Turn Right: Chapter Fifteen
“Niall fucking Horan, this is all your fau- DEAR JESUS!”
Soph huddled slightly closer to Zayn, letting him think she was cold. It was only Rose that noticed how Soph anxiously wrapped her arms around her stomach, looking sick. Isolde’s screams of pain wasn’t comfortable listening, especially amongst the other hospital noises – machines bleeping, nurses walking briskly up and down the corridor and talking to one another, the gaunt, worried faces of fellow waiting family members and friends to other mothers in labour.
“Remind me not to get you pregnant any time soon.” Zayn muttered to Soph, with a lopsided grin. Soph managed a shaky, brief smile. “Don’t worry, babe, you’re getting the operation thingy when we have kids.”
“C-section.” Soph mumbled uncomfortably, her correction gone unnoticed, something at the back of her mind waking her up slightly. In the remote corner of her brain that hadn’t been taken over by the odd haze she’d been in for the past few days, Soph felt slightly... Affronted. Not that Soph was a particularly big fan of children, but shouldn’t it be her own choice, how she planned on bringing the child she’d been carrying for nine months, into the world? She wasn’t saying it wasn’t something she’d discuss with her partner –
Zayn, Soph corrected herself mentally, her muscles tensing slightly. She was talking as if she wasn’t married, as if there was some distant future awaiting her. No. She was married to Zayn. This was her future.
Soph’s haze almost came back, but she fought it.
Soph felt as if, if it was bothering her so much, she should try and correct Zayn – after all, he wouldn’t know something was wrong unless she told him outright, something he’d proven recently – but she felt as if... Well, the moment was gone. She’s sound whiny, like a petulant child even, if she complained about it now, when the topic of conversation had already changed.
Soph didn’t pay much attention to the conversation around her, switching off as soon as she realized that it wasn’t necessary for her to contribute. Isolde was still screaming – and possibly cursing in Gaelic, Soph was still trying to work that out – in pain, as she had been for the past eleven and a half hours now.
The original plan had been to arrive in Ireland a week before Isolde’s predicted due date, leaving in the evening, to arrive early in Ireland the next day. However, Isolde had rang from Niall’s mother’s phone just after the show, telling Niall that his baby was coming early – her contractions had begun and she just knew - and if he didn’t make it down there immediately to witness for himself the pain he was causing Isolde, then she was going to kill him herself.
Needless to say, they’d left slightly earlier than anticipated.
Soph had been fairly surprised that Isolde hadn’t disliked the idea of her waiting for the baby, regardless of being there for her or Niall. The boys had shown a surprising amount of brotherly solitude, by shuffling in awkwardly after Niall as he ran into the hospital – and Isolde had spoken to Rose the odd time, per Niall’s request, too. And now, here they were.
Slowly, Isolde had warmed to Soph, though both Soph and Rose knew it would kill Isolde to admit it. Isolde was friendly enough with Rose – Soph was more proud of her best friend than jealous; Rose was so approachable, it was one of the many ways they balanced each other out, what with Soph’s constant state of aggression -, and in a funny sort of way, the three girls had become their own wing of the 1D family. Soph thought so, anyway. She wouldn’t mention that to Rose – Rose would only scoff and mention something about being the band groupie. Which, though a thought that once would have made Rose weak at the knees, wasn’t so wonderful anymore at the ripe age of almost twenty-four.
Soph allowed her to mind to drift towards thoughts of Rose, something much more interesting – and less terrifying – than the sounds of Isolde's guttural shrieks of pain.
She was proud of Rose. There was a change in her, something Soph was proud of.
Contrary to popular belief, Rose was nowhere near as meek and quiet as people liked to assume. She was kickass and independent and opinionated and did not tolerate idiots – but, amongst all of that, Rose felt emotions much deeper than Soph did. She was... aware of people's feelings and if they were people she cared about, no matter what happened, she'd never be able to knowingly hurt them, even if it was for herself.
That was why it was so difficult for Rose to just... Let go of everything that had happened with Ryan and Eddie and Harry. She cared too much.
However, Rose was finally beginning to look after herself. The two of them had spoken about it, of course, but there was still room for Soph to admire how resolved Rose was – throughout the entirety of the tour so far, Rose had kept her distance from Harry. Not to prove she could, not to make him chase after her, but just because – whether she cared for him or not – Harry wasn't good for her. Not right now. And, Rose had admitted, she was pretty sure she hadn't had the most positive impact on Harry either.
It was just as Soph was mulling over Rose's newfound confidence, that Rose surveyed her best friend suspiciously.
Something with Soph was wrong.
Although the tour had been wonderful, in terms of spending time together, Rose could feel Soph's... Distance. Rose liked to think she was just being suspicious, but she knew Soph too well for that. Something was up with Soph, and Rose had the most terrible feeling that it was to do with Zayn.
