IMPOOPSTER SYNDROME.

Just Ash by Sol Santana

i am in so much pain. she's punishing me for what i'm about to do.

my gender is boy but also it's not boy because i'm the lack of gender and all the genders at once. i am a girl in the ways that i feel like one through the things i didn't feel before i was a boy. yeah i'm he/they but in my mind i'm she/her and i have the confidence to wear dresses and i can use feminine terms without it feeling like i've been misgendered. but yeah i'm a he/they and i've been a boy my whole life, and my gender is too complicated to put into words. i'm pretty and i'm handsome, i see myself in the words "beautiful girl" but if anyone else calls me that, i'll say that i'm a boy because that's who i am, i beg to be called handsome and it makes me feel the happiest when i look like a teenage boy with good makeup skills. i like to draw flowers on my arms and my notebooks are pink, i wear eyeliner every day and i love to sing and take pictures of sunsets, but i'm the most masculine person i know. i use fae/xe pronouns and i feel like i've never been fully human. i'm a boy and i'm a girl, i'm somewhere outside of the binary and i'm everywhere inside it, i'm an entity that i see when i look in the mirror, trapped in human skin. it changes every day and sometimes the only one who seems to know what it is is my cat. my gender rises above the restrictions of language and so i have to show it through the glimmer in my eyes when someone calls me "ollie."