#this note

Rae,

I don’t know what else I can say about you. You didn’t just come in and take me by surprise. You crashed through like an avalanche and knocked me off my feet. I had no choice but to fall for you. And we both know how much I tried. So thank you. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for being persistent. Thank you for recognizing what this was and how special it was when I was trying not to. I didn’t think I was ready for any of this, and I’m still not sure I am. But what I am sure of is how abnormal it is for me to click with someone the way we clicked. It’s not just rare, it’s unheard of for me. What else I’m sure of is I never imagined feeling so special to someone. So loved, completely, entirely. I hope I make you feel that too. That you wake up each and every day knowing how much you mean to me and how loved you are. Because you are, incredibly, incredibly loved.

Usually I think lingerie would be a selfish gift, but I think in this case it’s exactly the type of cliche gift you’d want from me. And… selfishly, I also look forward to seeing it on. But to even that out, I got you a pair of hiking boots of your own. Hikes are always something I enjoyed on my own, never much interest in bringing other people most of the time. I have really loved having your out of shape ass as my hiking buddy. I intend on bringing you on many, many more. The telescope, well, once I told you if I liked you more I’d buy you one. I think I loved you then. And lastly, this picture is of Headlands Dark Sky Park where there’s just about no light pollution and you can see every damn star in the sky. I’d love to experience that with you. We’ll pick a weekend and book it.

I never read much poetry before I met you. It makes a lot more sense to me now.

I love you.

Happy Birthday to the kindest man I know and my favorite silver fox. Gosh, it seems cheesy to say, but I don’t think I can picture not having you in my life. And selfishly, I don’t want to imagine what that would look like either. For as long as I’ve known you, you have been my rock, someone I could turn to with the smallest of problems to my biggest concerns and you’ve always met me with understanding, love, and no judgment – well, maybe a little but only when warranted. And you are that way with every person you know. You give your whole heart to people – from your clients, to the boys you work with, to our parents, to me – without expecting anything in return.  You’re selfless and find a way to take care of everyone, even if it means putting your own needs on the back burner.

But it’s your birthday – the one day a year you’ll begrudgingly let other people spoil you, so let me do that. Breakfast in bed, cake made by the boys and then some champagne body scrub for a nice (hot) long shower. The letters are to be opened later – for someone who’s almost always got their shit together, maybe you won’t need them, but I went around and asked some folks to write you some advice for navigating your thirties: your parents, my parents, Bee, Kate, your favorite law school professor and college advisor. There’s a few others, people you know and have cared for over the years that could give you advice tailored to what you might need to hear. Open one whenever you feel a little lost or just need something to make you smile. I know you’ve made all of our cheeks hurt from grinning, so maybe this’ll help return the favor.

Wishing you a great year ahead full of blessings, laughter and joy.

All my love,

Rae,  After our conversation the other day I realized something, we’re not just fuck buddies or casual friends, we’re actual friends, like real ones, and as your real friend you get Valentine’s Day privileges. I don’t have serious conversations with people much, and I feel like it’s the same for you, so I just want to make sure you know that everything you feel is valid. Everything you said the other day, I’m glad you told me and I hope you know you can talk to me about that kind of stuff. I know I’m not much older than you, but a few years back I was in the same place you are now. A lot of people judged me, because my old friends were graduating from college while I was still working at the same pizza place I’ve been at since I was seventeen. I was the screw up, not doing anything with my life, no one trusted me or believed in me, and a lot of times I thought those things too. I don’t want you to ever feel that way. I know how bad it hurts, everything your sister thinks..she’s not right. She’ll never say it and probably never change that opinion, but she couldn’t be more wrong about you. A lot of people are wrong about you. Be proud of who you are and don’t change for anyone, because you’re special and you shouldn’t be defined or judged because of the things that make you happy. Keep living young, wild and free, homie.  Happy Here’s a New Pipe Day,  Mitch

Dani,

When you brew your own beers you get to give them whatever shitty, long name you want. So I introduce to you the first batch of Blue Balls Behind A Bar, an ode to the simpler times between the two of us and because Love Behind a Bar sounded too much like a rom com. I hope you like it, and if not I hope you lie to me and just drink enough that you can’t taste it anymore.

Getting hired by you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not because I met you, not because seeing you every day even before you were mine made me more happy than I’d ever been, not because I didn’t know my heart was capable of feeling like this, not because I thought it was bull shit that anyone could truly be in love with their best friend until you came into my life. Nah, just cause you let me slack off, come in late, leave early, and don’t fire me for staring at your ass.

You’re a lazy piece of shit and so am I, but somehow you still inspire me. I love you, for that and for an endless amount of other reasons.

oh lord