Looking back, things had moved too fast. Soph and Zayn, ultimately, barely knew each other. Rose felt uneasy about how comfortably Zayn touched her, as if it were nothing, when Rose knew how much meaning one little touch could have to Soph. It was almost... A demeaning, a demeaning of everything Soph had expected her life and love and marriage to be, and Zayn didn’t even realize it. Rose was worried. Their relationship, prior to marriage, had been so full of fire before – and now, it was as if somebody had poured cold water over Soph’s head and washed away everything she’d been in the enigma that was “Zoph”, or “Sayn” (the latter being a popular one with fans –“they’re so cute – they drive me inSAYN” was a popular saying, whenever new pictures of Zayn and Soph were released), making her... Hollow, instead. She smiled and laughed and joked with fans, but Soph had always been good at pretending – and Rose knew when she was. The scariest part of it all, was that Soph wasn’t even trying that hard to any more.
Neither of them made a note of how long they sat there for, thinking.
All they know was that, suddenly, the screaming stopped... Just as a small, strangled cry started.
The four waiting members of One Direction, Soph and Rose – their previous thoughts temporarily forgotten - all froze and glanced at each other, holding their breath. Niall’s mother had since gone home, trying to find a relative of Isolde’s to contact – it was just them, waiting, listening to the strange noise, unsure of how to respond.
A few moments later, Niall tearfully approached them, the sound quietly fading away as they all stood.
Wiping away at his face with the back of his hand, Niall told them –
- before bursting into the type of happy, proud tears that only a father could shed.
Two teas – one with three sugars, the other with only a little bit of milk and a half-spoon of sugar, two bottles of water, one Coke Zero, one medium-temperature caramel macchiato with extra shots and no cream and a hot chocolate.
Rose felt her muscles automatically tense as she felt Harry’s bicep brush against hers, all thoughts of memorizing her requests out of the window. How had he done that? How had he magically appeared out of nowhere?
“I didn’t realize you liked babies so much.” Harry said conversationally.
Rose grit her teeth, trying not to raise to his bait. He’s doing it for attention, Rose reminded herself. He’s doing it because he needs an ego boost and no nurse here is enough of his usual stupid, vapid type that I used to be, who will fall for his bullshit.
“I didn’t realize you liked coffee.” Rose replied tightly, barely glancing over her shoulder.
Harry smiled to himself as he glanced at the ground, sneaking a proper look at Rose underneath his eyelashes. She looked... Well, amazing. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a messy ponytail, and she was only in jeans, a pair of boots and a slightly sparkly knit jumper, but... Well. He’d never admit it out loud – he had difficulty admitting it to himself – but he’d missed everything about her.
The green eyes, the ones that sparkled when she was happy, or dimmed to an emerald green when she was angry or upset. The way she would look anywhere but to him when she was nervous, when he was having an effect on her – like now.
The way she remembered that he hated coffee, of all of the things in the world.
“I actually came to give you a hand, taking them all up.” Harry told her casually, his arm brushing against her jumper again. He saw her fist clench by her side, and took that only as a good thing. “So, how’s l-”
“Can you just stop, please?” Rose rounded on him. Nope. She couldn’t be patient. Not with Harry, of all people. She just... The two words didn’t even compute when in the same sentence. “Just stop, okay? What suddenly makes you think you can break our happy winning streak of not talking for the past three months? It’s not like we haven’t seen each other every day and ignored each other, there’s no need to make stupid small-talk in the line for the hospital coffee shop, Harry, Jesus.”
Harry said nothing as Rose turned away again in disgust, probably muttering Australian insults under her breath. Her Australian accent had become less noticeable since the last time they’d properly spoken, Harry noticed – and, with a weird, foggy feeling, Harry realized that the last time they’d “properly” spoken, had been when she’d found him with another girl at Eddie’s apartment.
“Actually, you spoke to me first-” Harry began, only for Rose to let out something that sounded a lot like a small battle-cry and face him again – just like he wanted.
“I spoke to you about-” Rose glanced around, making sure nobody else was listening. Thankfully, there weren’t many people around. “- our mutual friend! If Niall hadn’t been so stressed out these past few weeks, I would have gone to him, don’t think you’re special!”
“I am special - you kissed me, didn’t you?”
In fairness to Harry, he hadn’t expected those words to tumble out of his mouth the way they had. Judging by Rose’s expression, she hadn’t expected to hear them, either; but, Harry, being Harry, decided to go with it. After all, what reason did Rose have to be hostile towards him – other than be annoyed at herself for still having feelings for him?
He’d been thinking about it ever since Rose had stormed up to him in the make-up room – and possibly scaring the Hell out of the girl Harry had been flirting with.
They hadn’t spoken, in what, four months now? Including tour time? The maximum communication they had was fleetingly catching the other’s eye, when they awkwardly glanced at each other sideways in the hallways. What possible reason could Rose have to be angry?
She couldn’t be angry, that was what Harry understood of it. Not still, after all this time. He’d been hurt, by the way she’d rejected him beforehand, and she’d been upset at herself – clearly – for not clarifying she didn’t want Harry to see other women. She’d started spending more time with Eddie, something Harry took for granted to be platonic.
