#tom!

But even when he pushed you away, you stood your ground, "No." You grab him by his sides, he was kneeling on the ground now, so you sit down and sit him down as well, setting him up straight, looking him straight in the eyes, "Look at me." You say with a steady voice.

He takes a few seconds but he manages to keep his eyes open, blinking back the tears from the painful choking feeling he must have in his throat, but he looks into your eyes nonetheless 

"Breathe with me." You say as you inhale and exhale in deep breaths. He tries to mimic you, but he still has some trouble.

You bit your lip as he started to have trouble breathing again. You speak in a quiet voice, despite the train noises that would reach your ears every now and again, "When I was growing up, I used to trace the lines on my palms." You chuckle to yourself and you know Timothee wanted to snort in laughter, but all he could manage was a pained smile, "C-can you trace them?" You stare into his eyes, "Slowly, I’ll be here. You just focus on tracing them."

He nods silently with difficulty but looks at them, hands shaking as one traces and the other is held out, but you grab his wrist, stopping him, “Here.” You offer your hand, “You can trace mine. So it isn’t shakey.”

He points them out with his index finger, your hand wrapped securely around his wrist as he starts tracing. By the 17th line he traces, he's breathing normally again, his pupils no longer dilated.

It's a calm silence between the two of you, almost all of your quiet moments together a calm silence, as he keeps his head down, thinking.

"I'm sorry you had to witness...that." he calls it that with such disgust that it hurts even you, and you remember back then.

You were sitting in the closet, your first week of living with Tom and while putting away the laundry you felt it crawling up your spine. So you drop the basket and run up the stairs and into the closet, sitting at the very end behind the coats. You clutch your hands together and press it against your chest as you tried to get it to stop beating so fast, while trying to even out your breathing.

The door creaks slightly open, "Y/n? Sweetheart?" 

This was a panic attack but it wasn't a severe one, you knew that much since you could still kind of focus on Tom when he pops his head into the closet.

You expect him to close the door when he finds you with your head to your knees and hands pressed against your chest, a common practice in your family, even for Troye, they'd leave you alone to handle it because they knew eventually, you could. And he does. But not before he steps inside. He sits next to you, but when you flinch, he opts to sit across from you as he watches you catching your breath slowly as you wring your hands together, calming down the excessive beating in your chest.

You lift your head slowly, looking up at him, eyes brimming with tears, "Sorry." You both say at the same time. He chuckles, letting you go first.

"I'm sorry…" you speak in a quiet voice, "That you had to see that. I can understand if this isn't what you imagined-"

"You're beautiful." He smiles calmly at you. He leans his head back against the wall as he lets out a sigh of relief, "I was so scared, I had no idea what to do!" He pounds on his chest slightly, "Any longer and I think I might've joined you." He laughs aloud, but the laughter dies down, a soft look on his face as he stares at you, tears streaming down you face and he brings himself closer, "I love you." He leans his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, as he synchronizes his breathing with yours.

"You're beautiful." You mumble softly as you stroke his cheek, knowing that when Tom told you that, everything felt at peace, someone finally accepted you. He looked a little shaken at first, but he relishes in the feeling, closing his eyes as he leaned his cheek into your hand.

He was just like you.

"It's heavy, right?" You smile sadly at him, he doesn't answer but you know he hears you, "It's heavy feeling all alone. Having to be you and all alone." He nods quietly, "I'm here." You say calmly, "I'm here with you. It'll become a lot lighter." You blink back the tears. 

He was just like you.

_______________________________________________

You two were standing at the station, albeit slightly awkward as a space between the two of you appeared ever since you two stepped onto the platform.

You clutched your right arm, your left arm across your torso as you kicked an invisible speck of dirt from the platform. Passengers started flooring the place as you hear loud calls of your name that has the two of you jumping in surprise.

"Y/N!!!" You see a pale hand from behind all the smoke, "Y/N! Over here!"

You walk towards the voice, and you stop when you come face to face with Tom, who had yet to see you and was pulling his cap down so nobody got a good look at his face. He turns his head, right in your direction and despite all the anxieties you had earlier, his face breaks out into a giant grin and he runs over to you, picking you up and spinning you around. It wasn't awkward. It would never be awkward with Tom, before all else he was your friend. Well he'd fight tooth and nail with you on that. To him, you were never his friend, he was always sure the two of you would be together. But to you, he was a friend first and this was exactly how it was between you two.

He sets you down, crossing his muscular arms across his chest, "Jesus, is Marvel making you lift weights even during the read throughs?" You laugh, poking his biceps, "Those has gotten bigger." 

Tom shrugs, bashfully, but you and Haz both know he crossed his arms only for that purpose, even though it was a habit of his, you guide them towards Timothee, who still had his feet planted in the spot you left him in, "This is Timothee!" You introduce them. You were slightly nervous in introducing them.

