#tinder experiment

After a while, the matches stopped. I kept seeing women from 70 kilometers away and almost noone from around. I saw nurses/teachers/models/bloggers and people who only had their Instagram in their bio. Again and again, like there were no other options. So many women posing half naked and expected to be taken seriously. No bio, just pictures. No info about her personality, what she’s looking for, interests, hobbies… Just pictures. I understand being proud of your body, but let people discover that for themselves after they’ve gotten to know you.

There were the obvious working girls, who were promoting a certain sex website. It was a nice change in scenery, but they all got swiped away.

I got more negative. No more likes, no more matches. Everything came to a complete standstill. So I started swiping every single one to the right. I did not look if they had bio’s, multiple pictures or were even near me. Just that one picture and a name. Everyone got swiped to the right. And then nothing. Nothing changed. I didn’t get more matches, more likes, more anything. It just died.

Waiting for a sign of life was soul crushing. It made you feel so unwanted. I wasn’t going to keep this going and tell my friend noone was matching him. The difference between mens and womens profiles was enormous.

So now another question rose: Is it the profile or Tinders algorithm?

What if we create a profile with a very attractive man, with no bio, no extra info? Just pictures.

This all started when my male friend once again quit on Tinder and any online dating apps. I have met many great people on there and even my fiancé. So I wondered: Is the difference between men and women on Tinder so high? I asked my friend if I could create a profile for him, choose the pictures and write the bio, and see how conversations go if a woman writes them.

I got 5 matches in de first few days. Started a conversation with 3 of them to start and waited for responses. Everytime I would report to my friend, ask for his input and then formulate it in an answer. One girl was talkative, we exchanged conversation 3-4 chat bubbles at a time. Funny and light conversation about travel experiences and getting out of the house during corona. So my friend suggested to get her from Tinder to his messenger so they could meet in person, go for a walk in nature and get to know each other. I suggested this and she completely ignored the message, said he had been busy all day and the chat bubbles went to the amount of 2. I tried to reassure her and get the conversation back on track, but it was too late. We acted a little fast and scared her off. No more conversation.

The second one had a very young mind, so conversation didn’t last. The third one answered once and then fell off the planet.

Now I’ll say this right now, I don’t usually do this, but the say that I had my first meeting with Lawyer Guy I had also planned to meet another guy who also seemed very attractive and perhaps even more my type. He shall be dubbed “The Hipster”. The Hipster goes to a prestigious art school I was also accepted to, and so I was naturally drawn to him when looking at his Tinder profile. He had the typical hipster style; framed glasses, beanie, some stubble. A girl can’t help what she finds attractive, okay? Our texting banter seemed to go over well as we had the same humour and so I decided drinks at his apartment would be a good first meeting. 

Between Lawyer Guy and The Hipster, I had a class, so afterwards I sent him a text asking for his address and once was told began to head in to the centre of the city. As it turns out, his apartment was very close to his university and I was amazed that a college student could afford it, especially without any financial aid. Once I get to the apartment, I give him a short call and ask him the details of how to get in. His voice even sounded nice so I was feeling oddly optimistic about our next encounter.

i’m sure you can assume how that was a bad move, but let me explain why in two short sentences.

I arrived at his apartment door, knocked. The door opened and I looked down.

Unfortunately, I had forgot to casually ask about his height since it wasn’t listed on his profile. Since I was wearing doc martens I was about one inch taller than usual and this did not help the me to him ratio. I guess you could say I’m tall for a female but it’s not like i’m 6 feet or anything.

So as you can imagine, any possible budding feeling of interest has immediately died and I’m stuck having to sit this date out a constant three feet away to avoid any intimate interactions. 

While I wasn’t attracted to his apartment, I was attracted to his decor, and his choice of drinks. We had a couple alcoholic drinks while he played some vinyl on his record player (SO hipster) and had some chats about art and design, and halloween. It was then made known that he had no mixer for vodka, so we made a short trip to the corner store for juice. I was pretty hungry at this point so when I saw rice cakes on sale I picked up a pack and started eating them as soon as we left the store. Don’t worry, I offered one to him too.

You may have noticed at this point I just don’t give a fuck about how I appear to this guy anymore. I don’t care, I’m getting free drinks.

We have a few more cocktails and then he takes me to the roof of his apartment building. I swear to god if I were shorter or he taller, this would have been so fucking romantic. We could see the night sky amongst the city skyline and it was so beautiful. I even instagramed it, lol. I could tell he was trying to lay some moves on me but god knows I was NOT having it, so we went back inside, had another drink, talked about drugs, and I pulled the “I’m going to miss my last bus I’m going to have to go!” on him. He insisted on getting me an uber home if I stayed, but again, i was N O T having it, so I told him we could continue another time, and basically booked it out of the apartment, got home after an hour, and instantly fell asleep.

You can bet your sweet ass that this dates setting was at a pub and I did not have a good time. Okay end of prelude.

This has to be the oldest guy I’ve swiped yes to, simply because I wanted to test how old I could go before it became weird. This guy was a good eleven years older than I was but still seemed very interested in me, which while felt somewhat powerful, was also kind of weird. So let me introduce you to Tech ET. He goes on to tell me that he’s in a polyamorous relationship and looking for another partner. When I swiped yes to him I wasn’t really sure if I really found him that attractive, but he seemed so interested in me that I decided to give it a shot.

It should be noted that a couple nights before I got quite drunk and I have a habit of drunk calling everyone I have as a contact on my phone, and he happened to pick up. I knew right off the bat that I was not going to like the date we were going to go on because his voice was higher than average and he seemed.. very nerdy. BUT, because he already marked off his calendar for me (he literally told me that, no lies) I knew I couldn’t bail on this.