And now, here they were, four months later. Honestly, Harry hadn’t heard a word of what she’d been yelling at him those few days back, and he honestly didn’t care. The avenue of communication was open. They were talking. There was antagonism.
And where there was antagonism with Rose and Harry, there was sexual tension – hadn’t breaking the tension been Harry’s Christmas present from Rose last year, after all?
It was still a shock to Harry, to think it would soon be a year since his and Rose’s acquaintance had... Amalgamated into whatever the Hell it was now. In a way, Harry was sort of proud. After all, he’d just proven Rose was still interested after all this time, hadn’t he? Rose was right. They had a winning streak. Just not in the way she’d said it.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but whatever messed up thing that happened between us is over now, alright? We’re done. So just leave it alone.” Rose told Harry coldly. “Tell yourself I’m not good for you, if that’s what helps. You’re certainly no good for me and this pointless drama of you trying to prove you can still treat me as your chick on the side is anything but entertaining.” Rose’s eyes scoured over Harry’s body, once up, once down. “Get over yourself.” She told him, moving over to the next line, despite it being longer.
For a moment, Harry stood there, Rose’s words sinking in. Despite it grating on his ego – Harry walked back over to her, to her irritation. What did he have to lose? It seemed as if the more he bugged her, the more he got.
“Do you not get a hint?” Rose yelled in exasperation. “You’re like a disease, you’re not good for anyone! Just leave me alone!”
That one stung, Harry had to admit. It was like the first time he’d screwed up on stage all over again. He almost asked – why? What did I, what do I ever do?
But he didn’t, because honestly? Harry knew the answer to that one.
He’d messed with Rose’s heart.
In that moment, there was so much Harry wanted to say – how sorry he was, that although he didn’t understand why he’d behaved the way he had, he still sucked, that even if Rose never looked at him again (though, of course, he didn’t seriously think that was a problem), he wanted her to know he was still there for her, he was still her friend...
But that was when he saw that Rose was angrily fighting tears. So, in one of his rarer moments, Harry did what suited Rose – and admittedly, what he hoped would work in his favour later – and went silent, taking a few steps back.
It hurt Rose more that she thought it would, though it was still... Less than she’d expected.
Yet, it was when she realized that Harry hadn’t actually left, that a numb shock came over her.
Because, right in the bottom of her chest, she was still glad.
Niall couldn’t get over it.
Alanna was... Stunning. And he, he had helped create that.
Niall loved One Direction. He’d always said that years after they’d disbanded and been long forgotten, he’d still be wearing 1D t-shirts. But fame had come at a price to him; it had come with a brand new, specially catered batch of insecurities. He wasn’t attractive enough, especially to be brushing shoulders with the likes of Harry Styles and Zayn Malik – his teeth were too crooked, his eyes were weird, his hair wasn’t sexy, they couldn’t understand his accent, he wasn’t talented enough.
Of course, there were the good fans too, the ones who told him to ignore the others and called him talented and beautiful and everything else... But, as Harry had once found out for himself, the nasty comments lingered longer in the head. Now, the comments didn’t bother Niall so much – they stung, but he had his brothers at hand -, but as he looked down at the – his – baby, at his daughter Alanna...
She was stunning, just as a newborn. She had small, perfect pink lips that formed a pout parallel to Isolde’s own displeased one, as she slept. Her hair was surprisingly thicker than Niall had expected, and was a golden blonde – not quite the lightness of Niall’s, nor with the dark shades of Isolde’s – a perfect in-between. She even had fingernails! Tiny, little fingernails, at the ends of long, thin fingers, not the bulky mess Niall’s own hands were.
She’d been showered and was in her first babygro, a simple white one with brown trim. Niall committed it to memory. Alanna’s first babygro.
Niall had always burst into tears again when he’d seen that she was wearing the cardigan he’d bought her on top – it was a white, heavy thing, with a small hood with bear ears on the top. He’d bought it on a whim and had felt too shy and self-conscious to point it out to anybody – so he’d simply added it to the giant suitcase of gifts and cards for Alanna that he’d accumulated over tour.
While Alanna had been taken to be cleaned, the others had come in to see Isolde and congratulate her, Soph in particular. Rose had gone to find some caffeine upon Isolde’s request – she didn’t want to rest just yet – and Niall had stormed off, trying to find out who had snatched off his baby for her first bath without one of her parents present.
It was an overwhelming feeling, becoming a parent. Niall could only assume that his age added to the feeling. His chest felt like it was going to burst and all of a sudden, Niall was constantly angry at the thought of anybody so much as looking at his daughter. His daughter. The words felt alien on his tongue, but he felt such pride to say them. His daughter. His baby. His own little world.
Niall decided that if anybody, anybody, so much as looked at Alanna as if she wasn’t the most wonderful baby in the world, he was going to slug them, then and there. She was perfect. Utterly perfect.
“Don’t you want to hold her?”
