#tispy

"Do you ever wonder if you could literally stop thinking so damn hard?" Y/n asked as I helped her wash the dishes from tonight's dinner.

I hummed, as I towel dried the dishes she handed me. She always looked so peaceful doing the most domestic things. She was at home, but I am not.

This isn't my home, I'm just here to be someone for her to lean on. But don.t you want that Dean. She gets it all she can make sense of it. Dean, what are you holding onto?

We went out the next day, the people around town think that we are together. They whisper about how we look like a good couple. They don't know how much it hurts because I know that I'm not worth her time, her emotion, her years, I worth her I any sort of way.

Y/n god she deserves so much better, so what am I still doing here? Dean, you've been here for the past two months. Why would you leave after that long?

"Dean?" Y/n sweet voice brings me back to the reality of my life. I'm still sitting in front of the girl of my dreams I think. She is so beautiful, her smiles beam to the moon and back, her voice it's like caramel so sweet and homey almost, her hands are so soft as I hold it to drag her to the booth in the dinner in town.

Maybe that's why people think we are together because I'm a gentleman to her. She deserves everything that I can't give her. She most knows that by now right?

"Have you talked to Sam in a while?" She asks as she looks over the menu in the small dinner. Staring at her face, her skin tone falling in line with her eyes, she perfect.

I judge myself thinking yeah right Dean you can total have her. What do you think you are? You aren't the kid you used to be. You aren't buff anymore, you're years older. You're slow and shit in bed now.

I hear a snap. I shake my head bringing myself back into reality. "No, I haven't why?" I ask her trying my hardest to get a hold of my very parched voice. She gives me the concerning eyebrow, the one that I throw out to her.

"No reason. I was just wondering. Are you feeling okay? You seem off." Y/n says reaching over the table to grab my hand. "Yeah feeling fine Y/n, just thinking is all," I say the waitress coming over.

When we finish up at the dinner, Y/n insists on holding my hand. Her hands are so soft, do you ever have a moment of clarity and just know that you're meant to be with this person.

Yeah, moments like this happen. But do I deserve them? Does she deserve someone so broken? Does she really hold my hand laugh at my jokes, hold onto me tight when she cuddles on the couch? Is this going someplace or am I just joking myself?

That night we walked back to her house, the night sky was scattered with bright stars. If I deserved tonight would have been the perfect night to tell her how I feel, kiss her and take her, but I know that can never happen. She doesn't need anymore more disappointment in her life. She has already lost too much.

And Yes I know I'm making the choice for her, but it's better if I do so.

I don't know why it's better, but it just is.

Maybe it's because I don't have to face her, worry about her beautiful face being ripped with disappointment, anger, or the worst of all sadness.

We walked hand in hand, into her home. She yawned and grabbed a blanket that had been folded and set into a bin of other blankets. Tugging me in the direction of the couch. "Just come sit with me, Dean." She said

Her voice sweet like honey, it tricked me and I fell in tow behind her. Sitting down with her, she laid her head on my lap, extending her legs over the arm of the couch.

Her scent filled my nose. Y/n smelled of passion, love, commitment, hard work. She smelled of honey, sweet candies, and Lilly flowers. She was perfect, her eyelashes laying beautifully on her cheeks. Her plump lips half-open and shorts breathe leaving her lips. Her hand resting on my jean-covered knee.

She's fallen asleep, she breathes as slow and is more shallow. The tv isn't on, but the radio is. In the kitchen, I can barely hear the song playing, so I hum the lyrics of a simple man.

She turns in my lap, her head facing towards me. Her arm wraps around my lower waist, tugging and pulling herself closer to me. Y/n sighs and snuggles closer to me.

'She's so soft.'

Dean stops it, gets up. Take Y/n to bed and grab your shit and go. I'm fighting with myself. Why? Why am I fighting with myself over a girl? Over something, I'd never care about. Why am I concerned about how she might fall after I leave?

Why?

That's the foreboding question that I don't know the answer to. Well, maybe that's a lie. It most definitely is a lie.

I'm careful to get up, careful to grab Y/n by her upper arms and she falls into my chest, her legs wrap around my waist. She's limp and heavier than normal. She weighs on me like the thought of her does on my mind.

I climb the stairs careful to not make the stairs creak as I step up. She pulls herself around my neck, as I climb up the stairs. When I make it up the stairs I have to take a few rather deep breathe.

Gently kicking in her door, I lay her just on top of the sheets. She'll most definitely move during her sleep. I stare at her for a moment. The blinds on the window open just enough to let the moon and stars shine down on her face.

She has such a sweet face, one that gives you hope, love, understanding. She's everything everyone would want. She's perfect, but I'm not so I have to leave. I can't burden her with whatever mess she'll get herself into, or whatever mess she'll come right back into.

I gently bend down, kissing her forehead. "Goodbye sweets," I whisper into her forehead. Shutting the door, I race quietly over to the spare bedroom. Grabbing the bags, looking around where I've been for the past months.

Leaving down the stairs I locked the front door. I left, speeding down the main street in town. Leaving that was the only choice. When you have only one choice then the choice is easy.

Maybe it's because I didn't give myself a choice, I said that there's was no way she felt the same, why would she? What do I have to offer her, that she can't find in a much better man?

Driving was the best solution to get my mind off of her, off of the entire situation. Also alcohol, anything to stop thinking about her. Driving past a bar, I skidded to a full stop turning baby around a full 360, something baby has gotten used to over the past five years.

To someone who doesn't know me, the real me. I can play whatever character I want, I can be whoever I want. They don't have to know the emotional baggage I carry around with me, the things I've seen, they don't have to know how broken I am, or how undeserving I am of the passion they are able to weld out like nothing.

