#ticket taker

Right. Spicy art. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

(You don’t see anything like that- it’s cropped and I don’t like the bottom part anyway)

I also haven’t coloured it soo..

Commission for @lunalumiessence on twitter / x !

Thankyou for the support wahhh!! 💛

This is a fanfic based off of the freak circus,

-TRIGGER WARNING: Implied s/h & Panic attack/Meltdown-

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The cold brisk air of the night would caress his skin in a comforting manner, he’d peer around at the disappearing figures of the guests, letting out a small sigh of relief.. ‘Yet another day going somewhat smoothly, with some…. Small bumps along the way’.... His blue eye would flash a quick glance at both Pierrot’s tent and Harlequin’s, before pulling out a small checklist and pen out of one of the many pockets he had within his coat. On the checklist were a couple of scrapped notes and a list of his schedule.. his eyes would scan over the list, checking off some of the tasks he had completed for the day. He'd tap the pen on the side of the wooden board, his eyes scanning over the rest of the tasks he had left to complete… a sharp pain pierced his head, it was a usual slow but gradual throbbing pain.. he always dealt with what.. were they called again.. ‘A Tension headache’?. Shaking his head a little he’d stroll towards the gate briskly shutting it with a painfully loud screech, leaving his ears ringing as he looped the lock around the cold iron bars, the padlock making a click as it latched into place. 

“Bil…. how is closing up going”..? a familiar voice would call out to him he’d turn around in a calm manner, smiling, exhaustion showing apparent on his ‘mask’.. “Good..” he’d stretch out his back slightly after his long day of strolling around the circus and making sure nothing went wrong, “just finishing the rest of my duties” Bil would glance around looking at the rubbish strewn on the floor, a subtle grumble of annoyance escaping his lips. He’d glance back up at the being who called out to him,  “these humans are quite… disgusting” Bil would pause picking up some of the rubbish that laid on the ground. “how was your performance… Jester”? he would walk towards the slim silhouette clad in purple and yellow highlighted stripes. 

Jester's bells would make a slight jingle as he’d tilt his head in a graceful manner… a smile shifting across his ‘masked’ face “good, many enjoyed it.. may even say they were enchanted” ~ Jester placed a gloved hand on his chin tapping his clawed hand in a slow rhythmic manner. “You seem a lot more stressed Bil”..  his voice would slide into a more concerned tone.. It was hard for him to show any sort of emotion other than Jester's old charming self, but he was able to read even the smallest of changes within his mannerisms. He'd shoot a small look at Jester, stuffing his checklist into his pocket within his coat before attempting to walk past him. 

As he attempted to go past he was stopped suddenly by Jester’s arm, “quite as stubborn as ever” Bil would let out an irritated sigh. “What do you want me to do.. Jes-” his words stopped rolling off his tongue as he spotted a small slightly charred polaroid, the pungent smell of mixed fears, smoke, and death seared his sensitive nose, making his gut rile with bile. Jester would put a gentle yet firm grip on his shoulder, his purple eyes fixated on Bil. “I found this while unpacking the rest of the boxes.. Bil.” Jester would pause, unhanding him  before sliding behind him, whispering into his ear “you should really try and take more pictures again…. happier memories, make one’s tension melt away”. He’d hand Bil the burnt picture, before turning to leave towards his tent “do try and turn that frown upside down at some point dear… It doesn't look good on you, and can often scare off the guests”~ 

Bil’s hands shook before he’d snap back into a calmer manner.. he had to be calm.. he had to be in control…. he couldn’t let anyone see him in a weaker manner then he already seemed in comparison with the others.. “Thank you Jester”. His voice came out in a croak. But no one saw, no one knew. No one will ever know.

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Bil would shake his whole body tingled, his heart would beat in annoying rhythms he had only heard in the bodies of those who he was hunting.. his prey… he wasn't prey.. so “why is my body.. betraying me”.. his voice would come out as a croak yet again. So annoying… he was, how annoying his thoughts were, how annoying his body was, to mold him this way, his claws weren't his own, his face??... so stupid, he was so naive to think he was worth anything more than the dirt and shadows he had been made from…. so weak, so small, so fragile “FRAGILE”! , so useless “USELESS”!, so…. worthless. Bil would begin to pace around, his mind racing with all of the thoughts he had tried to bury.  “STUPID!”. He hated himself. “WORTHLESS!”. He wasn't strong enough to protect anyone. He couldn’t. He hadn’t. “ Hₑₗₚ ₘₑ ᥇꠸ꪶꫝꫀꪻꫀ꠸᥅ꪮ” . 

