He makes me feel young. Ā Never mind the silver creeping through my hair, or the fact that i am a mother of three. Ā I forget the stress, the responsibility, the weight of the world when he is around. I do not feel so run down and tired, and even though he says things that would normally spring forth anxiety and panic, i only feel a calm deep down that is hard to describe.Ā
He coaxes out my innocence. Ā I thought I lost that nervous trembling when near a certain person. Ā But there it is. Ā I am in high school again, and I cant stop thinking about that boy who sits two rows over in Spanish class. Ā Iām a girl with a crush that doesnāt know how to stop herself from tumbling down the rabbit hole that is puppy love and sweet feelings. Ā This is a part of myself I thought lost. Ā Somehow he found where it was hiding while I had already held a funeral for its loss.
He believes in me. Ā He believes in me more than I can believe in myself. Ā He nudges me forward, refusing to let me take another step back. Ā āVocalize what you want. Ā Find your voice. Be you, and donāt look back.ā He seems to carve these messages into my heart. Ā My mind objects, but he brushes away the negative thoughts as though they were a stray hair that had found its way onto my cheek. Ā He urges me forward with encouraging words and stern advice. Ā It is as though he knows me more than I know myself; as though he can see past my exterior, beyond the walls and doors, through the seemingly endless halls of instability and confusion. Ā He has left footsteps for me to follow and find a potential I have lost inside a labyrinth of doubts, fears, and lies.
He wants to show me my worth. It is quite clear that he does not view me the way I view myself. Ā I am filled with negativity and self-loathing. Ā I feel I can do no good, that I have few redeeming qualities, and I honestly wonder, āwhat is the point of it all?ā But this man, this sweet, beautiful soul, speaks through the dense fog that clouds my head and leaves gems of advice in places that reflect the light. Ā He guides me out of the darkness, and he does it as though it is the most natural act that needs no gratitude. Ā But gracious I am, and I wish I could brighten his life with the same radiance. His words, his touch, his actions, and his whole existence has left a mark so incredibly wonderful that I already know that I will forever treasure even knowing this man at all.
And then thereās the hunger. Ā Oh, my lord, there is the hunger. Ā There is something inside of him that, on occasion, I have brushed with my fingertips. I have experienced a strange feeling of bliss as his passion overwhelmed me. With my heart racing and knees buckling beneath me, I felt a stirring of my own as the passion disappeared the moment I reached out to grasp it. I wanted more. I continue to want more, and I feel the need to see further the fierceness I sense below the surface. Ā I want to taste it, taste him. Ā The intensity of how Iād love to experience everything about him has me spinning, but I never wish to get off this tilt-a-whirl of feelings and desire. Ā I cannot say how long this euphoric experience will last, but my life will have been most definitely bettered for it. Ā I only hope that one day he can realize how truly wonderful and amazing he is.
