my long post about human!tpom headcanons
(there are almost 40 of them wtf)
π§ let's get one thing straight: i'm using the penguins movie as a reference, and since it came out in 2014, the show takes place in that year and after. when it comes to the madagascar movies in my human au, penguins were in monte carlo for about a year so madagascar 2 takes place in 2013 (the first movie would probably take place in 2012/2013 if we count the christmas special),
π§ with that being said let's start with the birthdays:
π§ private - born 1998, zodiac sign: cancer,
π§ rico - born 1986, zodiac sun: aries,
π§ kowalski - born 1981, zodiac sign: virgo,
π§ skipper - born 1977 (i know that one of the creators tweeted that skipper would be 35 in the series if he was a human but hey it's my au and if i want him to be older then so be it), zodiac sign: leo,
π§ it was difficult to make the big 3 (skipper, kowalski and rico) related since kowalski is a literal surname, name 'rico' gives off that latino vibe and skipper is.... well skipper,
π§ so i decided to make them half-siblings with their mother being some kind of agent or military member,
π§ she was like: π§ββοΈ, when she came back home and discovered that her sons brought a baby, telling her some crazy ass story about how they saved it from dying on the streets,
π§ don't ask me about uncle nigel he's just there and yeah he is still related to private, i don't make the rules,
π§ i can see uncle nigel as some type of retired MI6 agent, who gets himself involved in the work even though no one expects him toππ,
π§ also, nigel took care of private when skipper, kowalski and rico were busy with their own military shit. that was also during the time when their ma passed away so they didn't want to expose private to their new chaotic lifestyle,
π§ private grew up in britian until he was like 12 and that's where his accent comes from,
π§ obviously during private's time at nigel's, denmark and hans happenedπ,
π§ also the penguins trio didn't abandoned private, hell nah, they were still visiting him either solo or together,
π§ at some point skipper kowalski and rico decided to fuck it all and they made their own unit, took private with them and came back to new york,
π§ now we can move to more fun, general headcanons,
π§ skipper kowalski and rico watch some of those vile horror movies completely unfazed and after finishing it, they call it boring and never watch it again,
π§ skipper likes some of lana del rey's songs ("american", "blue jeans", "cruel world" to be specific) (in the future he would probably also vibe with "mariners apartment complex" "god bless america - and all the beautiful women in it" "when the world was at war we kept dancing"), because he fw the whole americana aesthetic,
π§ kowalski's favourite work of fiction is lovecraft's "re-animator" (let's take a guess why),
π§ besides that and a few other exceptions he doesn't read fiction, only academic materials, science books etc.,
π§ rico suffers from expressive aphasia and he got it when he was a toddler. him, skipper and kowalski were playing on the backyard when rico fell down from a very high spot (skipper and kowalski got yelled out, grounded and punished badly for not keeping an eye on him),
π§ favourite morning drinks:
β’ kowalski and skipper: black coffee
β’ rico: energy drinks
β’ private: orange juice
π§ when it comes to coke:
β’ skipper: og red coke
β’ kowalski: vanilla coke
β’ rico: lime coke
β’ private: cherry coke
π§ they have to watch all quentin tarantino's movies at least once a year,
π§ private loves to surprise his brothers and hugging them from behind (it sometimes ends up with an accidental bruise or nose bleeding but no hard feelings),
π§ when they were at monte carlo and private was going through typical teenage rebellious phase he informed them that he was running away from them and they won't see him ever again (he then came back after 10 minutes),
π§ i believe this is semi-canon but skipper is definitely into conspiracy theories. like this man is paranoid as fuck. he believes in all sorts of military/fbi/cia related conspiracy theories like haarp, mk ultra, etc., he also would've loved calling random people that cause trouble and got on his nerves feds,
π§ rico loves to hide other guys' shit and then ask them where are they (he loves to do this especially to kowalski, hiding his notes),
π§ if anyone wonders who was pulling out private's teeth when he was growing up, it's obviously rico. private would say that his tooth is loose and rico would open his mouth and pull it out with one quick move (very smooth rico). i also saw a headcanon about rico allowing baby private to bite his arms when he was teething and i AGREE. let's say that rico is private's special tooth fairy,
π§ very random: kowalski has the driest, most calloused hands in the world, like boy just use some hand cream i'm begging you,
π§ very very random & also about kowalski's hands: he has long fingers (you can do with that information whatever you desireπΌ),
π§ private used to give kowalski self-made cards whenever he saw him feeling down, wanting to cheer him up (kowalski was gagged and didn't quite see the point of private giving them to him but he went with it anyways),
π§ oh and btw kowalski is autistic af like ain't it obvious. my fav high-functioning autistic guy,
π§ once when private was looking through their photo album and saw pictures of himself as a baby with skipper's sunglasses on, skipper started to rub his eye ("is everything ok, skippah?", "yes, private, it's just dust") (he got a bit emotional alright),
π§ i yapped about this before but skipper and kowalski are so brothersTM. they are chilling together and within the next few seconds they start roasting each other. for example, they would complain about no food being left in the fridge only to start accuse one another of not buying some thing back in 2003 (as if it would prevent them from feeling hungry rn). rico and private are always like: well, it escalated quickly,
π§ because those are my headcanons, i'll include my ships as well. i can imagine private accidentally walking in on the rest of guys during... their intimate moments with their partners (skipper with marlene, kowalski with eva, rico with perky). they would always manage to dismiss him and private would always accept whatever excuse they gave him, only for realization to hit him after a few weeks like: π³....... WAIT A MINUTEπ².