I’ve never been a pub person to begin with. If I can choose, I almost always prefer the dark bar scene where it’s loud and casual. Pubs seem like places for people like my parents.

We meet in the evening in front of the venue and I’m put off by his looks (he looks like ET thus the name) but thank god he’s at least taller than me. After asking, Tech ET tells me he prefers younger girls because they’re not looking for a long term serious relationship, which is true in some ways. Most of the discussion flows around me and my interests, experiences, and hobbies which I would normally welcome, but since it was mostly me it was uncomfortable. When he does talk though, all I can think is “oh my god shut up I don’t care”. He talks only about biking, and being active which are two things I do not like to do. ... Well, I do like biking but not as much as he apparently does.

The only thing we can have a good conversation about is politics since I have a huge interest and knowledge, and him as well. The entire night I only had one drink since

a) I didn’t want to spend the whole night there  b) I didn’t want to be drunk and vulnerable to him and  c) he couldn’t get the bartenders attention.

At one point in the night when I come back from a bathroom break, an old Irish man is talking to him and then begins talking to us both and the awkward just oozes everywhere. I finally make a fake excuse saying I have a self-made curfew and had to be back home soon. He bought it, and unfortunately offered to drive me home. I lowkey didn’t want to go with him, but figured at this point if I was gonna be raped he would’ve drugged me by now. So we get in his car and he goes on and on about how he had fun and how he wants to see me again and I’m all like “mhmm? oh yeah! hahahahahah!” because I don’t want to die.

I get him to drop me off near my apartment, book it out of the car avoiding any goodbye kisses, and speed walk home. He watches me walk which makes me anxious but finally drives off. 

To end this thrilling saga, he texts me a few days after and I ghost him but then decide that’s a bad idea since we had a conversation on the whole idea of ghosting. I send him a text along the lines of “oh sorry not over my ex k byeeee” and he gets all emotional asking if there’s any chance of us working. Bruh, hell nah. IT WAS ONE DATE FOR CHRISTS SAKE.

My last text from him was this exactly: (without the use of my real name of course)

“Goodnight B. Goodbye for any length of a while.”

I hated math with a passion in school, and while I’ve come to accept it now, I can't say I’ve ever been an enthusiast about the subject except perhaps now.

When I swiped yes to PhD guy, I wasn’t sure if I’d like him, really. His bio was non existent, I couldn’t tell what he looked like in detail from his pictures, and we hadn’t really talked that much beforehand, except for small tidbits of information. But he seemed nice, so I decided I would go through with the date.

Before the date however, I made some questionable decisions because I’m an idiot. 

I couldn’t remember the exact place the restaurant was located, so I decided to hang out with a very close friend of mine who had been there with me before so he could point me in the right direction. We had quite a bit of time before my date though, so this ended up with us buying an entire cheesecake and eating it in a comp sci lab with his friends and ate a few other things while we were there too. We then find the location of where I’m supposed to be, and my friend decides right then and there that he’s gonna have a gourmet sausage at the shop beside where I’ll be... which was oddly comforting.

It was at this point, while waiting with my friend and his sausage that I was becoming more and more nervous. What if he’s ugly? what if he’s short? What if he’s boring? What will I do?!

I wait outside the restaurant and for some unknown reason, I decide to call my mom and talk about my day to calm me down a bit, then mid call I see a man waking towards me who obviously knew who I was. I told my mom I had to go when we were about to go in and apologized. There was an awkward hug (my backpack was on cause I had gone directly from class to hang out) and we went inside.

Holy fuck my friends, he was attractive as attractive an be. Dark thick hair, dark eyes, and had an energy about him that just vibe with me so well. We ordered food and beer and started talking. Conversation was a bit difficult because of noise and the fact that it was a first date, but we eventually really got to get to know each other. He mentioned first off how he had recently gotten out of a long term relationship, which was good to know but made me weary. We even talked first date taboo topics, like abortion, religion, and politics and agreed on every subject which was a step in the right direction.  Since I had eaten half a damn cheesecake before meeting PhD guy, I couldn’t really finish my food which was a bit embarrassing but the beer flow definitely helped.

He got the bill at the end, and since the date went so well, we wandered the city streets holding hands until we found a bar to get more drinks at and talk. He tells me more and more about math, and he makes it not boring, but interesting. I mean, I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about, but he’s passionate and normal about it so I’m game. And he’s interested in what I do too. We make our way to another bar, where I get the tab, and sit next to each other talking, getting more and more drunk. By this point I’m really starting to feel the alcohols effects and so is he. We lean into each other more, laughing more, touching thighs, touching hands. He leans in and kisses me and I love it. Every second with this guy I am liking him more and more. 

How could I have gotten so lucky with tinder? 

We talk about our favourite drinks and he tells me about caesars, and I tell him that I’ve never had one before. He scoffs and invites me to his apartment so he can make me one. I oblige, liquor mostly talking for me. We walk to his apartment, and I find out it’s in the centre of the city, obviously not a cheap place. He puts on some music (we have the same taste in music!!) and makes me a drink to try. Turns out I hate caesars so he drinks mine for me, laughing. He then decides it’s a great idea to show me Mongolian throat singing, and we end up dancing and grinding to it? Yeah I don’t know. Alcohol, man.

Things get heated, and before you know it, I’m in his bed. It’s at this point, sober, I’m not sure if I really made the right decision. At the time while I did’ want to believe it, it’s clear he’s really not over his ex. I’m not sure if not sleeping with him would’ve changed the outcome or not, but I guess we will never know.

We wake up the next morning, have a good morning romp, and go watch an indie film while cuddling on his couch, followed by food and youtube videos. And then more sex. I stayed until well in the afternoon before deciding I should get going.