“N̴̬͕͊̀̀̏͋̅p̶̮̤̠̥͊͌͆͆͋̌̓́̅̅p̷̬̦̞̣̙̠̞̫̩̪͊́o̷̝̾̍͜m̶̢͎̄̄f̶̧̡̟̯͈͕̮̆̌̃͆̈́̾̄t̵͓͕̆̏̂͛̕̕t̸̡̫̞͙͊͂͜ ̸̧̡̩̣̺̘̜̬͚̏̇̃̾̀̆̽͘ͅO̴̦̟͉̿̃́́̒͘̕͝j̶̜̹̙̤̝̀̏͝͝h̵͈͕̔̌͑̽̈́͊͆͝ȉ̴̡̥͖͈̫͖̹̗̈̃u̶̺̬̔̊̂̐́͆̚͝” Pain would shoot down his hand, snapping him back to his senses, he had cracked one of his mirrors. “Fuck”. His eyes would flick towards the polaroid that lay on the floor amongst the shattered glass, bending down he’d pick it up, wiping some of the shards off from the tattered image. He'd walk into one of the mirrors, the world becoming dimmer, warping in a flurry of imagery… 

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{A snapshot-past}

Sadness.. Anger.. Grief.. GUILT. The wracking feeling of the inability to not be able to save one of your loved ones.. Seeing them being taken from you right in front of your very eyes. You couldn't have done anything… it wasn’t your fault. Or was it?. It keeps on spinning around and around.  

You could have.

You couldn't have. 

What if I could have. 

Well you didn't. 

You.

Weren't.

Able.

to save her.

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You began from a desolate place.. The world was crueler then it was worth… The humans.. Or rather foreign creatures stared at your bodies in fear, disgust, some wonder, others lust. Yet you still could not find a place to call your own. You kept wandering from the place where you came, to distant lands, unnatural places, dirty places, cold places. Places that did not want you. 

That was how it went, wandering, barely getting by. Feeding off of scraps. Or well that was until you found them, the other one that was quite alike you, the claws, the fangs, the mystery that was your existence. You both looked at each other with recognition. “𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔪𝔢.”? Your voices intertwined together in a steady tune. You shared the same beginning, The same existence. "yₒᵤ cₐₘₑ fᵣₒₘ ₜₕₐₜ ₚₗₐcₑ ₜₒₒ". You both blinked in surprise, examining one another, bodies circling allured by one another, ‘another alike me?’ your eyes pinned with curiosity  “Another.. One of me”?.. Your voice shook slightly, what was this jumble of feelings deep within you.. Warmth?.. You tilted your head, placing a limb out towards the other being, they were different from me but familiar… comforting… The taller one reached out a limb towards you eyes beaming with burning curiosity “You are the same.. As me”? The creature's voice came out in a small tune, making your body shift slightly. 

You shook your head, the other seemed to wince a little, but grinned at your resistance “reliable one..” the other's tongue clicked before taking a step back, their stature shifted from slightly menacing to a more calm nature, perhaps your curiosity was getting the best of you in this situation..he’d eye the other carefully before relaxing as well trying to find any path of communication you continued on with the pursuit that your body yearned for. 

Kin.

Others that are like you. 

Family..?

You found your family. Others like you. Kin. But at what cost.. You weren't strong enough to stop the suffering they endured. The suffering she endured. 