Haz was no problem, he was a guy's guy. Very bro-like and could get along with anyone. Tom was more of a wildcard. You've never actually seen him get jealous but that was because you never gave him a reason to be, but now you were single and Timothee was definitely not just a friend. 

Tom grabs Timothee's open hand first, Timothee chuckles nervously, "Quite a grip you got there." You look down at their hands, Timmy's hand going slightly red.

"Great to meet you man." Haz does that strange bro hug thing, "You've been taking care of Y/N here, yeah?"

Tom clears his throat, "So, how has it been here in Italy?"

You scratch the back of your head, "Well, Italy's Italy. It's freaking hot here."

You look over at Timothee, grinning over at Tom who wasn't paying any attention to him.

"Man, this is great. I'm meeting fucking Spiderman." This catches Tom's attention, "I almost got cast as him, you know."

"Huh." Tom chuckled, "What could have been, yeah?" He pulls along his suitcase as Timothee and Haz lead the way to the car.

Even though it was just some stupid thing he said, you can't help but believe there was something more the what Tom said, "And what cat got your tongue?" He pokes your cheek and you shake your head.

"No cat." You pull back his cap, "but your cap is distracting me." You laugh, "Literally nobody here will recognize you."

"I've been meaning to bring this up, but just haven't since we've been in a group till now, but is everything alright?" He grabs your wrist, bringing your hand closer to your face. Of course he'd notice. Tom always noticed, no matter how small. He saw you, and he always made a point to ask about it.

You smile to yourself, "There have been bad days." You sigh, "But nothing I can't handle."

"Without me?" 

He doesn't look over at you, afraid of the answer that would come out of your mouth.

They place their baggage into the trunk. But you're still stuck in your head even when you're sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window. To a degree, you could understand how Tom was being and how he was feeling. He had questions. But he was never the type to force for amy of his questions to be answered if you didn't answer them yourself. It was almost like a guessing game if you weren't used to how Tom was. So whether he'd get the answers he seemed so desperate for on this trip was fully and completely in your court. Was that why he came here?

A soft graze on your shoulder brings you back from your thoughts. It was Timothee. You notice he didn't touch your hand this time. 

He chuckles nervously, "Tom's been calling you for a while now." He keeps his eyes straight on the road.

You shake your head, laughing, completely fake, "Sorry! You know how I am, Tom." you look behind over at him from your seat.

He has his arms crossed in front of his chest, tense, his gaze was out the window but there was a sadness to his eyes and an irritation in the way his lips formed in a tight line, he laughs with you, fake as well, "Totally! Classic, Y/N. I swear if no one's around she'd walk into traffic." She chuckles, "In fact I remember during the last City of London Festival, I nearly lost you in the parade."

You giggle, remembering the whole thing. You'd seen a dog that strangely looked like Tessa so you followed it only to realize you lost Tom and that the dog wasn't Tessa. And you'd spent the morning looking for each other. Since it was such a huge parade there was no cell service, and Tom was in a panic because he was scared that the amount of people would trigger a panic attack. But knowing he was looking for you kept you grounded. Eventually you found each other at the Van Gogh section of the fair grounds because Tom remembered Van Gogh was your favorite. You remembered how tight he hugged you then, how you two could laugh about it now but Tom was practically sobbing when he found you, shaking and scared that if he didn't find you, someone would find you having an attack, something you told him you wanted to be kept an absolute secret. But all you remember feeling that day was like you found your way back home, you were never scared because Tom would always find you.

But now things were different. Tom still felt like home but at the same time he felt like a stranger in the skin of someone you used to know everything about.

__________________

The car comes to a stop at a quaint hostel, they were apparently able to rent out two nights here, but knowing how charismatic Haz was it was definitely no surprise.

Timothee taps on the steering wheel, "Well, we've got a couple of scenes to shoot but hopefully by 6 we'll be finished since we're doing day shots today so we could probably have dinner." 

Haz peeks into the car, having just taken their luggage out, Tom pulls them along to the entrance and slowly approaches the passenger seat, "Yeah sounds great, mate." Haz shuts the door, tapping Tom and motioning towards the hostel as if to say we'd be getting them checked in.

Tom had an arm on top of the car while he leaned down  towards your window, "I'll see you later, alright?" His voice is soft and so are his eyes as he pleads that you follow through with your plans. He'd probably been sensing you'd make up some bullshit excuse not to see them that night. As sad as it may be, you never even thought of making excuses not to see Tom, not until this very moment at least.

You give him a reassuring smile, "Yeah, we have a lot to catch up on."

He nods silently, tapping the hood of the car twice before he lifts a hand to say goodbye to you, but nothing for Timothee.

_________________________

You were sat on one of those foldable chairs with your name on it as you watched what Luca said would be "usable" for the final cut when the seat next to you gets filled, "So, I was thinking Santorini."

