OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!! I just read your Koko x Inui!Reader work and it's a ✨masterpiece✨ Am I crying? Yes. Am I still in love with this psycho Koko? Definitely. Why? Don't know. But am I in love with your work? Absolutely!!!!!
If it's possible, may I please request Koko with fem!reader who also lost her lover (I dunno, Shinichiro, for example? Yeah, he's muuuch older than them, and the reader knew that he would never see her as a woman (more like a sister, but he’d still say smth like “yeah yeah you'll get older and I'll marry you”), but she still loved him (puppy love and stuff)). However, if Koko’s still obsessed with Akane, the reader moved on;she cherishes the memory of her first lov, but she became older and realized thing that she wasn't understand when she was younger. So with her help (it's not like she fell in love with him when they met, it's just cuz of their similar situations she decided to kinda help(?)Inui pssst Inui) , Koko see other side(?) of this type of “love”.
I still want a happy ending for him. I mean, he's such a sad (maniac, nonetheless) character, but I believe that he does deserve true and mutual love. We all had our “first loves”, puppy crushes, older crushes and stuff. I was “in love” with my brother’s friend (he was like 5 years older than me lol, and I was like 9?He also told that he will marry me and stuff, but it was like when your dad/borther promises you the same; cute and childing memory). But I think when you couldn't confess before your pass out/move on/start date someone else, you would have a feeling as if something isoff/the story does not have an ending. I don't think that even if Akane were alive, it would have changed smth for Koko. I still believe that he’d move on sooner or later. But hey, it's only my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
I just truly want him to be happy and feel genuinely loved.
𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧, 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐢𝐭. 𝐌𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, 𝐈 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭.
What a mystery it is — this emotion we call grief.
Shinichiro’s luck with women was always a comical one, never being able to snag a date, let alone have a girlfriend. He reached rock bottom as soon as he heard one of Manjiro’s childhood friends proclaim, “I’m Shinichiro’s future wife!”
“I’m too old for you,” He politely rejected, giving your head a gentle pat as a form of acknowledging your feelings. His heart ached at the fact that a girl was finally confessing her feelings for him but most likely under the guise of a childish crush. Something you would grow out of as soon as you matured enough. “You should give the other boys your age a chance. Manjiro and Keisuke have been fighting over who’s going to marry you.”
Shinichiro was amused at the way you violently shook your head at the prospect, quickly becoming defensive and pleading your case to him. “I may be young but I swear I’ll grow up into a beautiful lady. I can cook, I can clean, and I can take care of my siblings.”
He sighed, lighting up a nearby cigarette to help cope with the insanity he was suffering though at the moment. “Y/N, I don’t want a housewife. I want you to grow up and find the right person to fall in love with. I'll be just peachy seeing you fall for the right person.”
“Mama helps me out right now but she says I’m practically a mini adult.” You protested with your hands on your hips, glaring him down as he just shook his head at you.
“Sweetheart, you’re 13…” Shinichiro shudders at the realization of how old he's gotten. Another hit of his cigarette settles in his lungs, easing his racket of a mind. “I’m 23. There are so many things wrong with what you're asking of me.”
“In five years, I will be old enough to marry you. Wait for me until then, I know you’ll still be single!”
“Uh, ouch.” Shinichiro’s pride was bruised by how confidently you had rebuked his answer. He could sense a prick of annoyance begin to crawl up his spine. Your answer wasn't meant to be malicious in the slightest but it sure struck a nerve. “Y/N, you’re not thinking straight. You’ll get over this little crush in a couple years and it’ll be a silly little joke between us.”
“A joke? You think my feelings are joke…?” You said in a quiet voice as your heart fell to your stomach. The weight of the world was coming crashing down on your childish delusions. “I love you, I really do!”
“Oh come on, Y/N. Don’t get upset, I’m just being honest with you.” Shinichiro’s words come off more harsh than he intended, made apparent by the streams of fresh hot tears rolling down your cheeks.
“But… But! You promised… Shinichiro, you promised to marry me!”
Shinichiro’s gaze switched from the motorcycle to the blubbering mess who was turned away from him. Seeing your tears made him reconsider how harsh his words would have came off. His cigarette falls to the ground, embers burning out as he glanced over at you. “What the— Don’t cry, Y/N.”
