"no version of this where I didn't come get you.."

Bro I just nearly fucking died

My throats fucked but I like inhaled toothpaste and my throat seized up and I couldn’t breathe worst part is I spat toothpaste everywhere trying to get it out of my mouth and my throat is like fuzzy now?? Water did not help honey tea might

Absolutely flawless how did you get these photos?

I can never leave here

“i liked it before it was cool” well i liked it AFTER it was cool when everyone abandoned it

i get really into shows that aired like 5+ years ago like “have y’all heard of this”

the first few times shane blows ilya and and ilya knows he's so eager to please and be The Best but he also wants shane to have a good time and to not hurt himself so he's like okay okay slow down, easy easy, dick is not going anywhere i promise, it's only your second time sucking dick ever you don't have to choke on it, please remember to breathe and at the same time shane is like if can't make him cry while i deepthroat it then what even is the point

This has always bothered me too and it didn't make sense until someone older told me that when they were growing up "scare quotes" were used the way we used *asterisks* or ALL CAPS for emphasis

i love shane because in some ways he's just so Jock and so Boy like he has zero houseplants (except for maybe a cactus or two) because he doesn't care and he forgets to water them and his house would look like shit without a designer because all his walls would be metros blue and he has to hire someone to tell him what kind of clothes to wear and his favourite thing is Sports but i just know he also doesn't play about his microfiber cleaning cloths and he stores leftovers in glass containers instead of plastic containers because microplastic and you have to use the back entrance on rainy days because he doesn't want mud on his nice floors

Like I just knooooow people are tired of them. Everyone knows without being told that they are having freak sex CONSTANTLY and that they are so in love about it. Like how does it feel to be together for twelve years married for one and you are STILL knocking the walls down every night. Everyone said it HAS to stop at some point and they are WRONG. Second season on the Cens Shane is still coming in routinely with bite marks on the BACK OF HIS SHOULDER and there is only one mathematical explanation for how they got there. Like ohhhh my name is Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov and the only thing I do is win Stanley Cups and have hot freaky athletic people sex with a man who would kill and die for me and I make MILLIONS OF MONEYS while doing it. I know people hate them.

shoutout to my boy shane he is riddled with anxiety, he drinks gross smoothies, his special interests are hockey and sex and they surprisingly overlap quite a lot, he has too many pillows, he has never been calm about anything in his life, he will kill himself if he doesn’t get first place, the worst thing that could ever happen to him is going to a club