Is it wrong of me to have a boyfriend when I’m arospec and kinda romance-repulsed?
like I love him, sure, but not any different than I love my other friends. He likes to kiss me and likes when I kiss him and I think both are gross. I don’t mind it, usually, so it’s generally neutral to me.
It’s commensalism, maybe? A +/0 type of relationship. But sometimes it feels +/- because. I don’t know. I feel guilty and shit for not loving him how he loves me?
and he’s ace, he gets it. Sort of. But like. I don’t know if he really does? I’ve told him I’m lovepunk, and that I don’t view romantic relationships as fundamentally better than platonic ones. That I don’t really differentiate between them at all. And he didn’t break up with me over it but I don’t know if he GETS it. And I still feel guilty that I’m fucking something up.
Our friends say they’ve been watching us pine for each other for a year, before we started dating. I know I’ve seen him pining for me. I don’t think I ever felt different about him than I do about other friends. If I ever did, I definitely don’t know. Except for a heavy guilt when I think of him.
We’re dating because he asked me out. We don’t do anything I wouldn’t do with any of my other close friends. I don’t think of him often when we’re not together, but I think he thinks of me a lot.
I don’t know. I just. I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve always had trouble with people loving me more than I love them. I don’t know what to do when I can’t give them the love they give me