Mikey trailed in as soon as he hears the sound of loud and pronounced wailing coming from the shop. He lazily glanced between you and Shinichiro as the lollipop in his mouth swished from side to side. “Bro, what’s wrong with Y/N?”
“I-I don’t know! She just started crying!”
“Shinichiro’s being mean! M-Mikey, your brother’s being mean to me!” You wailed, tugging on his shirt as he lightly shook you off.
Mikey grinned as he placed his arms behind his head, watching the chaos unfold before him. His mischievous eyes were still focused on his older brother’s distressed face. “This is why you’re never getting a girlfriend…”
Shinichiro groaned, shooing away Mikey as he attempted to settle down your incessant outburst of melodrama. “Y/N, look at me. Stop crying, yeah? I wanna tell you a secret, just between you and me.”
“There’s my pretty little lady,” Shinichiro smiled, thumbing away the waterworks with his oil stained hands as he left some streaks of it on your face, not like you minded much. “No more tears, okay? When you’re older we’ll get married, yeah?”
You sniffled, wiping away the lingering droplets before staring up at him. “Promise?”
Shinichiro held up his pinky extending it out for you to reciprocate the action. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“I think the twenty rejections have gone to his head,” Wakasa interrupted, crunching down on the lollipop lingering in his mouth. He glanced between his friend and the young girl in front of him, scrutiny in his eyes. “He’s preying on middle schoolers now. Call the cops.”
“Shut up, Waka. You have no idea what we’re talking about!” Shinichiro immediately backtracked.
“Shinichiro, that’s sick.” Benkei shook his head at the ongoing conversation, gently pulling you away from Shinichiro’s arms before inspecting you for any sign of harm or injury. He gave Shinichiro the same judgmental glare as Waka before turning to glance at the girl right in front of him. “Did he hurt you, Y/N?”
Before a decent explanation could be made by you, it had appeared that you had run off to tell your friends the seemingly positive news. You shouted at the top of your lungs, “Emma! Shin said he would marry me.”
Takeomi walked in after you had sprinted past him through the shop’s back door, glaring down his captain with a menacing smile. “Am I high or did she say what I think she said? Better have a decent excuse, Shin.”
“Big bro’s farts stink like hell, Y/N." Mikey interjected, becoming amused with the way you always accepted Shinichiro's false promises without a second thought. "Oh, I bet he only said that so you would stop crying.”
Mikey had never received a more painful punch in his life, knocking him straight in the jaw as you ran back inside to tattle on your best friend. 
“Shinichiro! Manjiro’s being mean to me. He keeps saying you're not gonna marry me!”
Soon after, the unexpected news of Shinichiro's death crashed on your body like a bucket of ice water. You refused to eat, sleep was no longer a priority, school was no longer a necessity. A piece of you had died along with him, a piece that would leave a gaping hole in your heart, a piece of yourself that would never come back.
“Big bro would have wanted you to have it,” Mikey said quietly, onyx irises devoid of emotion. “Take care of it, okay?”
Shinichiro’s chain necklace, the one you always fiddled with as a child. The one you always loved hearing clink against his neck as he worked on a motorcycle. It was yours now. The necklace found a new home upon your neck, the frigid metal weighed heavy on your collarbones, it would serve as a constant reminder of the love you held for Shinichiro.
No one ever told you the difference between love and grief.
The visits to Shinichiro’s grave became less frequent though your feelings for him were still tucked away in the folds of your heart. Shinichiro Sano was once the iridescent sun and you were his precious little moon, orbiting his ethereal presence as if he were the only celestial body in existence.
“I’m in high school now, Shin. I wish you could see how much I’ve grown,” You sighed, hugging your knees to your chest as you spoke to the shining tombstone. “Bet you’d wish I was still begging for your attention.”
“Manjiro and Emma are doing well though we haven’t spoken in a while. The Black Dragons have changed, Shinichiro. More than when you were around. I wish you never left us…”
Inui Seishu was someone you would never would have expected to become friends with. He held the first-generation Black Dragons with high respect. You had previously spotted him hanging around S.S. Motors along with the other delinquents Shinichiro often housed. Kokonoi Hajime was someone who tested your patience with every breath he took, he loved to tease and get under your skin with a snaky remark. The two reminded you of a cat and dog duo, one who's constantly at the other’s throats.