Niall looked up at the nurse in surprise. Isolde was sleeping soundly in the cot, her fists loosely curled at her sides, freshly bathed and ready for Isolde. The boys were probably waiting awkwardly outside as Isolde cleaned herself up – Niall imagined Soph would be there, helping somehow, as Rose saw to Isolde’s nutritional needs -, and Alanna was simply waiting for her mother to call her.
Niall barely stuttered out a response, feeling his cheeks blush red. Judging from the security of the place, Niall knew the nurse must know something was special about this baby – let alone she was the child of one fifth of the Urban Dictionary definition of stardom. Niall had heard, somehow, that the press were barely outside the hospital ground boundaries, but he’d been too otherwise occupied with a fuming and screaming Isolde to check.
“Her mother isn’t going to mind, you helped make her.” The nurse laughed. “Your girl has had enough of looking after this one, I think, she isn’t going to begrudge you taking your share!”
Niall could barely speak as the nurse scooped Alanna into her arms, Alanna murmuring soft baby noises at the disturbance.
Panic rose in his chest as Alanna’s mumbles grew louder and the nurse offered her to him, with an encouraging smile. He couldn’t hold her! She – she was too delicate! He’d drop her. Oh, God, what if he dropped her and killed her? NO! He would never hurt her! But what if he did? What if it was an accident?
And then, out of nowhere, Alanna’s whimpers became a full, blown-out scream storm.
“Quickly, she doesn’t seem to like me very much!” The nurse laughed, offering her.
And then, somehow, Niall was holding Alanna in his arms.
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to happen – for her to stop crying instantaneously? For the Hallelujah chorus to start somewhere, and for Alanna to become a glowing beacon of heavenly light?
Well, whatever it was he had been expecting, it wasn’t the even louder shriek that came out from Alanna’s seemingly innocent mouth, as she kicked and batted away at him.
Niall felt a feeling of crushing feeling of disappointment, mingled with absolute, pure terror.
Just like that, everything he’d felt before – the pride, the sense of responsibility, the fatherly affection – went out of the window, Niall’s mind going blank. All of this time, Niall had been treating it as if he was the one who needed to accept Alanna – it hadn’t even occurred to him it might be the other way around.
“I don't know what to do.” Niall told the nurse helplessly, trying to pass Alanna back as she silently fixed the placement of Alanna's head. “She's crying, take her!”
“I'm going to leave you alone with her. New parents need it.” The nurse told him with a quick smile, before disappearing.
Niall stood there for a moment, helplessly holding the screaming child in his arms. Was she even allowed to do that? To leave such a young newborn with somebody as unpractised as Niall? He... He could have her fired! She probably just wanted a break!
“Urgh, Alanna, I don't know if I can even take you to Isolde yet, please stop crying.” Niall said desperately, as Alanna bawled. “Are you hungry? Do you need a nappy change? Can you need a nappy change?”
Alanna simply shrieked some more, as if to tell her father – get away from me! You suck at this!
Niall had a sudden idea. It was crazy and he'd probably get into a ton of trouble from the hospital staff, but...
“So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long...” Niall began to sing quietly, rocking Alanna awkwardly back and forth. Alanna gurgled slightly, squirming in Niall's arms as she seemed to listen. “Sometimes I don't know what I will find, I know it's only a matter of time when you love someone...”
Alanna let out a large, angry cry.
“Okay, sorry, how about...” Niall frantically flipped through his iPod in his head, trying to think of something child friendly. Strangely, he couldn't think of anything, and began to sing the first thing that came into his head. “Yeah, darlin', go make it happen – take the world in a love embrace. Fire all your guns at once and explode into space...”
Alanna's shriek stopped slightly, becoming an almost indecipherable murmur instead.
“Like a true nature's child, you were born, born to be wild.” Niall continued, his heart soaring as Alanna wriggled comfortably into his chest... Just as Niall felt himself falter, and forget the rest of the song. Was there a rest of the song? “Sorry, darlin', your silly Daddy's forgotten the rest of the song.” Niall murmured anxiously as Alanna became restless again. “I'm really sorry.” Niall repeated, kissing the little girl's forehead as tears welled up in eyes. Maybe Isolde had been right. Maybe he couldn't do this. Maybe he was just wasting everybody's time.
That was when Alanna Horan opened up her icy blue eyes and looked up at her father for the first time; and, as coolly as a newborn child possibly could, curled her fingers around his thumb and kept him close as she drifted back to sleep.
Or, Niall thought to himself as more proud tears threatened to run down his cheeks, maybe he had been right after all.
“All cleaned up.” Soph smiled.
“Hardly, I’m a mess up here.” Isolde sighed, brushing her fingertips against her temples. She grimaced. “And... Down there.”
Soph laughed, sitting down beside her. Despite having heard her screaming less than an hour ago, Isolde had a glow about her that Soph couldn’t deny. In fact, if somebody had described Isolde’s attitude earlier compared to now, Soph wouldn’t have believed it was the same person.
Actually, no, she would have - just because it was Isolde -, but with anybody else, it’d be different.
