#topic9

As Hellenic pagans/reconstructionists/wiccans/revivalists/whatevers what is our place in the wider religious world? What can we do to create better bonds with those of different paths? 

The question is pretty self-explanatory! 

What do you feel the place of paganism (or specifically Hellenic polytheism) is in the context of the wider world of religion?

How do you relate to people of other religions?

What do you think we can do to encourage interfaith unity, as pagans? Do you think interfaith unity is valuable? Do you work towards it in your own practice?

Tag your responses #hellenic round table, #hellenicrt, #hellenicroundtable, #topic9, or @ mention this blog or @hellenicappalachia!

As far as I was concerned, and I was very happy to repeat this over and over to myself, sexuality should be avoided at all costs in order to remain pure.

Huh. So I guess my über strict moral system I’d adopted from religious teachings at a young age may have been more damaging than helpful. Guess I’m still struggling with this Christian hangover.

From this perspective the identification process of understanding and accepting my sexuality is mostly summed up in two words, long and painful. With that innate understanding of self that comes with being a young child and is lost somewhere around puberty, I think I always knew I was bi. Even though it was some time before I understood that there was not only a classification for my attraction but an entire supportive network of people who were like me.

The progression to understanding and accepting my sexuality took years even after I knew I was heavily attracted to females as well as males.  The most defining moment when I couldn’t deny and repress my same-sex attraction came when I was sitting drunk on my boyfriends’ floor with my best friend while my boyfriend and everyone was outside enjoying the Halloween party. Struggling to speak the words out loud that had been plaguing me subconsciously for over a year I told her how “it hurts to breathe without her”- her being my best friend? Soul mate? First love? that I’d found the first day of year 8 and lost to stupid reasons. We were never technically dating, neither of us really acknowledging that what we’d had was more than friendship until the friendship was virtually over. With all the innocence of a first love unspoken we’d accidentally carried out a 4 year ‘friendship’ that was everything dating was but without any of the explicit validation for our feelings.

(How did I not realise I was queer sooner)

So in this was it was my undeniable attraction to her that broke my denial about my queerness and really started the process of self-acceptance for this part of me I’d done my best to repress. I had to change all my founding beliefs and understandings to come to a point of acceptance where I could finally identify as bi- something that became a source of great relief and joy and not the binding inevitability I’d always assumed it would be if I were even honest about myself. This girl, the best friend that started my journey was also the one who accompanied and still accompanies me on this journey. Finally being able to talk about our sexualities openly and discuss the intense relationship we’d had with the grand understanding of hindsight. She really helped me accept bisexuality as a valid part of myself and opened my eyes to a world and an educated tumblr community where I didn’t have to be ashamed of my nature.

Before bi I toyed with the idea I might ‘lack’ a sexuality, a feeling of asexuality before I knew what that meant.  I now understand this was me trying to forcibly repress sexuality before I was in a place where I could handle what it meant to accept that part of me. Straight was also the default I’d tried to fit in for most of my life.

Right now I can say that I know of the freedom that comes with identifying- my first acknowledgement that I am not wrong, that I am valid and that I am nothing that needs fixing. I’ve learnt to deal with some of my past attractions, though trying to retrospectively deal with 4ish years of hard-core feelings for someone isn’t easy when you’re in a committed hetero relationship. I’ve yet to quite figure out how to get closure on that without destroying the relationship I’ve built with my boyfriend of 2 years. Amazingly I have managed to come out to him, something so much more liberating than I anticipated. So currently him and a few select friends know my true identity but it still hurts to feel like I can’t authentically be myself around my family and everyone else I am closested to but hey, that’s an issue for later.

Have fun with that future me.

Hey all! This Bi Talks topic really interested me. The biggest source of angst in the whole realization process was not knowing what was going on or having any concept of how bisexuality was in real life. So, here’s a bunch of my thoughts/anecdotes.

When was the first time you questioned your sexuality? What prompted it? I don’t know if there was any one moment I can pinpoint. In middle school I remember noticing a girl’s breasts and thought that it didn’t mean anything, everyone notices breasts sometimes, right? In college a very dear friend of mine who is a gay man and I had a joke about a crossover list—women he’d go straight for and I’d go gay for. I always had more to add to the list. I haven’t had a crush on a girl yet (at least that I was aware of) but I used to find myself looking at this one girl in my Comics class. My gaze would always return to her. And so at 21 I finally began thinking about the fact that that might just mean something. It took me about a year and a half to really consider it and start working things out, then another half a year or so to be comfortable enough to come out to people.

What were the defining moment(s) of your journey? Did you have any support from someone? Share some nice stories with us, please :) I’ve been very lucky and had a lot of support. My dear friend whyofcourseyoucan has been such a source of support and encouragement since before I was sure enough to officially come out to him. When I told my high school friends (8 of us are still quite close), I got drunk as hell and nervously blurted it out during a pause in video game playing. Everyone was supportive, but my friend Amy’s reaction was my favorite: she threw an imaginary handful of glitter on me and said “No one cares!” And then they all told me how much they love me and asked me questions so they could better understand. (Side note for any youngsters: hangovers get so much worse the second you graduate from college. It ain’t pretty, kids.) When I was defending the importance of the Black Widow as a character to my sister she jokingly asked, “You trying to tell me something?” And I, having been searching for an opportunity to come out in natural conversation for several months, told her that hadn’t been my intention, but yes. So the Black Widow is forever a part of my coming out story, which is pretty cool.

