THE SOUL IN PARAPHRASE

chronomania how are you feeling?

demiurgial Im alright, I think. Id like to extend the same question to you.

chronomania that's good. you think? not sure? not great actually. i've 8een on the verge of puking several times now 8ut i'm holding it 8ack.

demiurgial Yeah, Im not sure. Is there anything I can do to help at all?

chronomania i don't really know. my head is so foggy, you know?

chronomania it's funny, i didn't think science could make me feel so 8ad. we know more now 8ut... let's may8e never do that again.

demiurgial Of course, yeah.

chronomania do you ever think we're going too far, dirk?

demiurgial Killing our clones was, yeah. I think that was something I shouldve considered more deeply before going through with it.

chronomania yeah. i didn't even consider a clone could end up like that. then again, i don't ever tend to think a8out consequences, so.

demiurgial I think... relying on building simulations for new tests first might be a good idea. In the case that something goes awry, it can just be shut down.

chronomania yeah. that's a really good plan. i agree.

demiurgial Yes, alright. I can be more careful with planning for our future scientific endeavors, as well. I usually am a lot more thorough in how I go about new projects. I apologize for not treating this experiment with the same caution.

chronomania it's okay. i'm not mad at you. i didn't treat it with caution either. i can't 8elieve i was like.. excited to sta8 a clone. i didn't think a8out what that could mean for me. i dunno. it's weird.

demiurgial Yeah. I wanted to ask you. Why are you pursuing our project? Not that you should or shouldnt, I just want to... have a better understanding of how you are approaching this.

chronomania well. okay. give me a moment to type. this might not 8e fully coherent.

demiurgial Take your time.

chronomania i am pursuing this 8ecause... i'm almost searching for some sort of purpose, i guess. if the existence i am leading now cannot inherently have meaning, is there may8e the possi8ility that it might if i, you know, "8ecome god"? can i have reason--and can that reason 8e that i have truly em8raced what i have 8een la8elled as? can i have purpose as a higher 8eing? and moreso, if this does not work out, if my path does not lead to me 8ecoming the god i think i really desire to 8e, then can it at least... lead to a route where i can permanently experience o8livion? are these actions so immoral that perhaps the universe might deign it just, if someone were to try to eliminate me for all these things we've done? can i ensure myself a way out, if i cannot give my life the reason i so desperately desire to have? i can't lie to you a8out that last part. you heard... other me today.

demiurgial I understand.

chronomania you do?

demiurgial Yes. When we spoke about nihilism early in our interactions, I think I mentioned the desire to overcome it. I meant that in a way similar to your desire for a purpose. The world is objectively meaningless, this much I know—or at least believe—to be true. To overcome that is to view its objective meaningless as an opportunity. To take hold of that meaningless as a place to define your own, personal meaning—not something muted like picking from societys values, or friends virtues, but—the entire, swelling project of moral creation. Your own morals. Your own meanings. Everything, on your own terms because the world cannot impose what it doesnt have. I cant do it though. I cant look the meaninglessness in the eyes and spit in its face.

chronomania yeah. neither can i. i never have. every moment i continue to live i just feel like such a fucking joke. if it wasn't for the game, i would literally 8e dead right now.what is the point of me going on like this? what is the purpose of my existence 8eing continued in this way? for what reason was i designated the thief of time, given literally the tool i needed to continue on, while also 8eing handed immortality? if my existence was meaningless as a wriggler how could it have any sense of meaning now? the only thing i can possi8ly conceive as the way to overcome all this is to 8ecome god.

demiurgial Godhood appeals to me because its traditionally associated with the ability to define things, shape things, command things.

chronomania i want to em8ody my tier. i want to em8ody what the game has called me, and i want the right and the chance to say that i am at the reins now, and i am going to 8e god, and i am going to 8e the one who says what my life will 8e. yeah.

demiurgial Is it possible just to do exactly that by believing in it enough? By training yourself to be able to ignore an objective meaninglessness—no, not ignore but mock it?

chronomania possi8ly. i'd like to think so. if we can 8ecome our gods, 8ecome god, then we could theoretically take this deeply set in feeling and knowing and march it right out the door.i'd like to think we could do that. it'd 8e nice.

demiurgial Yeah.

chronomania yeah.