Soph hadn’t seen Alanna properly yet and wasn’t pushing to. She knew that Niall had his own... Soul-searching to do, his own bonding with Alanna to do. He needed to find his way with his daughter and Soph didn’t want to interfere with that.
“You know, the first time we met, I really didn’t think you were sincere, in wanting to help me.” Isolde said suddenly, making Soph glance up at her in surprise from where she’d been fiddling with her nails. “I thought that you just wanted to be the It Girl yourself.” Isolde paused, looking at Soph seriously. “Sorry for falling to stereotype.” Isolde said quietly, but not so quiet that Soph wouldn’t hear.
That surprised Soph more than it should have. In Soph’s mind, Isolde had... Not apologized exactly, she was too like Soph to do that - but... Accepted her, by letting her help her after Alanna’s birth. That and the fact Isolde had sanctioned Soph’s attendance at all.
Automatically, Soph wrapped her arms around her stomach, cuddling herself.
“Don’t apologize.” Soph told her kindly, interrupting Isolde before she could continue. “No, seriously, don’t, this is way too weird for the both of us!” Soph told her, wrinkling her nose.
Both girls laughed, before falling silent again.
“Soph, can I ask you something?” Isolde asked tentatively, after a moment.
“Sure.” Soph shrugged, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s up?”
Isolde surveyed Soph with mild interest for a moment. It was startling, how much Soph had changed since she’d last seen her. The first - and last - time Isolde and Soph had met, was when Soph was a newlywed, visiting Isolde on Niall’s request, to beseech her to allow Niall to play a role in Alanna’s life. She’d been wry and honest and just as watchful as Isolde had been of her; but she’d radiated something. Not happiness, per se, but... Confidence? Hope? Perhaps a mix between the two.
Now, it was different. Soph seemed... Much more aware of herself, much less comfortable in her own skin. Isolde didn’t know her well enough to say she’d noticed over the phone, but whatever difference Isolde had thought she’d heard in Soph’s voice was much more apparent in person.
Maybe it was because Isolde had just “officially” become a mother and she was feeling a protective over anybody around, in Alanna’s absence...
Soph’s fidgeting stopped in that instant and, in that moment, it felt as if her heart had just stopped.
“What, are you indoctrinating the masses to pop out dribbling sprogs like you now, too?” Soph said sharply, wincing slightly as she realized the harshness of what she’d just said. Isolde said nothing, watching Soph as if she were slightly bored. Soph snapping like that was all the proof she needed. “I’m not pregnant.”
“But you either want to be, or think you are.” Isolde pushed.
Soph watched Isolde stonily for a moment. In an odd sort of way, it made Isolde relax even more. Feisty Soph, she could handle. It was that weird shadow that she’d become that made Isolde unsure of how to be around her.
“Neither.” Soph told her calmly. “I don’t want to be pregnant and I’m not, which works out pretty well for me, don’t you think?”
Isolde wasn’t stupid and the notion that Soph was treating her as such didn’t bode well with her - but, seeing shadows outside her room door, Isolde said nothing. Anyway - judging by Soph’s expression, she didn’t need to.
Niall came in then, followed by the boys and Rose, who Soph noticed to look suspiciously flustered... Just as she realized that Harry was carrying coffee, just like Rose.
“Here she is. Say hi to mummy, sweetheart.” Niall whispered, the rest of them watching with fascination. Soph moved out of the way, quickly sandwiching herself strategically between Harry and Rose, rather than Zayn.
Isolde noticed, but was soon too busy with her baby.
“Somebody’s gotten close.” Isolde said quietly, with a hint of a smile as she looked down at Alanna, as Niall gently passed her over. Much to Niall’s delight, Alanna let out a small murmur of disapproval, as the finger of Niall’s she was gripping moved away. “Hi, honey.”
Alanna opened her eyes and Isolde gasped. Niall grinned happily beside her.
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Niall said happily. “And she’s a right little rocker, too, just like her parents. I had to sing Steppenwolf to her, before she’d simmer down and so much as look at me!”
“She’s beautiful, you know.” Liam said in a quiet, pleased murmur from the end of the bed. It made no difference that he could only see a small, little lump swaddled in blankets. They all felt the same. “Congratulations, both of you.” Liam grinned and walked over to Niall, throwing an arm over his shoulder, his voice wobbling slightly. “Well done, I’m proud of you!” Liam laughed wetly.
Although Niall and the other boys laughed with him, soon all of the boys were wrapped in a giant bear hug, their heads down.
It was a tender moment for the boys and although the girls knew that, they still surveyed them all with a mildly bored expression.
“When you’re quite finished applauding Niall’s fertility, my baby over here needs adoring.” Isolde said bluntly, the smallest hint of a smile on the edge of her lips.
The boys broke away, laughing and subtly hiding their eyes. Soph smiled to herself as she saw Zayn pretend to shake out his hair, knowing he was trying to hide that he was getting emotional. Maybe she was just... Adjusting. That was probably why she was so freaked out. It was going to be fine. She just needed some more time to get used to everything. After all, they couldn’t stay in their honeymoon period forever, could they? The day-to-day routine was just a bit harder to establish now, what with tour. Soph would... She’d feel normal again soon. Seeing Zayn like that, she was sure of it.