You notice the lack of touching and the increased distance between the two of you as he leaned forward towards the screen but not towards you where the screen was closest.

You hum, "Santorini? You must be trying to impress then."

"Exactly who is Timothee trying to impress?" Luca's thick Italian accent fills the space between the two of you as his hands find purchase on the back of Timothy's chair, "Has he met someone? I do not approve."

Timothee gives Luca a look, "You KNOW it's not that." He sighed, "I'm just trying to-" he sighs again, pounding exasperated, "Tom Holland is in town and he just doesn't seem to like me. I'm just trying to get on his good side."

"Tom Holland? That brute of human muscle? Appeasing him should be easy enough like appeasing a dog-" Luca realizes exactly who he's insulting before sneaking a look at you, "I mean, he must be a sensitive soul, a humanitarian-I'm sorry, Y/N, you know where my loyalties lie." He shrugs.

You wave a hand, giggling, "It's fine really. When you really get to know him, he's a lot more than what he looks." You ponder for a minute, "But if you really want to impress him, he like wine and steak. He has a cigar every now and then and he likes places where you can go walking after eating."

Luca blinks, "Well, you won't find any worthwhile places here for steak, wine, there probably is, but I would recommend going out of town for this one, I'll have my assistant text you the details." He shoots Timothee a looks before scurrying away to talk with Armie.

_________________________________

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Timothee's nervously tapping on the steering wheel as you tried to figure out whether you chose the right destination that Waze was navigating yu towards.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Seems like it.” You notice the slight tremble in his fingers, and then it hits you all at once, the lights are in your eyes and the cameras are flashing against the windshield, “Fuck.” You muttered, “Luca said there would be more people here than the town we’re flming in but for fuck’s sake I didn’t expect this.”

The car comes to a stop in front of a fancy looking restaurant with a red stanchion and a red carpet leading to the entrance, “We’ll need to leave the car with valet, are you okay with stepping out with those people around?”

You sigh, “Well, we’ve got no choice, these guys aren’t leaving anytime soon and there’s nobody who would drive us to the back and take care of parking.” You shrug, taking a deep breath you open the door and then you’re bombarded with questions.

“Y/N! What are you doing at a restaurant like this with Timothee Chalamet?” 

“Is there something brewing between the two of you?”

“Y/N, we saw Tom going inside a while ago, are you two on a date?”

“Have you two kissed and made up?”

“Who are you really on a date with tonight, Y/N?”

“Is this a date night? We have the two of you been this whole time?”

“Did Tom come to Italy to visit you on set?”

“You and Timothee look quite close, does Tom already know about this? What did he have to say?”

You feel an arm wrap around your back and instead of finding Timothee next to you with his arm secured around your back, it’s Tom, pushing past the paparazzi with one arm while the other was tucked behind your back all the while Timothee was still speaking with the valet, one of them apparently asking for pictures and autographs.

Tom slouches, leaning his head closer to yours as his hand grips your arm reassuringly, “I heard a commotion outside, and I thought it would be you.” 

You appreciate the hold he has on you but you try to get it to soften up even if just a bit, “Well knowing these guys they’ll make some bullshit article about how we’re here on a date and we’re getting back together so maybe ease up a bit on your grip.”

You two step inside, Timothee following closely behind, Tom faces him and holds out a hand, “Thanks for getting Y/N here in one piece.” He finally shoots Timothee a smile, “And really, thank you for looking out for her this whole time. I can’t tell you how worried I’ve been about how Y/N was managing here, but she seems to be doing alright thanks to you and Armie.”

Timothee’s smile is practically glowing as he reaches over to grab Tom’s hand and shake it enthusiastically. While the two of them are chatting by the front desk, you walk over to the table where Haz was sat all alone, “I take it you had a talk with Tom?” You snort.

He sighs, “Yeah, it wasn’t an easy conversation but he came around soon enough. I told him you wouldn’t want him fighting with a close friend of yours and he eventually calmed down.”

“The crowd out there was crazy, I honestly thought Italy was a pretty quiet place but it’s pretty bad.”

He shrugs, “Well you three are pretty up and coming, especially since we’re with Tom, the current Spiderman and Timothee who’s certainly been making headlines lately, then add you to the mix and it’s even bigger.”

Haz flags down a waiter making his rounds around the dining area, “Hey man, sorry about this but if it’s not too much trouble, could you maybe handle the crowd outside, my friend has problems with her anxiety and getting rid of them would be a lot of help.”

The waiter nodded calmly before proceeding out the front to ward off the photographers as Tom and Timothee come to sit at the table, Tom’s face unreadable with his mouth set in a thin line and his eyebrows coming together approaching the table seriously as Timothee looks like he’s optimistic about the night.