#tipsycats

@tipsycats They certainly tried to frame it otherwise. Healthy pizza, hip hip hooray! I started a revolt against it and made the adults get us real pizza.

@tipsycats Maybe you do. You’ll have to have a way with me if you want to know what the fuck killed Hot Pockets®. I’d be honored as shit to help you with your scientific endeavor.

@tipsycats You might be able to find out one day, but you never know what can happen on the Internet. Someone might be watching, someone might be documenting. I’m being needlessly exaggerative about the flaws of online privacy, but you get the gist. Not sure what that means exactly, but I’ll take it. Thanks, Jake.

@tipsycats I’m sorry, I can’t reveal more than what I have. Otherwise... you would know too much and I’d have to disappear from the internet. Just let me tell you, you’re fucking right when you say “worst possible fuckin timeline”. I’m Dirk. Nice to meet you, Jake.

@tipsycats​ See, you at least have some on hand. Well, metaphorically, at least. I don’t even have the option of deciding not to get up and microwave one of those tasty Hot Pockets®. I use it because it’s part of the formal name, obviously. I’m paying respects to a lost corporation.

@tipsycats The pizza variants of Hot Pockets® were the bomb.