They all spent a small while cooing over Alanna and generally being overly mushy for a small while longer, before Isolde and Alanna’s yawn began to coincide. Louis thought it best they leave, then; after all, the parents needed more time with their newborn than any of Alanna’s extended family – they’d have her whole life to spend with her.
“Rose, Soph, can I speak to you guys for a moment?” Niall asked, as they all prepared to leave.
The girls nodded, hanging back from the boys slightly.
“I just wanted to say thank you.” Niall told them earnestly. “For... Being here, for Isolde. It’s weird for us both and then there’s the boys here and the press outside and-”
“It was our pleasure.” Rose interrupted with a smile. “Don’t even worry about it.”
“Thank you. Really.” Niall repeated. “Oh and Soph, Isolde asked if you could pick something up for her, from the chemist...? It’s all organized, someone needs to get it and she asked for you.”
“Yeah, that’s cool.” Soph nodded, turning to Rose. “I’ll meet you in the car, okay? Make sure Louis doesn’t steal my macchiato, please, I need sugar.”
“Got it covered.” Rose saluted, giving Niall a quick hug. “I’ll see you later. It’s a stupid question, but are you sure you don’t want to come out and celebrate with us? Once Isolde and Alanna get some rest?”
“I’m good.” He replied. Brian had apparently come knocking – and had been sent away. Isolde, or so Niall had heard, had instructed him to be sent away while she was in hospital and had banned him from being able to see Alanna... It had given Niall new hope. And anyway; what better way to celebrate Alanna’s healthy birth than by not leaving her side?
“Okay. Well, call if you need anything.” Rose couldn’t help but give Niall’s arm a quick squeeze before she left. She shipped Niall and Isolde. Now, just Isolde needed to, too.
Rose made her way to the car, feeling good. Nothing like a newborn baby to brighten up an evening.
Okay, so Rose would be lying if she didn’t admit to herself that her and Harry’s interaction had her slightly buzzed, if not for all the wrong reasons. She couldn’t help it! If nothing else, at least she could get some payback out of all of this, right?
Rose mulled over this as she walked down the corridor, to the waiting car. They were all going back to the hotel, before going out for the evening, to celebrate Niall’s new fatherhood. In the words of Zayn – “If he’s got to be more responsible, we have to make up for it!”. Not that Rose particularly approved of Zayn saying that, of all people, but the main point was still there.
“Hey, we were wondering where you’d got to.” Louis smiled at her, as soon as she stepped into the large sort-of van. “Ready to go?”
“Aren’t we waiting for Soph?” Rose frowned. Soph would be there any minute now, providing she hadn’t lost her way to the hospital pharmacy. She shouldn’t have, it was close – Rose had passed it, on her way to the coffee shop. Retrospectively, Rose realized she probably should have mentioned that.
“She text, saying she’d meet us later, I’m going to text her the address of where we are.” Zayn said brazenly. Rose felt her stomach clench. That didn’t sound right, but whydidn’t that sound right? “Let’s go, Harry’s got whoring to do!”
Harry laughed, though quickly curbed it as he saw Rose raise her eyebrows and look out of the window as the car began to pull away.
“Not necessarily.” Harry coughed, abruptly stopping the high-fives and knowing laughs of the others. Louis, Liam and Zayn stared at him in shock. Facing Rose, he continued – “I mean, I could always whore out with someone really spectacular.”
There was an awkward silence as they all realized that Harry was talking about Rose – and judging from Rose’s frozen expression in the reflection of her window, it was something she hadn’t been expecting.
“Wow, way to make things awkward there, Harry.” Liam coughed, pulling out his iPhone as he turned red. “Okay, who wants to play Angry Birds? Anybody? Somebody? Please?”
“She’s asleep.” Isolde told Niall sleepily, as soon as he walked back in. Alanna was sprawled across Isolde’s chest, both of their eyes drooping. “I’m exhausted. Bringing new life does that to you.”
“You did amazing.” Niall told her proudly, kissing her on the forehead – before pausing, midway back, realizing the intimacy of his actions. “Sorry, I-” Niall stopped himself, seeing Alanna snuggle closer to Isolde. “Actually, no, I’m not sorry. If it weren’t for me not apologizing in the first place, we wouldn’t have her.”
Isolde didn’t say anything for a moment, and in the dim light of the hallway outside, Niall wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
“In that case, don’t ever apologize again.” Isolde said so quietly, Niall almost asked her to repeat it.
But, as Isolde said nothing afterwards, Niall didn’t. Instead, a small, hopeful smile crept across his face; and as he brushed Isolde’s hand to hold Alanna’s, with a soar in his heart, Niall noticed that Isolde’s hands didn’t move.
It surprised the boys, how quickly Rose got dressed – and how pretty she managed to look, in such a short amount of time. She’d changed into a short, sleeveless navy dress, with a short strip of leopard trim on the bottom, and high heeled blue shoes.
