#time passed

Little freak, you Jezebel

This would be the general perception of people who don’t conform to society’s norms being called freaks and could also allude to Harry’s preferences in bed with the lingerie and dirty talk earning him the affectionate moniker of little freak from his partner.

Jezebel would be a direct allusion to “her” and how she, in the form of a she-devil, is inextricably linked to the freak he feels like and the freak he is in bed.

Starry haze, crystal ball

Somehow, you've become some paranoia

It’s like young Harry was trying to look into his future through a crystal ball, trying to predict the path it would take by the stars. He was just trying to see if “she” will become a reality for him or just remain a looming paranoia to hide for the rest of his life with the word paranoia instantly bringing to mind the connotations of something to hide and something to dread. He hid “her” from Louis and dreaded everyday he couldn’t be “her”.

A wet dream just dangling

But your gift is wasted on me

The kind of sex Harry does want to have seems so within reach, he could’ve just told Louis the lingerie was a kink for him and they could’ve made it work. But it wasn’t a mere kink for him, Harry wanted the full experience of having sex according to his gender identity, he couldn’t bear with diluting the truth to get just a bit of the satisfaction. He wanted to be known, to be intimate, to be accepted.

The word gift is so polarising from the word paranoia that you see his warring perspectives on how he may view his gender. Contempt and euphoria battling it out with each other. And it’s as if he says to “her” that her gift of femininity, of the indescribable feeling of not quite fitting into a man, is a gift that he isn’t allowed to appreciate right now while half of his mind shoves him back into the skin suit of adult male.

Paranoia

Gift

I was thinkin' about who you are

Your delicate point of view

I was thinkin' about you

An eternity of thinking it over again and again, of researching and watching YouTube videos and reading articles. All he’s done is thought about and through her “delicate point of view”. His world completely changed, his demeanour towards Louis changes, when he’s looking at life through her delicate point of view and that’s all he wants.

I spilled beer on your friend, I'm not sorry

In the fic I definitely got the feeling that there were points where Harry resented Louis for not accepting “her” even though he hadn’t discussed “her” with him yet and there are then so many moments where Harry is so overwhelmed by the thoughts in his head that he lashes out at Louis. Again and again. And there are so many points where he doesn’t regret jabbing him, bitterness swirling through him. These jabs are the beer he spilled on the man “she” is in love with and wants a relationship with.

Tracksuit and a ponytail

You hide the body all that yoga gave you

I think nothing sums up this lyric better than excerpt from the fic itself.

And they just stand there, content with the close proximity. Louis taking his body in. His pecs, his arms, his shoulders, his bulge. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. "Well that's good, that's good." He follows Harry's line of conversation too late. Hands on his waist. "You should feel good." And he asks his tummy, "Do you like it?"

Harry gets that goofy smile, making a face. "I mean… yeah. Sure. I think."

"Well everyone gets a bit insecure, yeah?" This time told to his face. Soft, strong. "That's all."

"Mm."

Louis raises his brows.

"Yeah." And Harry laughs, gripping his shorts so tight his knuckles are white.

Red wine and a ginger ale

But you would make fun of me, for sure

Another excerpt

Didn’t cross his mind at all on that bed when Harry was pulling open his hotel bathrobe and revealing a black lingerie set clinging skimpy on him, barely covering his balls. Louis thought it was ridiculous. Harry must have been joking.

Here the you does remind me of Louis and his initial reaction to Harry’s foray into his gender expression which was of silent ridicule because he didn’t understand it at all. And in the other sense, reading some of these parts just feel like “her” mocking Harry for going to every length possible to get Louis’ and his own acceptance except through actually talking about it.

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

This verse just brings to mind the beginning of the fic where Harry suddenly brought new elements into his Louis’ sex life like lingerie and calling his asshole a pussy only to be faced with discomfort and borderline ridicule from Louis. He jumped off the deep end when showing his gender identity to his partner and ended up drowning for a while.

Louis squeezed at the empty fabric of that B-cup bra the whole time, feeling stupid, knowing by the way Harry squeezed his wrist that he loved it. Loved it, loved it.

Just thinkin' about you

Just thinkin' about you

In summation, I think I’ve irreparably hurt myself by listening to this song obsessively for a month but I don’t regret it. Little Freak is the official soundtrack for this fic, idc idc.

Oh and this song was written and recorded in Japan where TimePassedrry did most of his gender soul searching so even the real Harry said Time Passed rights ok?