I park I roll in, and within a second I've got eyes on me, and not in a creepy way. 'Like this dude looks like a creep' more in the way of 'This dude, yeah he's mine. I'm fuckin' him tonight'.

Like a magnet draws the opposite thing, I drew that night probably six or seven girls. Blondes, brunettes, any type of girl you could think of. But before dealing with them I needed a drink. Not some silly ass wine that Y/n has, but something with a kick, something stronger to get away from her and out of my thoughts at least for now.

I'm usually not a vodka sorta guy, but I don't want o to remember, so this will have to do. That night I had so many drinks I wouldn't be able to tell you. I do remember one chick in particular.

Her fluffy hair sitting at her shoulders, a black tight shirt, a short skirt, and black pumps. She looked like any average sexy model out of a porno mag. She looked like she was there to find trouble, and when I say trouble I mean lots of it. She didn't introduce herself.

She invited herself to sit at my booth in the corner. Sliding in front of me, her small figure was something new in the seat. Her perfume gliding through the air, and into my mind. She smelled like every cheap perfume you buy from the drug stores in an effort to make some sort of change in your appearance.

She wasn't overbearing, wasn't showing too much cleavage, just enough to make you want to see more, ask for more, take her to a motel and see for yourself. So that's what I did, whisking her away from the now not too crowded bar since it was almost one am.

We drove in my baby, the women's hands landed on my thighs, inching their way up my thighs closer and closer, before she pulls away, and make no effort to fix the very painful issue she was making for me.

She drags me into the motel room after I jiggle with the card key. She impatient, moaning and whining as I glide my fingers over her hips. She bucks into me, whing and tugging at my jacket.

We share the first kiss of this night. Its teeth, and harsh no passion no love. She pulls away, "By the way, my name's Emma." She says sliding my jacket off my shoulders.

"Name's Dean." That's all I say in return.

I can't feel odd like this is wrong.

I slipped my hands up the inside of her shirt, cupping her breast. She moans and slips her head back against the motel wall. I buck my hips into her.

"Fu" She barely gets out. Squeezing her breast I move my lips to the open space she's left me. I suck on her pulse point, she moans bringing her hand up and dragging it through my hair. When I'm satisfied with my work, I leave her neck.

She's been grinding herself against me. My breathing is hard, and I'm trying to not be rough. It's as if she reads my mind, "Be as rough as you want Dean." She says as she slips off her shirt, and unclips her bra from behind her back.

Her tits bounce as she takes her bra off. I watch as she sways her plump ass moves in her skirt. She lays down on the bed, I take my shirt off it lands in a string of clothes.

She goes to take off her black pumps, "Leave the heels. It's sexy." The rest of the time I spent with Emma is a blur, her moans still yes ring in my ears.

I don't remember the next morning or the rest of that night. She was gone and I was drunk and alone. Y/n was alone, waking up to no one. What did you do Dean?

You couldn't handle the heat, so you bitched out. You ran away like you've always done.

Ding. I'm not awake enough to look at my screen, but I push myself.

>Dean? Where'd you go?

It's Y/n that's wonderful. Can you hear the sarcasm? This is just getting worse and worse.

I don't know what to say to her. I can't say anything so I ignore her.

>I'm coming back tell me where you are?

I send a message to Sam. I get a message back.

>Why are you coming back? I thought everything was going fine. I'm back at bobbys yard.

>Okay thank you.

That's all for the conversation I have with Sam.

Ding

>Dean? Why aren't you here?

Ding

>Did I do something? Did I say something?

It continues, the entire drive back to bobbys junkyard. It doesn't stop. I feel worse the further I drive away from her, She's alone and thinks it's her fault. She's crying over yet again guy, the same guy that promised her that he'd be there to protect her.

When I pull up to the yard I can see the tall figure of Sam standing on the porch. Shutting baby's engine off, I swig the door open breathing in the mechanical, oil smell in the air.

It's quiet as I grab my bag from the back seat. It's quiet as I walk up the porch.

"Why did you leave?" I hear Sam ask me.

I shrugged my shoulders, going to walk into the home that I was so used to. "Dean. I've been on the phone with Y/n for the past hour listing to her cry, about why men always leave her?" Sam says.

"You promised her, you promise me, Dean," Sam says grabbing my arm, I stand still for a moment, before shaking off his arm. "Stop lecturing me on the women I love Samuel. Stop telling me, what I'm supposed to do with the person I love when I don't deserve them when I don't deserve her." I said walking into bobbys home.

Stopping to turn around and to apologize Sam. I hear, "Y/n honey did you hear that?" Sam says into his phone. I can't hear the other side of the conversation. "Honey, I don't know what to tell you. Dean's a hard-headed person, and he's close with his emotions. I promise you he'll come around." Again a stop in the words Sam is saying.

"I know I promised you that months ago, but Dean gets scared. He gets stuck into his own head, give him a moment let him come around I promise, Y/n I promise you." Sam says.

"Okay, goodbye hon, call me if you need me." I hear him say.

I feel like I've been put in a corner and can't get out. I love her but I'm scared Sam rights, I just need to get a hunt in one more case, I just miss this. A Winchester isn't supposed to wait and have a normal life, we've never been normal.

I'm at a loss is all.. I think.

We Found Each Other Part 5

Completed on: 05/26/2021

Posted on: 06/01/2021

Dean Winchester Tag List: @akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl@doctorlilo@hit-meup69@wonderfulworldofwinchester@fofisstilinski