“I made a new friend; I’m sure you remember him. His name is Inui, basically sees you as a god.” You chuckled, "He hangs out with Waka and Benkei sometimes. Oh, they're doing fine too..."
A shaky breath escapes your quivering lips, the childhood memories of the time you all spent together come flooding in like a tidal wave. “It’s time for me to grow up, Shinichiro. You said I needed to find the right person to fall in love with, right?”
Except you’re not sure how to do that nor how to even begin on that journey.
Your soft steps echoed the graveyard as a warm gust of breeze enveloped your body as if to reassure yourself that you were making the right choice. “This is goodbye, first love."
You peered up at the sunset, sparing it a gentle smile as you continued on your path. “Shinichiro, wherever you are, you’ll live in my heart forever. I’ll always remember that smile of yours… too bad it was your last.”
Koko can’t seem to remember when days started turning into weeks, into months, into years. When the fine lines of separation between Seishu and Akane began to blur into one person. It was fascinating how his grief had him groveling in a rut of searching for a glimmer of happiness. He never realized how low he had fallen until he kissed Inupi’s sleeping figure in the library’s silent corridors. He swore it was Akane who welcomed his anguished lips to lie upon hers. He swore it was her who was resting against the windowsill, basking in the comforting embrace of the sunshine pouring in through the glass.
His sleepy lids fluttered open, he glanced up at the evening sky, gentle streaks of golden light dance across the scattered clouds, hinting at the vibrant display yet to come. The air is calm, and the world seems to hold its breath, savoring the tranquil moment as day slowly gives way to night.
Kokonoi groggily reaches out to the figure next to him, his fingers brushing against the other person’s arm. “Akane?”
He was instead greeted by your teasing voice, a slight snippy tone as you get firm with him as he wakes up. “Good morning, Your Highness. It’s about time you woke up.”
“It’s not very good if you’re here,” He muttered as soon as he realized who exactly he was talking to. What a joke. “Were you watching me sleep? I knew you were a freaky girl, been telling Inupi since the day we met.”
“Remind me again why I even bother with you, Koko…” You snapped, shaking your head at the attempt to insult you. "I'm not the one who sent some cryptic ass text telling me to meet you here. You were the one I found asleep in the middle of the field."
He chuckled at the remark, sticking his tongue out just as he always did when being smug. “Lack of a brain, clearly.”
The summer air was thick with moisture, each breath feels heavy, laden with the scent of blooming flowers and freshly cut grass. The humidity wraps around everything, making the world seem slightly softened and hazy. Beads of sweat form quickly, tracing lazy paths down foreheads and necks, as the heat lingers even in the shade. The atmosphere is thick, almost tangible, carrying the distant hum of cicadas and the occasional rustle of leaves in the still, sultry air.
One question weighed on your mind, escaping your chest before you could think clearly. An inquiry that desperately needed an answer, no matter what kind of potential rift it would cause for either of you. “Koko, have you ever been in love?”
“Yes,” He paused for a moment, tilting his head and closing his eyes in deep concentration as he pondered on how to answer the question. “She was beautiful,” Kokonoi said, cutting through the momentary silence. “I wanted to marry her. Hell, I was going to marry her but—“
Kokonoi realized you heard his muttering as he was asleep on the grass.
“Life never works out, does it?” A cold laugh escaped your lips, “I lost my first love too."
Kokonoi is aware of the fact you are an open person, he’s never witnessed the endless void in your eyes as you begin to relay the story of your lost lover. The empty shell you became as soon as the words began to depart your mouth. What a soulless sight.
It reminds him of himself. He hates it.
“We both promised we could marry once I was older. Now I’m beginning to realize how naïve I was to think it would work out.”
“Seishu told me about his older sister. She reminds me of Shinichiro, did you have a chance to confess to her?”
“That’s none of your damn business. Everything I do is for Akane," He admitted. “It’s the only way I can atone for the sins I carry.”