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The frozen wind howled into the tent, shivering slightly you tried to move slightly more towards the others, cold bellows of breath escaping your mouth, stomach growling painfully,your eyes looked towards the shivering bundle of scales, sick in your throat”Į̴̜̟̅́̎͐̈͊̕͠b̵͈͙͑͌̌ͅs̷̳̠̊͋̋̏m̶̟̳̪̞̼͓̭͚̱̋͌ͅf̷̛̫̦̯̳̾̈́͑͌̍̌͑͠r̴͚̮̠͔̗͑̈́̔̐v̸̹̪̖̖͔̖͑̿̂͜͠j̷̡̬͎̱̜̏o̵̡̗̚??” you managed to croak out, your voice hurt to speak, it was tiring to do so, the energy was seemingly being sapped out of you even by breathing. The shivering mass shifted slightly looking up at you with its green eyes, worried, anger, hatred, “C̴̯̤̠̤͋̈́̌̅̆̎̀̓ĵ̸̡̡̡͖̺͉̹̥͉̉͒͊́͛̃͛m̵̢̨̬̩̌͒̎͛̕̚i̵̧̢̡̹̣̫͖̔͆f̵̹̮̼̯̘͎̙͓͓̅͆̂̅͘ǘ̶͖̒͛͜f̸͔͉̫̞͚̍̌̽̾́̀̎j̵̨͕͇͍͙͍̱̬̀̐͋͛͊̌s̶̖͎̞̉̌͊̑͑̑̚p̷̛͈̱̻̈̊̒̈̒̀͝͝, Im cold.. I'm hungry"... the bundle sounded weak, tired, angry. You would shift towards him, hoping to provide what little warmth you could provide to the others, you would gather them together,Ę̸̦̝̟̖̜̤̞̊̉͂̒̊̃͗̕p̵̲͕̖̣̣̲͍̠͇̏̔d̴͙͎̜̣͈̬̖̑̆̿͐͗͗̔͆̽͠u̵͔̣͕̽͜p̸̡̠̗͖͉͓͔̰̱̈̃̾š̶̢͙͚̠͓̘͇̓̓̅̎̅̏   The big one would curl around you as well, his slight warmth allowing you to doze off to sleep.  

“Someone calls this a camera..”~ The Purple one smiled tapping the weird looking mechanism with half interest, the being would look at you smiling “Why don't you have it C̴̯̤̠̤͋̈́̌̅̆̎̀̓ĵ̸̡̡̡͖̺͉̹̥͉̉͒͊́͛̃͛m̵̢̨̬̩̌͒̎͛̕̚i̵̧̢̡̹̣̫͖̔͆f̵̹̮̼̯̘͎̙͓͓̅͆̂̅͘ǘ̶͖̒͛͜f̸͔͉̫̞͚̍̌̽̾́̀̎j̵̨͕͇͍͙͍̱̬̀̐͋͛͊̌s̶̖͎̞̉̌͊̑͑̑̚p̷̛͈̱̻̈̊̒̈̒̀͝͝ I feel like it would bring you quite a lot of joy” Your eyes would scan the weird object with peaked enthusiasm, carefully placing a hand around it, a bright flash went off, before a small mechanism spat out a black image, you would tilt your head, dumbfounded, The purple one chuckled “you shake the thing, the moment should be captured.. Or rather your hand”. He gleamed with amusement at your stupidity. “Ah right…” you would cough slightly embarrassed and annoyed, doing as the other said you began to shake it, and slowly but surely you began to see your blurred hand within the paper, you tried to hide your excitement but the other seemed to see right through your poker face, instead of saying something about it he began to gather the others together,Ę̸̦̝̟̖̜̤̞̊̉͂̒̊̃͗̕p̵̲͕̖̣̣̲͍̠͇̏̔d̴͙͎̜̣͈̬̖̑̆̿͐͗͗̔͆̽͠u̵͔̣͕̽͜p̸̡̠̗͖͉͓͔̰̱̈̃̾š̶̢͙͚̠͓̘͇̓̓̅̎̅̏   The tallest one,Į̴̜̟̅́̎͐̈͊̕͠b̵͈͙͑͌̌ͅs̷̳̠̊͋̋̏m̶̟̳̪̞̼͓̭͚̱̋͌ͅf̷̛̫̦̯̳̾̈́͑͌̍̌͑͠r̴͚̮̠͔̗͑̈́̔̐v̸̹̪̖̖͔̖͑̿̂͜͠j̷̡̬͎̱̜̏o̵̡̗̚? The token shy one,Q̶̫̞̦͖̗̎̚ͅj̵̧̰̮̪͇̺̤̤̪̀̾̔ͅf̴̧̤̋̃s̷͔͎̘̺̩̤̫̝̪͛͌͂̓̋͑͆͌̄̐ͅs̴̘͚͍̼̋̀͊̌̔̀͒̊p̴̛͖̝̘̀͊̿̆͒̚ǘ̷̧̧̥͓̩̣̮̺̗̖̒̓͝ , The confident yet kind one, and  D̴̪͐͛͊͝͠͠p̴̨̛̯̲̤̘̖̄̏͊̈́͜m̸̹̀̊̌͂̎͐̓́̕͘v̸̢̖̝̭̬̪̥̌̏̕n̶̙͉̱̒͜c̵̫̗̹̉̅̈̽͗̄̆̚j̵̧̯͔̮̬͉̋̆̌̎̆̌̈͘ơ̴̬̟͉̱̜̤̯̗̪̈́̈́̒͜b̷̬̗͈̹͠, The weakest one, the prettiest one. They were your found family, you grabbed the camera mechanism, grouped in together with the others,and snapped the button.

