I'm currently pooping and everytime I try to push my poop back in it makes a clacking sound

I know you're all still reading because you want to know about gross icky disgusting problems, and this is your own fault. So let me tell you a story!

I've had a life where paying attention to my physical health was the least of my issues, and if a problem was ignorable, you can be sure I ignored it. This proved to be a poor method of staying healthy, and now I am in fact, not doing so well. But that's not the point, the point is, I'm now paying much more attention to my body, and able to notice if something is up!

So one of the things I've ignored, was the condition of my armpit hair, which I shaved for only a very brief period of my life, and was happy to continue growing it out. I've noticed after a while, that there is some white coating on some of my armpit hair, and I thought, you know, I need to wash that stuff out! I need to scrub that area more, obviously it's still dirty somehow. However I would discover that no matter with what I scrub or wash, the white dots and coating on the hair would remain there. So it was not dirt, I was forced to conclude.

I looked it up, and the internet informed me, it is in fact, a bacterial infection. Shocked and baffled, I read some articles that recommended going to the doctor, getting antibiotics, shaving it off, using products to stop sweating, washing constantly not to get it again. It was utter defeat, after being so happy about my armpit hair being normal and all grown, to have to shave it again because of a stupid goddamn infection. They said the infection hits women and m*n the same, but women experience it less because they most commonly shave it off. Like firstly I don't believe you that most women do that, secondly you didn't mention the skin infections women can get from shaving.

But anyway, I had to shave it off in humiliation, and then I grew it back again, and I was more careful this time! To wash more carefully, to not allow myself to be sweaty, to dry off my armpits before putting clothes on, but after a while, it slipped my mind. I get anxiety sweating, I work a physical job, and I am a gardener. I get sweaty! And I like being sweaty and it doesn't feel bad and I would like, to not get an infection. But six months later the infection came back and now I'm brooding about it. I don't wanna shave it off again! I miss not knowing it was a legitimate problem, and I mean it's not like it's actively causing problems, just makes the smell of my armpit slightly stronger but I am okay with my own smell so the only thing that does bother me is knowing there is some bacteria in there having a field day while I'm enjoying my gross sticky life of being a physical worker.

So I am writing this to find out: is this a problem other women growing armpit hair have faced? Have you all known what it is? Did anyone find a solution that isn't a topical antibiotic and living a life where you don't ever get sweaty? If it turns out I'm the number one icky woman out there, so be it, I can be the leader. But I've never heard anyone talk about this, and I don't want to go to a doctor and hear 'why don't you just shave it off like all normal women' because I have the right to my armpit hair dammit, and I want it to be for my own enjoyment and comfort and the bacteria need to find some other job.

About a year ago, I started getting a red itchy rash on my body. I tried every cream, and got rid of everything with fragrance in my skin care routine, switched to better deodorant. No improvement, and it was NOT CUTE but so then I started having small allergic reactions to things like cucumbers and melon, and then bigger reactions to stuff like avocado and banana to and almonds and latex, so I went to an allergist.

I got tested for 89 foods, and 79 environmental things like pollen and molds and animals. I was right about things I already reacted to, and also apparently shellfish, which I don’t eat, anyways so... They test you for allergies by poking you on your back with a needle that has little samples of the possible allergen, and it’s safe but like so many pokes! They did food in one session and pollen in the other. They score the allergic reaction by the size of hive you get at each poke spot.

Almonds make my mouth tingle and swell, and I got a 4 on em. Clams I got a 5 and was told not to eat ever again. No loss. They look weird.

I went back to get the pollen test, and I scored basically nothing lower than a 7. And on hay... I scored A FORTY ONE. 

I scored several 20′s and up. The lady doing the test, was like “this is the worst I have seen.”

So then later in the week, I went to an event where they had tortoises  that you could watch be fed.

I was like “oh cool” but when I went to the room, I saw they had lots of hay in there, and I was like maybe it’s okay dokey if I don’t touch it, and then my throat felt tight like upon a minute of being near hay, and I felt sort of wheezy and gross, so my friends, I left the room.

what could be better? think of all those lame people out there who don't get physically ill when they get too stressed out. Absolute losers. All my homies end up sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for their laundry to run at 7:15 in the morning after not having slept all night and shaking bc they not only physically feel like shit but also are emotionally drained and feel stupid and incapable lmao