“Do you think that’s fair to Seishu?” You questioned, leading the conversation into dangerous territory. Kokonoi perked up at the drop of his friend's name, narrowing his scrutinizing gaze at you. It was like you knew which aggravating buttons to push with an expert hand, slowly setting the stage for an argument to brew and burst out. “Pushing him away because you believe that you deserve to suffer in his place. That’s a bit selfish, don’t you think?”
“What do you know? You’re just a stupid little girl who can’t get over the ghost of someone who’s never coming back!”
“You’re just a scared little boy who can’t face the fact that he deserves to make his own choices! Are you so far gone that you'll do anything for the sake of money?!” You fired back, frustration beginning to cloud your mind as the argument escalates further and further. “The Kanto Manji Gang is going to ruin you, Kokonoi."
“It’s my life, isn’t it? Quit acting like you own me." He griped, slapping away the finger you had jammed into his chest.
You scoffed, shooting him a pained glare as the knot in your throat tightened with each syllable that escaped your lips. Koko reflected so much of your grieving self that it was painful to stare at him straight on. “I’m not going to speak for Akane, but I know Shinichiro would hate me for using his memory as an excuse to make myself miserable! Let the dead rest, Hajime. It’s the least we can do for them to able to move on peacefully.”
Kokonoi has never received such an enraged response from you, nor has he ever witnessed you shedding tears over a fight. “Some days are more difficult than others, I understand that. I can function normally until the band aid over my heart is ripped off once again and I’m just a pathetic crying mess.”
Kokonoi can picture himself at home, destroying his belongings and wrecking his room in a fit of relentless rage.
“40 million... I'll make that money even if I die."
Kokonoi can picture himself receiving the phone call from his best friend, anguished sobs echoing across the line as he delivers the bone-chilling news he never wished to hear.
He can picture himself inside the hospital room, looming over Akane’s lifeless body. Bandages covering the unsightly burns across her body. Even in death, she was such a beautiful sight despite the injuries that consumed her entire being.
“I’m sorry, Akane! If only I had more money…”
Koko wishes he could be freed from the guilt of losing his best friend’s sister. Freed from the urge to chase at a fleeting shadow. Freed from the need to atone for his past self's shortcoming and unfulfilled promises.
“I walk into Mikey’s house sometimes expecting to run into Shinichiro,” You sighed, laying back in the grassy area of the ground. Kokonoi’s gaze traced your gentle features, admiring how well they reflected with the sunset’s glow on your skin. He can sense a subtle aura of longing radiating from your body “I always expect to see him waiting for me in the old bike shop.”
He can barely stop the suppressed confession from escaping his lips as soon as he blurted it out. “I kissed Inupi because I wanted to believe that it was Akane who was sitting there."
Surprisingly, you say nothing in response. Simply accepting it for what it is.
"I tried going out with Mikey for a while thinking he could make up for Shin. We both realized it wasn't healthy for either of us." You know he isn't seeking a response, instead someone who could find common ground. “Moving on doesn’t mean we’re leaving the people we love behind us. It means we have to live for ourselves, we get to choose our own paths, we write our own stories.”
You sighed, standing up and brushing away the debris lingering on your pants. The guilt of arguing with him earlier continued biting at your conscious, beckoning for you to reconcile with the boy. “It’s late, I should be heading home soon. I’m sorry for raising my voice at you, Hajime. I was trauma dumping, totally uncalled for.”
He nodded his head in response, choosing to acknowledge you passively rather than with words. Kokonoi could sense the iron-clad walls surrounding his heart beginning to cave in, threatening to tear apart his remaining composure. The years of pent-up grief was starting to bubble up and escape through the tattered seams of his soul.
Y/N has always treated me as friend even though I never considered her more than a nuisance.
Koko trembled, tears rolling thickly down his face, stinging his cracked lips. His hands twisted around each other as if he could press the worst of his feelings back into his skin. “Y-Y/N?” He croaked.
You immediately abandoned your thoughts, rushing to his side. “Koko? What is it? What’s wrong?” Your voice was sharp with concern as you scrutinized Koko any sign of something amiss.
