#trichjournal

I’ve had the worst ocd episode of my life. It’s like my brain is trying to tell me everything I thought I knew about myself is a lie. I feel like I’m a prisoner to my mind. My therapist suggested I start an ssri so that erp can go smoother. I need opinions on celexa and Lexapro please if you have had experience with them. I’m scared of medication and have been trying to use cbd oil (which is great), but I feel I need more. I’m desperate and can’t live like this any longer. Please I need advice

I can’t believe I’m writing this. The love of my life, my best friend, the one who made me see the light after my last toxic relationship, has destroyed me. The ultimate betrayal. I don’t know how I will move on. The light has gone out of my life.

I’m going to get vulnerable...I’m officially diagnosed with GAD and ocd. No shock here, it’s been a long time coming. It’s nice having a label, but it’s also really overwhelming. Quarantine and covid has made my ocd a million times worse and I have multiple breakdowns a day because I can’t deal with the obsessive thoughts anymore. I try to distract, but they’re always there, lingering. I can never be at peace. Sorry for the dark post, life is at a stand still, but my mind is far from it.

I’ve reached the 4th week of crying every single day. The 4th week of ripping out the hair that I grew out the past year. But through all of this, I slowly feel the light creeping back in. I started therapy because I can’t navigate my mind on my own anymore. I signed up for a weekly yoga class. I am diving myself into my career, and discovering myself again. I am not finding myself, but instead creating myself.

I am straight up not okay. This has been an extremely dark week for me. My only sense of normalcy (work) is gone. My anxiety is so high, my eyes are constantly filled with tears. With no end in sight, I don’t know how much more I can take. All I want is to talk to him. Maybe I will reach out. Even though I already know how it will go. I’m surrounded by family but have never felt more alone.

Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. 10 months? So much of life is the same yet so different. I took a progression photo awhile ago of my hair growth, but ironically pulled out half of what I had grown out for months after doing so. Maybe I will post it sometime. Hope the trich community is doing okay-I know the holidays can be tough. Xx