#thomgic

Logan couldn’t understand what was so special about Nico. A nerd who wore glasses? That didn’t make him unique. Logan was a nerd who wore glasses. So what? Why did Thomas listen to him? Why did Thomas drop everything and run to him? Though he stood mostly surrounded by the others as they watched over Thomas, Logan felt alone. The feeling in his chest was like a gaping dark hole composed of feelings he wasn’t taking the time to identify and making it hard to breathe. He couldn’t remember having felt so vacant before. It hurt in ways he’d never experienced. Thomas was enjoying himself with Nico. It was nice standing there and admiring art with him after so much worrying and anxiety over what the status of their relationship was. The fresh air felt nice, filling his lungs and clearing his mind. He needed this. Everything else could wait. He could feel Roman absolutely gushing over this moment and it just seemed perfect. Though as he listened to Nico eagerly infodump and read off information about the artworks before them, he felt a strange nagging sensation. It was so familiar. He glanced at Nico and back at the art and his smile faded into a sort of troubled expression. Suddenly, it felt weird when someone other than Logan was eagerly spilling loads of info about a subject. That was new. What on earth-? “Thomas? Are you okay?” “Hm?” Thomas snapped out of his own thoughts for the moment and looked at Nico. He put his smile back in place. “Yeah, sorry. Just got distracted for a second. It’s been… a weird day. Uh! Up til now, I mean!” But as Nico continued on and Thomas followed, his heart wasn’t in it. He’d been really horrible to Logan, hadn’t he? Logan had been so patient and helpful… and he just ran off. God, what Logan must think of him. “What? No! No no no no no! This is all wrong,” Roman wailed, immediately distressed. “He’s not happy anymore! He’s not… he’s not blossoming and shining! It’s like a storm cloud just moved in over the picnic, blocking out the sunlight. And out of nowhere!” He rounded on Virgil. “What did you do?!” Virgil, looking panicked immediately, defended himself. “Me? Nothing! The fuck? I was just as eager about this as you! I’m not in charge of his sadness or whatever! Maybe,” he spat, gesturing at Patton, “you should ask The Great Protector whether he even had permission to change his mood!” Patton looked wounded by that remark. “No! I… I mean yes! Of course Thomas can change his—! I—! I didn’t do this. And… and he doesn’t need my permission to change feelings or—!” 

“Oh yes, everything is going marvelously. Don’t worry. Thomas is fine. It’s fleeting,” Janus offered from his position in the tree. “He’s definitely not mentally checking out of the date and things will continue swimmingly, I assure you.” He shifted his eyes from the group and gave Logan a look that the logical Side couldn’t quite comprehend. The date did, in fact, carry on some moments longer, but not as swimmingly as Janus put it. Thomas was rather distant and melancholy. Not on purpose, of course, but Nico took notice and it’s not very fun being on a date with someone who isn’t present. “Hey, Thomas. Why don’t you head back home, okay? I’m sorry. It’s not on you. You just look really bothered by something. We can pick up on another day, when you’re feeling better,” Nico offered. 

Thomas gave a sad, silent nod in agreement. That maybe was for the best, because his heart was definitely somewhere else at the moment, even if he didn’t quite know where. He sighed as he and Nico returned to their parked cars and they parted ways. 

Nico called out, “Text me if you need anything!” And he drove off with a friendly wave. 

Returning the wave with a sad smile, Thomas sighed yet again and sat in his car for a moment, feeling his heart slowly sink into his stomach like it was made of concrete. Eventually, he did get the frame of mind and focus to drive home. 

Home felt all wrong at the very moment Thomas returned over the threshold. He felt such a pit in his stomach that he was nearly sick. His heart felt so weighed down and sluggish that it was a miracle he didn’t just curl into a ball on the kitchen floor. He poured himself a generous glass of wine and picked up where he left off, cleaning the kitchen. He chipped away at the mountain of dishes between pensive sips of merlot. 

“Well, we’re a little behind schedule, but— when I say ‘little’, please note that in this instance it’s a purposely reductive exaggeration.” Logan adjusted his glasses as he reviewed his notebook. “Anyhow, we should still be able to complete the kitchen and living room tasks this evening. We may have to move laundry to tomorrow as we can’t have you skipping dinner. Then we—“ He looked up from his notebook. “Oh. Thomas… you’re crying.”

Thomas wiped his eyes and sniffed. He cleared his throat before answering. “Maybe a little.” 

“Are you making a purposeful reductive exaggeration?”

“…”

Logan nodded. “Fair enough. Would you like me to retrieve Patton? Or perhaps Roma—“

“No! God, no, Logan. Please. I can handle a few tears. Wouldn’t be the first time. I can’t deal with how disappointed in me Roman must be right now.” 

“I understand. I’d love to reassure you, but I do not know what anyone is feeling at any moment, let alone anything Roman may feel at this moment.” Logan materialized a handkerchief from the pocket of his jeans and handed it to Thomas, who gratefully used it to wipe his eyes and nose. 

“I can’t expect you to, Logan. It’s not your job.”

“Hmm. Well, I do believe now would be a good time for a brief recess. We can sit on the couch while you gather yourself a bit.”