Harry, of course, had almost choked on the orange he’d been chewing on once he’d seen her, running her hand through her hair and checking her phone. Rose had pretended not to notice – when, of course she had. It gave her an almost grim satisfaction, to know that she at least had his attention.
It was a small club that they found themselves in, with a few of Niall’s closest friends having made the journey earlier that afternoon to congratulate him in person – including Justin Bieber.
Rose had barely been there for five minutes when she spotted Dianna.
Of course, being Rose, she went to fight herself through the crowd to get to her phone – only to find Soph standing, leaning against the wall instead.
The first thing Rose noticed, was how... Different Soph looked. Not different in the way she had been lately, but more in the sense that she looked like... Well, herself. Skinny black jeans, high-heeled black boots, and a funky woollen dress that had a large, evil black cat on it against some vibrant orange and pink stripes. Her hair was even tied back, the way it had been before.
And it all ran alarm bells in Rose’s head.
“Dianna’s here.” Soph said tonelessly.
“Yes, that motherfucking skank bitch whore is here.” Rose spat. “I am so sorry, if I had known-”
“It’s fine.” Soph shrugged, scaring her. “You know, Zayn text me to wear something tight and sexy tonight? He wanted to show me off.”
Rose stopped nervously, going over Soph’s outfit again. Definitely not tight and sexy. And there was something cold in Soph’s voice that scared her.
Soph seemed to focus slightly at the sound of her name, and looked at Rose with a scarily frightened expression. Within an instant, Rose’s lioness side was out. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong and Rose swore to God, that she was going to stick Dianna’s head on a spike once she’d –
“We’ll talk later, but right now I have to ask Zayn something.” Soph mumbled, brushing past Rose already and walking purposefully towards her husband, Dianna standing by and sharing meaningful glances with him. “Hey.”
“Oh, hey, b-” Zayn stopped, seeing Soph’s attire. “Babe, didn’t you get my text-”
“It must have gotten lost in sending, along with the memo that told me Dianna was going to be here and that a random anonymous number seems to be under the impression that you’re not telling me everything about when you got stabbed.” Soph replied sharply, her voice wobbling slightly in fear as she kept her fists balled at her sides. Zayn’s eyes widened. “What aren’t you telling me?”
It felt like an age of silence, as Zayn simply stuttered his way through the alphabet. Soph waited patiently, her heart beating ridiculously fast in her chest. Not now. Not now.
Soph didn’t need to hear the rest.
She quickly moved in front of him, resting her head on his shoulders and pressing his hand on her waist.
“Shut up and listen.” Soph told Zayn quietly, Zayn frowning at her sharp tone. “I’m only standing this close to you because that blonde skank you seem to love so much is watching and I have a point to make, but let me just make this clear-” Soph looked at him seriously, pretending to mess with his collar. “This is not okay.”
“Adam was in the hospital.” Zayn told her, his voice a mix of irritation and desperation. Which was more, Soph couldn’t tell. “Dianna got wrapped up in drugs and her drug dealer stabbed me-”
“And you covered for her and didn’t tell me, which makes the foundations of our foundations false.” Soph pretended to smile happily at what he’d just said. “Tell me, for someone as screwed up and insecure as me in the head, how is that okay?”
Zayn was lost for words. Unthinkingly, he glanced over at Dianna – who stared right back at him.
“I was right before, wasn’t I?” Soph murmured, gaining his attention again. “You two deserve each other.”
“No.” Rose retorted, not even having to bother to turn around and see Harry, to know it was him talking.
“It’s me, or Liam, who’s been watching you all evening, trying to get the nerve to talk to you.” Harry said cockily.
Rose rounded on him, tossing her hair over her shoulder. He looked stupidly attractive in his jeans, lumberjack shirt and blazer.
“And what makes you think dancing with you is better than dancing with Liam?” Rose demanded, folding her hands over her chest and wanting to slap Harry as she saw him lick his lips as he noticed the movement.
Harry raised an eyebrow, wearing a smug expression.
“You chose me once before.”
Rose made a small sound of disgust, going to turn around – but Harry took hold of her arm last minute and automatically, she stopped moving.
“I’m sorry.” Harry apologized immediately, looking sincere. Rose told herself not to believe him. “How about, if you dance with me, I’ll actually listen to what you yell at me about this time?”
Rose whacked Harry on the arm. Hard.
“Something is up with Soph and you don’t even care!” Rose yelled. “You’re a pathetic friend, Harry!”
Harry’s laughter died before it had lived.
“Rose, come on, it’s Usher, I just thought-”
“Well, don’t, because-” Rose stopped midway, seeing Soph walk out, her face covered. “Harry, she’s just walked out, something is wrong.”
Harry’s eyebrows furrowed. This conversation wasn’t going the way he’d planned it to.
“Of course nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine.” Harry told her – but Rose was already not listening, watching Soph with her heart in her throat. “Rose, hey-”
“Something is really, really wrong.” Rose muttered more to herself than Harry; and, seeing the tiny, but familiar action of subtly brushing away tears that Soph made, pushed past him and went after her best friend.