Hesitating, Koko shook his head, his mouth opening and closing before opening again. His quivering voice could barely be heard from above a tiny whisper. “Could you just… hold me? Just for a minute?”
The request was bizarre but the anguished expression consuming his features sent your mind into overdrive. It was as if he would split into pieces if you weren't there to hold him together. He resembled a child crying out for their mother, desperate to be reassured that everything would be okay, he was safe, he was fine.
“Yeah, yeah of course.” You pulled Koko in, enveloping him in your arms, one hand cradling the back of his head and the other rubbing soothing circles into his back. You were quiet for a moment before you spoke, soft and gentle, “You know, it doesn’t have to be for just a minute. I’m here for as long as you need me.”
Koko is unable to understand how someone as compassionate as you can exist. Despite the constant banter you two have shared over the past year, you always treated him so well. He admires the way you’re ready to hand out your infinite kindness without expecting anything in return. He’s forgotten that there are people in this world who could care less about money or what he can offer to them.
There are people in this world who are the walking definition of a guardian angel. People who are there to listen and guide others when they've lost themselves, Koko stumbled upon that epiphany as soon as he became vulnerable with you. No expectations, no need to return the favor, it did not feel transactional to him like his other dealings.
“I’m not a good person. I don’t deserve comfort,” Koko mumbled into your shoulder. He was speaking more to himself than to you, finding a way to cope with the influx of manic chaos rushing through his veins. Your embrace was more than enough to calm his nerves though he cursed himself internally for allowing himself to be so weak in front of you.
The pure vulnerability of being able to indulge in another person’s care was something Koko thought he would never experience. Life served him the worst hand of cards, the only way to survive was to outsmart the system by creating his own.
“Regardless of whether you’re a good person or not, people don’t become better by treating themselves badly. And you don’t have to earn my kindness or ration it like it’ll run out. You already have it, as much as you’ll let me give you.”
You both stood like that for much longer than a minute.
"To be honest, I tolerate you better than most. You can be nice to have around, sometimes." He admitted, thinking you deserved some shred of his kindness in exchange for the temporary sanctuary you provided.
"I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, Koko. I should record that, say it again!" You rolled your eyes playfully, holding up your cellphone as if you actually wanted to follow through with your plans.
Koko rolled his eyes at the suggestion, choosing to stick his tongue out as a response. "Don't push your luck, Y/N. This won't happen again."
"Hajime... It's time for you to live your life the way you want to."
“I will," Koko affirmed. "Don't have to tell me twice."
Meanwhile, Inui sighed from the sidelines, making note of the way you avoided his gaze as if it would change how easy it was for him to read you. He noticed the sheepish smile on your face and the subtle rosy tint on your cheeks but decided to spare you the embarrassment of explaining as soon as you approached. "How did it go?"
You cleared your throat, a tiny grimacing smile soon replacing the bashful expression. "Better than expected. You should reach out to him before 2nd Gen Toman faces Kanto Manji, I would hate see either of you get hurt."
Inui shook his head, returning a pained smile "You've done enough, Y/N. Koko needs to figure out the rest on his own. Want me to walk you home?"
"Thanks, Seishu." You answered but continued to politely decline his offer. "But I have to catch up with someone in a bit. I'll see you around okay?"
"Right, get home safe then. Message as soon as you make it back."
Soon enough, the sight of a familiar tombstone comes into view, a pair of fresh incense sticks and a pack of his favorite cigarettes adorning the gravesite. Waka and Benkei must’ve paid a visit right before you arrived. "Hiya, Shin. Guess what? I think I found someone to fall in love with. He's rough around the edges in some ways but I can sense that he has a warm heart. Sure, he gets on my nerves and can be too cocky for his own good, but he has some redeeming qualities.”
A tiny grin dances across your lips as you fiddle with the hem of your sleeves. “You know, it may be too soon to call it love but we’re starting off as friends… that’s a nice start, right?”
It’s quiet, so painstakingly quiet that you swore you could hear Shinichiro’s voice being carried through the wind. The graveyard was desolate considering the late hour. Call it wishful thinking, a side effect of long term grief or pure and utter delusion but the words strike like a resonating chord in your heart.
The graveyard feels a little less lonely tonight.