Thomas didn’t want to argue as he didn’t feel like doing dishes anyway. He picked up his wine glass and shuffled into the living room, making himself comfortable on the leather sofa and watching as Logan sat at the opposite end. 

Logan cleared his throat softly. “Would it be alright if I asked you what has caused you to cry? I was under the impression things with Nico were going well and even after things went less than optimally today, it seems he wants to see you again.”

Thomas felt his heart twist and he hesitated for a good while before correcting Logan. “It’s not Nico…”

“It… it isn’t? Then wh—“ 

“It’s you. Or rather… it’s me. I’m sorry, Logan. I… really let you down today and I… god, I feel awful about it.”

Logan blinked, surprised and doing his best to process this unexpected information, but he listened attentively and didn’t interrupt. 

“You don’t ask for much. Truly, you don’t. You just want to be listened to. And for good reason. And I… I was so quick to leave you behind. To ignore you and… choose my heart. I… geez, I haven’t even known Nico very long and I’m neglecting important work… neglecting taking care of myself and my things and my surroundings… just for even a crumb of his attention.” Thomas gestures to the messy apartment at large. “Because I have this… need to be loved. In ways that… family and friends just… can’t fill alone. I know you don’t understand, but I want to fall in love again. It’s been a while and I’m ready. I want to dance… to be held… to open my heart. And I was hoping Nico could come with all of that.”

Logan took in all of Thomas’ words carefully and turned each one over in his brain until he was sure he understood it all. “I want to start by saying I forgive you. I know I’m not the only one with a job to do. And you’ve always been such a whimsical romantic that I’m not surprised. But I understand, perhaps more than you suspect, the desire to be loved. We, your Sides, Thomas, have just as complex of emotions as you. And we experience them in different ways and at different intensity levels from each other.”

“Mhmm. Well, you did used to smile a lot more. I wish you still did.”

Logan looked down, as if ashamed. “Yes, well. I have less reason to smile these days.”

Thomas felt his heart break for the logical side. “I’d do anything to get you to smile the way you used to.”

Deep inside of Logan’s chest he felt the flutter of a neglected heart. “If I come up with anything, I’ll let you know immediately.”

Thomas nodded and inhaled deeply. “Can I kiss you?”

Error 404: Logan not found. Sanders_Side_Logic.exe has stopped running. “What?”

“Sorry, sorry. May I kiss you?”

“You… want—?”

“…to kiss you. Yes, Logan.”

What does he say to that? He’d be an idiot to decline. But then what happens after? And what about Nico? Oh no, Thomas is looking at him expectantly with those soft, brown eyes and perfect pink lips. He needs to answer. “You… you may. Yes. Please, in fact.”

Thomas moved closer, sitting closer to Logan instead of three feet away on the opposite end of the sofa. He leaned in slowly, but instead of feeling lips against his own, he felt a firm hand on his chest stopping him. He gave Logan a puzzled look. 

“I’m sorry. You still have my consent. It’s just… I have to ask. What about Nico?” 

Sighing softly, Thomas backed up just a little. “Well… what about him? He’s not my boyfriend. I met him in a mall and we went on one… well, one-half… date. I— he reminds me so much of you, Logan. As I was listening to him talk at the art installation… it just made me think of you. And that’s when I realized I’d made a huge mistake. I felt so immediately awful for the way I left things. And… it made me realize that I was chasing something- someone- I already had.”

Logan took a deep breath and played Thomas’ words through his head again carefully. “I believe that you’re implying you have romantic feelings towards me. How could you have been sure that I would return your feelings?”

“I wasn’t. I mean… I hoped, but I wasn’t sure. I took a big risk asking if I could kiss you. But since you said yes, I… assume you… do…?”

Nodding, Logan assured him, “Yes. I very much do. What would you have done if I didn’t?”

“Well, I don’t like to think about that, but I would have given you your space. And after a little time to recover, stuck with the next best thing.”

“And I assume Nico…?”

“Nico would be the next best thing, yes. I like dorky guys who wear glasses and speak at length about things they know a lot about.”

The softest trace of a smile crossed Logan’s lips. “Dorky is rather debatable.”

Thomas laughed softly. “Sure. Let’s debate it another time. I would still like to kiss you.”

It was Logan’s turn to move in closer, his knee bumping Thomas’ thigh as he sat at an angle to face Thomas.

There was no way to know who reached for the other first, but they seemed to fit in place like a two-piece puzzle or a pair of Lego bricks. Logan’s left hand gently cupped Thomas’ cheek as his right hand settled on Thomas’ waist. Thomas lightly combed his fingers through Logan’s hair until his left hand came to rest on the back of Logan’s head, his right hand laying against Logan’s chest. 

They moved in together as if this was a well-rehearsed dance and not a gay couple’s first kiss. Only when their lips finally collided did Thomas realize he’d been holding his breath as it caused him to inhale softly. It was warm, soft, and sincere, making it perfect in every way, and even better than Thomas had ever pictured. The feeling of Logan’s uptempo heartbeat under his hand was the only thing reassuring him this was real and not just another dream or fantasy. 

Logan’s mind quietened and he melted into a world where there were no schedules, no Sides, no Nico, and no expectations… only himself and Thomas. And love. Oh, what an abundance of love. 

As they parted ways, Logan felt a bright expression on his own face that hadn’t been at home there in quite a while.