MAJESTY

Luckier in the sense that you’ve probably got some doe-eyed girlfriend who fawns over your every word, ‘cuz you’re a catch? Interesting take on a tale as old as time. Personally? I’m all for slapping the “luckiest” title on your GF.

You’re real sweet, in any case. I hope your girlfriend knows how lucky she is, ‘cuz that is hard to come by these days.

Don’t mind me. My metaphorical existence should hinder you no longer. Go buck fucking wild, brosif. Unleash the beast on all these poor, unsuspecting bloggers and burn this website to the ground.

Ohhai Mark.

The immoral, immortal, immeasurable constant of existence is unforgiving in the face of all, unrelenting in the ultimate fate, unwilling to give relief in times most dire. It does not wait for circumstance, does not ask for more, does not change itself the way that the river changes the earth. Unborn upon destiny’s anvil, unmade from what was. But yeah, that would totally change things. I’d give it a hot ‘n spicy ∞/10 on the scale of getting me to do something that isn’t completely selfish in nature. I’d go Mary Poppins (1964) on your ass and slap a big honkin’ magical purse on the table, filled with anything you could ask for. Reason and physics cannot cage the sheer force of my weakness to everything you do.

If you speak my name three times with the intention of asking me to do something, I’ll appear behind you and make the exact opposite of that happen. My life as a chaotic being of indescribable energy is unending, even with ice cream and GFs call for the pumpin’ out of the straight ‘n narrow Hamburger Helper, 2.0 of Santa’s elves, risen from the Arctic with the pungent odor of at least three different boxed and dried spices of secret origins. A terribly sad fact of life, as it were. I simply can’t be brought to deal out the hottest of helpings, even when it’s a time of need.