“C̴̯̤̠̤͋̈́̌̅̆̎̀̓ĵ̸̡̡̡͖̺͉̹̥͉̉͒͊́͛̃͛m̵̢̨̬̩̌͒̎͛̕̚i̵̧̢̡̹̣̫͖̔͆f̵̹̮̼̯̘͎̙͓͓̅͆̂̅͘ǘ̶͖̒͛͜f̸͔͉̫̞͚̍̌̽̾́̀̎j̵̨͕͇͍͙͍̱̬̀̐͋͛͊̌s̶̖͎̞̉̌͊̑͑̑̚p̷̛͈̱̻̈̊̒̈̒̀͝͝,!BIL”! A familiar voice would send chills down your spine, before you could fully wake up, a sharp pain shot down your spine, cold air on your skin, crowds would cheer your eyes open, so many humans… I need to do well.. They need to survive. ‘It hurts.. I hate this…” you would think, another pain shot down your spine as the crackle of a whip sounded off, the humans began to boo, some cheered at the cruelty, throwing rotten food at you, you licked the slime off your face, it was something…. energy. You began to move your stiff body, trying to remember the same routine you did every day.. Your mind was groggy… You messed up… they began to throw harsher things at you, stones, beer bottles… 

You kept on trying.

You kept on messing up. 

You tried.

You failed them.

You sat in your jail cell, the cold biting into your skin, your stomach growling,’so hungry… I'm so tired… so worthless… I am.. I should be able to protect you all.’you clenched your fists.You were now separated from the others, unable to provide them any comfort,you looked at the images you had taken before things had gotten bad… before the humans had betrayed them. He grinded his teeth then stopped, he was so tired. He picked the first image he ever took of them together and hid it carefully. The RINGMASTER had taken his camera, but he managed to hide the polaroids he had taken, the only happiness he had left of them all. Your eyes began to look over at the others, they all were emaciated.. Hungry.. Angry… wounded… betrayed.you couldn't do anything for now except try and survive. Sleep began to bite at your mind. You gave in.

They were planning on moving her to those… those… your tongue got stuck in your throat, anger boiling, you looked at the red one, he was beyond the point of reasoning, he shielded her from the grotesque beings, pure hatred breaking off of him, letting out body shaking rumbles, insults to the humans. They looked at Q̶̫̞̦͖̗̎̚ͅj̵̧̰̮̪͇̺̤̤̪̀̾̔ͅf̴̧̤̋̃s̷͔͎̘̺̩̤̫̝̪͛͌͂̓̋͑͆͌̄̐ͅs̴̘͚͍̼̋̀͊̌̔̀͒̊p̴̛͖̝̘̀͊̿̆͒̚ǘ̷̧̧̥͓̩̣̮̺̗̖̒̓͝  In fear, taking a step back “we need to get rid of that one.” they murmured. You felt sick. You couldn't do anything. At least he was brave enough to try.

You. 

You were nothing but a vile coward, one who hides behind others with strength. 

You could have done something.

Now he was nearly dead. Heck you were all closer to death. And she.. She was going to be taken. Taken by them. A whimper escaped the small one “please I don’t want to be taken.. I don't want this.. I don't want to go. I dont… Is P- okay”... she was scared. We all were.. No, we were hungry.. “I’ll save you”. The green timid one piped up, his voice full of gluttony. 

No hunger. 

No, he wanted to survive. 

We all did. 

He did what he could to survive. 

He did something I should have done.

 He was stronger than all of us.

The scream.

The sobbing. 

The guilt.

We were full. We were full of anger, distrust, guilt, we took on the forms of the ones we hated to try and avoid this mess from happening again. All whilst we burnt the past away in a hellblaze… yet I still kept the very image that was taken all those millennia ago. 

We took on these forms to survive.

The others all looked somewhat akin to their monstrous selves even whilst in the skins of others.. Yet here I was the one that looked most akin to our perpetrators. 

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She still haunts me. 

These polaroids… Are snapshots of what I wish we could still have… 

They are reminders of the past, the happiness, the guilt, the anger, the need to keep everything held together in a precise web.

The polaroids capture something beautiful, memories. Perhaps a happy one… a melancholy one… a guilt wrapped one… so many feelings can be trapped in there…  

Ever lasting.

 Despite the time being over… you can have people in these moments captured in time that you could never see again.

Treasure them. 

Don't make mistakes like me.

Don't blame yourself.

Bil.