What, if any, other identities you considered before your current one(s)? I thought I was straight for most of my life. This is why I think bi visibility in media is so important—I knew I liked boys, so I didn’t really think about it any more. I ignored some of the above moments because I knew I liked boys. I briefly thought I might be a lesbian because if I was oblivious about part of my sexuality, maybe I was just completely wrong. I’ve only dated one guy in high school and the kissing was less than wonderful, so I wondered if maybe I was just gay and didn’t know it. Figuring out bisexuality is complex sometimes. Nowadays I’m pretty sure, which is a more relaxing way to live.

When was the first time you questioned your sexuality? What prompted it?

*Emma dons her hindsight goggles* When I was twelve or thirteen, my favorite TV show of all time was Dancing with the Stars. I paid a bit of attention to the pro and star guys (Apolo and Derek come to mind), but I paid too much attention to Kym and Julianne, as well as Edyta and Cheryl from time to time too. At 13, I also remember meeting a nanny for the first time, but she was so pretty I couldn't even look at her. At 15, I had a really hard time not thinking about a girl on the varsity field hockey team (I was JV)--so much so to the point that it was really hard for me to concentrate in the choir class we also shared.

Thing is, I managed to dismiss *all of that*, based on the fact that I also liked boys, and they liked me back. Also, my mom's a big new-agey metaphysics fan who believed in the Law of Attraction and she rubbed off on me, so when I was a small teenager I put all my energy into drowning out any "bad thoughts" I may have had.

But then when I was about 18, I was cast in a queer role (a genderfluid Paris in an all-girls-except-for-Romeo-and-Capulet Romeo and Juliet), and I realized that being straight wasn't a requirement--but I still identified as that anyway, up until I was a college sophomore confessing her feelings for her best friend and kissing her study partner.

What were the defining moment(s) of your journey? Did you have any support from someone? Share some nice stories with us, please :)

Hmmm. I'd have to say the love I got from the first friends I told. I picked them carefully, and they did not disappoint me. Also being out at Anime Boston was really cool bc there were lots of cute girls. Also: happy memory of gay cousin commenting on how queer our side of the family is (all three of us--my aunt's the third)

What, if any, other identities you considered before your current one(s)?

Straight, mainly. Then questioning/bi-curious. Then biromantic-questioning. Then just bi--because I didn't want to explain the different thought processes and physical feelings I get with girls and guys (for reference, I don't have any romantic or sexual data on any other genders). OR how my autism factors into that whole thing.

How figuring other parts of your identities related to figuring out your bisexuality?

I have known I was autistic/aspie since before I could remember, but I only started embracing it this year. However, that comes with people telling me and me telling myself I "don't know what I'm feeling." 

If you’re in the middle of your journey and are still figuring yourself out, where are you at right now? What things are troubling you? What are the part(s) that you’re sure about?

I am… well… still figuring out details. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between intense friendship and romance. And I'm still figuring out why I get incredibly sick of physical contact sometimes (especially with guys). And whether I get this sick of other genders like I do guys.

I don’t really remember having crushes on other girls growing up, in fact the possibility that I was not 100% heterosexual wasn’t even something that crossed my mind until I was a teenager.

The initial realization wasn’t really all that dramatic, in fact, upon reflection it could probably be classified as underwhelming.

The first time I can actually remember questioning my sexuality was when I think I was about 14ish. As a child and well into my teenage years i have suffered from insomnia, so what I would do while everyone was a sleep would be to sneak into the living room and watch TV late at night. One night I stumbled upon a rerun of Farscape, and when Claudia Black removed her Peace Keeper helmet it was like a light bulb had turned on in my head. All I could say was “Huh…” I was speechless, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and my crush was born. After that light bulb moment I started to catch myself noticing other girls in real life and forming crushes on them as well.

At the time I didn’t know that it was possible to be attracted to more than one gender, so there was more agonizing over my self identification than anything else. I didn’t know what I was, but I knew what I wasn’t, and I can not even begin to tell you how many Are you gay?/How gay are you?/At what number do you fall on the Kinsey Scale? internet tests I took. The was a lot of “I CAN’T BE A LESBIAN!” and some “BUT I STILL LIKE BOYS! *sees a boy* oh he’s cute…YEP DEFINITELY STILL LIKE BOYS” and a little “SHES SO BEAUTIFUL! WE SHOULD BECOME SUPER CLOSE FRIENDS!!!” 

Then one of my friends came out as bisexual to our little group of friends, and it was like a second light bulb turned on in my head. I COULD LIKE BOTH! THERE WAS A WORD!

Here goes nothing. . .

When was the first time you questioned your sexuality? What prompted it?

I think probably in late middle school and especially starting in freshman year. I'd always known I was attracted to guys (I'm female btw) and didn't think much of it, because that's what society thinks is normal. Once I reached that point however I had begun to be more aware of other sexual orientations beyond just gay and straight. It was around that point that I had started to really notice like, hot girls, and so I began to wonder if maybe I wasn't completely 100% straight. . . It was in sophomore year that this really became something I knew to be a fact.

What were the defining moment(s) of your journey? Did you have any support from someone? Share some nice stories with us, please :)

I think that there were two defining moments. The first being when I developed a massive crush on one of my female classmates, the second being coming out to my best friend. She's the only one who I've officially told, but she's been really supportive.

What, if any, other identities you considered before your current one(s)?

Just straight.

How figuring other parts of your identities related to figuring out your bisexuality?

Figuring out my own personal beliefs, in terms of social justice, politics and whatnot. Being more accepting and more socially liberal, along with general increased awareness, has led me to accept myself as I am.

If you’re in the middle of your journey and are still figuring yourself out, where are you at right now? What things are troubling you? What are the part(s) that you’re sure about?