thor grins, and grabs Loki by the neck.

 “Ah, brother,” Thor says. “Always ready to do a runner, are you not?”

 Loki smiles embarrassed. His shoulders drop by an inch, and he is slouching now while his eyes are wide open in his best deer-caught-in-a-headlight impression. Thor is impressed.

 “What did he say?” One of the bullies asks (he probably looks a lot like Volstagg, Fandral or whoever you like least in the MCU) (making him actually look like Odin would probably be a bit too much).

 “My brother feels that a little fight would do him some good,” Thor answers, a nasty smile on his face.

 The strangers look at Loki, who is no longer only in distress, but obviously about to panic. He whimpers, and manages to get behind Thor where he puts his arms around his brother’s waist while trying to hide under his cape at the same time.

 It’s a stupid idea, and does not work at all.

 The bullies watch the graceless performance in silence. Then they start to grin.

 This is beginning to look like fun.

 One of them tells Thor that, although they are warriors and far above such simpering mollycoddles like his brother, they feel it’s their duty to teach him a lesson.

 At this point, Thor suggest a bet. “My brother fights one of you. If he wins, you’ll let us pass, if he loses, you’ll get this.” Thor shows them a well-filled leather pouch. Yes, Loki’s up to his old tricks and has cast an illusion.

 “Could be copper,” one of the strangers says.

 Thor opens the pouch and lets the bullies see a handsome collection of gold coins. He can almost feel how greed is taking over the other men’s brains.

Good. This means that Loki’s plan is working.

 “Very well,” another stranger says. “Why don’t we take this off you right now?”

 The God of Thunder lifts his cape a little and lets them have a short glimpse at his war hammer. “Because of this.”

 This changes everything. Although the bullies do not recognize Mjolnir, Thor’s celebrated theurgic weapon, they know that a big, determined guy with a large hammer can do a lot of damage before getting overwhelmed. So they back off a little.

 “It seems a bit unfair, though, that only one of us is allowed to have some fun.”

 Thor laughs. “Don’t get greedy, friends. I don’t feel like carrying my brother all the way home.”

 Everybody (except Loki) laughs. “Done that before, what?”

 “All the time,” Thor says and drags his squealing brother in front of him. “Just take a look.”

 BTW: Loki is putting on a great show. There’s just any amount of whimpering, wailing, sobbing, begging even.

 The bullies look at the pale, scrawny man with the drooping shoulders and bad posture. Loki is trembling, and looking firmly to the ground. His long hair is covering his face.

 “Looks ergi to me.”

 “Ah, I’ve heard that before. Let’s just say he’s a disappointment to our family in many respects.”

 “So we all could have some fun afterwards?”

 “And why not? You know the type. It’s all the same to them,” Thor tells the strangers. He knows he’s playing with fire here, risking perhaps even more than Loki has bargained for. But hey, he’s the Mighty Thor, the God of Thunder, and he’s got Mjolnir on his side. He can always punch their way out, so why not? 

 Loki is down to pleading now. “Brother, please...”

But apparently his golden sibling refuses to listen.

  The strangers are drawing straws while Loki desperately clings to his brother’s arm in a last attempt to safe himself.

 “Does he have a weapon?” Asks the bully who has drawn the short straw.

 Thor shrugs. “Do you carry a weapon, brother?”

 “Fruit knife,” Loki sobs.

 This earns him another round of laughter.

 Without showing any signs of mercy, Thor pushes his younger brother forward.

 Everybody’s silent now, and Loki looks up very, very slowly. Anything that seemed submissive about him only moments ago has gone. He’s wearing a wide, nasty sneer and has got a wild, almost feral expression in his eyes. Even his hair manages to look somehow aggressive.

 Moreover, he’s holding a vicious looking blade in his right hand.

 “That’s a fruit knife?” The stranger asks stupidly.

 Loki looks at the knife like he is noticing it for the first time. “Well, yes,” he says. It’s the knife he uses for pilfering from Idunn’s garden, and oh boy, the Goddess of Spring and Youth knows how to grow a mean fruit. Some of them fight right back.

 Loki attacks, and of course he downs baddy #1 within seconds. Then he beats the crap out of the remaining four just for the hell of it.

 Thor watches him with a proud smile. Yep, that’s him. His little baby brother.

 “You know, brother,” Loki says. “I think my armour got a little soiled while I was busy teaching this lowly scum a lesson.”

 “In that case I think we should demand a modest fee for your trouble.” Thor meets exactly zero resistance from the fallen warriors as he starts to collect their coins.

 It’s a good haul, and the brothers sleep in an excellent inn that night. There’s even enough to buy an appropriate gift for Odin, but that’s Chapter 2. I’m more than willing to tell you what follows, just not today. Sorry.

*****