#trauma.ment

1) Ace vs. Aro vs. Aroace

Do a bit of research (or maybe you’re here because you’re trying to do research, and if that’s the case, good for you). You’ll quickly find that asexuality, aromanticism, and being aroace are three similar identities, BUT NOT THE SAME. Think of them as cousins if you will. This post is just about ace characters, and while many of these topics can also be true for aroace characters, you still need to be aware of the difference. Ace, or asexual, means a lack of interest in sexual activity, or lack of sexual attraction.

2) Not all ace people are sex repulsed & being ace is different than abstenance (or however you spell it)

Some ace people hate the idea of sex (sex repulsed), while other asexual people don’t mind it (sex indifferent), or even enjoy it (sex favorable), but they don’t feel an attraction toward people sexually. 

A common example to conseptualize this is the cake analogy, where cake represents sex:

Non ace (in the ace community, referred to as allo, or allosexual): Wow. that cake looks so good. I really want to have some.

Abstenant allo: I love cake, but I’m on a diet

Sex favorable ace: I don’t want the cake, but if I had it, I would like it.

Sex indifferent ace: I don’t really mind the cake either way.

Sex repulsed ace: I don’t like cake.

3) Being ace is not a mental disorder, nor is it inherently caused by trauma

It’s long been disproven that being asexual is caused by an imbalance of hormones, or that it’s a mental illness. Please do not write your ace character that way. 

Also, while trauma can cause people to become ace, and being ace because of trauma is just as real and valid as being ace without a reason, being ace is not an indicator of trauma. While it’s important for people who’ve experienced trauma to be heard, and to have their stories told, it would also be great to see asexuality be represented as it is: a sexual orientation. I would encourage you to make your character ace without having a “reason why they became ace.”

4) Be deliberate

Ace characters frequently get their identities ignored, and the more explicitly you make them ace, the better. Ideally, you use the word asexual or ace, or, if that word doesn’t exist in your character’s world, there’s another word that means the same thing. If not, have them talk about it, maybe they tell someone that you know what? they’re just not into that sort of thing. Or they talk about how all of their friends seem to love the idea of sex when they just don’t see what all the hype is about.

Which leads to...

5) The ace experience varies

Some asexuals don’t realize their identities until they’re older because they didn’t realize that they were “supposed” to like it. Some asexuals think that they’re broken (they’re not) for not liking it. Some asexuals are proud of being ace. Some asexuals realize they’re ace, and never think about it again. Some asexuals lived in positive environments where their identiles were validated. Others were bullied. Some asexuals didn’t hear about being ace until they were older. Others heard about it when they were still kids.

Basically, this means that you’ve pretty much got a huge variety of expereinces to choose from, when writing your ace character. That being said with all characters, their history will affect their present personality, so if they were bullied for being ace, they’re probably more likely to shove that part of them down, or be less willing to talk about it, whereas if they were supported, they might be more open.

6) Most ace people don’t really care if someone else is having sex

It’s not about not liking it as a whole, but rather not enjoying doing it personally. If someone is sex repulesed, they may not enjoy hearing about it, but the fact that people do it in general usually is not a big deal.

This means that even if you’re trying follow point 4 and be deliberate, having your character say ew every time the word sex comes up tends to come off as more childish, which is not positive representation.

7) Being ace is not a phase

People are not just “immature” for being ace, nor is this “just a phase” If your character arc is about going from being ace to being allo, then maybe rethink that one since that isn’t usually appreciated in the community. 

Execption (this isn’t really an exception): if you have an ace who is not also aromantic, you are allowed to let them find love, though that love is going to be driven far more by character than by looks or desire to have sex. If their partner wants to do it, they may be willing to (or they may not be), but it will be for their partner, rather than a want or desire to engage in sex itself. Please make anything like this consentual. Please. If you’re going this route, please reread anything you write to make sure that the character’s relationship still alligns with their identity.

8) Being ace does not mean having a low libido (sex drive)

Yes, that’s right. There are (and you are allowed to include in your story) asexuals who are really horny. They’re still not going to look at someone - especially a stranger - and think to themselves “I wanna fuck them”