“Why can’t you sleep?” Niall asked, his eyes not moving away from Alanna as she slept. He was transfixed. She kept stuttering her breaths, her lips pouting more with each breath, and she was holding onto his finger for dear life.
“Because everything past my waist feels like a warzone, my meds should be kicking in now.” Isolde winced, as she slid down the bed, Niall offering his hand from where he sat in a chair beside her. “So... When do you leave for tour?”
“I’m not leaving Alanna.” He told her, surprisingly unsurprised at the decisiveness in his voice. How could he have ever considered it? “And I want you to both move to London with me.”
There was a very large, poignant silence.
“I thought I was meant to be the delirious one, what with having just delivered a child and all?” Isolde asked lightly, though Niall could sense the sharp edge in her voice. “Of course you’re going back on tour, you have a contract. And we’re not moving to London.”
“Isolde.” Niall began patiently, turning back to Alanna. “I need her around, she’s my kid. She needs her Mum, and her Mum needs me. Don’t argue with me on this.”
“You’re taking advantage of the fact I can’t get up and slap you!” Isolde whisper-yelled, lacking conviction as she yawned halfway through. “We’re not-”
“Go to bed, Izzy.” Niall said softly, kissing Alanna’s hand. She gurgled. “Alanna will need feeding soon.”
Isolde stared at Niall in the darkness for a moment, stunned into silence. If she hadn’t passed out two seconds later, Niall wondered what would have been said next.
“Soph, what’s wro-” Rose stopped, her heels clicking on the pavement, as she saw Soph huddled in the corner, shaking. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her forehead rested on the knees of her jeans. Rose could hear her trying to breathe. “Oh my God. Oh my God, Soph, honey, tell me what’s wrong, I-”
“I want to go home, Rose, I want to go home.” Soph shook her head, shrugging her friend away. Rose crouched, hesitant to touch her again. She could hear the tears in Rose’s voice. “Rose, everything is wrong, I want to go home!”
Rose steeled herself. Okay. She was ass-kicking tonight. And Dianna and Zayn and Harry were the first on her list.
“Sweetie.” Rose said calmly, reminding herself to breathe and not start punching people’s brains out. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Soph looked up and Rose had to bite back a gasp. Tears, heavy and falling thickly, ran down her cheeks.
“Oh my God, Rose, everything, okay?” Soph wiped away her tears, only for a fresh wave to arrive. “Oh my God, Rose, everything!”
Rose was officially panicking.
“Did that whore say something to you?” Rose asked gently. “I’ll scalp her. I’ll do it. Just say the word.”
“No, it’s not her.” Soph sniffled, wiping her tears away angrily. Ah, yes – stage two of Soph being upset; the self-hatred for being weak enough to have feelings. “Well, it is, her existence bugs me, but it’s not anything she said and technically it’s not her fault that Zayn has been lying to me since the beginning-”
“Zayn’s been lying to you?” Rose repeated sharply, her fists curling into balls. Oh no. Ohhh, no. “What do you mean?”
“But I mean, I’m lying to him!” Soph exclaimed, apparently ignoring her friend. More tears. “Oh my God, Rose, what am I going to do? I can’t do this! I can’t! I’ve thrown my entire life away!”
“What? Honey, no, of course not!” Rose soothed, sitting down on the dirty ground beside her best friend and squeezing her hand. “Look at you! You’re so successful-”
“At being a tacky trophy wife at not even twenty two.” Soph laughed darkly and thickly through her tears. “And it’s just going to get worse.” Soph’s face crumpled again and she sniffled, turning the other way.
“Soph, seriously, you’re scaring me...” Rose muttered, digging her nail into her palm. Soph only got this upset when something was seriously, seriously wrong. “Soph-”
“The package Isolde sent me to get was a pregnancy test for me and I caved and took it.” Soph interrupted, her voice cool and robotic again. Rose instantly shut up, her shoulders tensing. “I ended up buying three more, they all said the same thing.”
There was a very, very long silence.
“But lots of people have babies young.” Rose choked out. “I mean, you can do it-”
“I don’t want it.” Soph blurted out with wet eyes again, turning to Rose and gripping her hand. Rose felt her heart clench at the fear on Soph’s face. This was... This was not good. This was so not good. “I don’t want it and I don’t think Zayn will either and now I don’t know what to do, Rose.” Soph’s face crumpled for the final time, giant sobs wracking through her body. Instantly, Soph’s head fell to Rose’s shoulder and Rose automatically began stroking her hair, her mind gone blank. Soph was pregnant. Soph was pregnant and – it was wrong. It was all wrong. The timing was off, she was too young, she didn’t even like kids – “Rose, tell me what to do.”
Rose remembered, a long time ago, smiling to herself as she’d watched Soph’s new life unfold.
There, in that moment in the middle of Ireland, sitting on the floor with a sobbing Soph; Rose hated the Universe for that smile.
