and then i get war flashbacks of those scenes in xavier's myth so now i'm just:

Your Fault Chapter 37 Those Scenes

AO3

She sips an extra cup of coffee. It irritates her already sick stomach but is needed today. Today where they begin to film those episodes. No wonder her tummy is upset.

“It will be a challenge. I like challenges.” Sam walks up and slips his arms around her. She leans back into him.

“It will be hell but I appreciate you trying.”

He kisses her back where the lose robe exposes her skin. “Yes it will. Toby and I have decided it will be easier to stay in character.” She shivers. No levity between takes. Shit!

“We knew but, now that it is  here..”

“I know.” They hold each other as long as possible. Finally, they need to head to the set. That dark place, physically and metaphorically, that represents Wentworth Prison.

Her wame rolls when she steps on the closed set. The bars might be fake, but it is a prison all the same. Her, Sam, and Tobias' scenes will be tough enough but Sam and Tobias'! She feels like vomiting at the thought.

Sam, no Jamie, she must keep it separate for her own sanity, Jamie lays on the floor, chained down. She longs to go to him but the scene hadn’t started. He is where he needs to be. She needs to get there also. Jerking her eyes from him, she closes hers and focuses on becoming Claire. By the time the scene starts, she is ready.

Fallen beside him, struggling with the chains that have him bound.

“Go Claire.” His eyes hopeless, already resigned. 

The entrance of Black Jack and his goon. That evil laugh.

Threats of rape. A furious fighting Jamie, hindered by the chains.

“You can have me, just let her go!” The evil, lustful gleam in Randall’s eyes. Prove of commitment. A nail through Jamie’s hand.

No, not real, but felt so. All on this black set felt real. Caitriona’s tears are as she says goodbye to Sam, no Jamie.

“Excellent everyone.” The director solemnly says after Caitriona and Tobias’ scene in the hall. Caitriona had delivered her lines with real anger. She has to forget she is acting with her friend Toby. Easy enough to do knowing what she is leaving her husband to face.  

She can’t be on set for their scenes. Both the director and Sam had forbidden it.

“I won’t be able to go where I need to with you there.”

It makes sense but leaving him to face the darkness alone, it was very difficult to do.  As they set up for the next scene, she holds him tight.

“I love you, so much. Come back to me.”

“I will. Just have to go away for awhile. I love you. So very much.” He kisses her hard.

When she heads back to the costume area to change, she has to stop and be sick.  She enters the trailer pale and sweaty. Terri is there, knowing how difficult today was. She quickly sits her down.

“Are you alright Caitriona?”

“Was sick on the way here. To leave Sam to face that.”

“Couldn’t have been easy.” She sympathies as her and her assistant remove her Claire clothes. “Why didn’t you tell me that Caitriona’s clothes were getting tighter?” she directs to her assistant.

“I didn’t notice.” She sighs.

“In the bodice. Claire have you gained some newlywed weight?”