#thinking back

https://www.deviantart.com/redjoey1992

My earliest designs are not that great. Indo have potential, but then in 2015, after graduating Community College, I just stopped, then on August 2021, I have been drawing again. But enough about the past. Here are some of the projects that I have in the works right now.

(Artwork by @dommnics)

Ebonivor is a light-spectrum based superhero and she can control and manipulate light energy to various colors and effects and create constructs to various degrees.

Here are some pics that I drew her

The other one is a Wish AU rewrite that's been in development recently.

I have said before how surreal it is to be old when you never expected to live past the age of 30, not because of disease, but because of the great chance that you would probably have offed yourself before then.

I never planned for much of a future. I never thought of retiring or where I wanted to live with any real certainty.

I only have one real regret, other than not spending more time with people who passed.

When I was in my late twenties, I was at a show for this band called The Derailers. They were a cross between western swing and rockemabilly.

My friend Laura and I had gone to so many of their shows, the band would see us in the audience and come and say, hello, rather than vice versa. It made us feel like royalty.

At one of these shows a dj whom I had been crushing on for quite a while, who was an incredible swing dancer, asked me to dance.

I have no idea how to dance and have always been self conscious even though back then I was a stunning size 5 and in the best shape of my life.

Still, I was so self conscious that I said no.

Now i'm old and fat, i am physically and mentally broken down from years of unending anxiety. I can barely get around on my own, and I would give anything in the world to go back to that night and say, yes.

Whenever you're thinking about doing, do it while you're young. Take that plunge and don't look back.

Took everything off the walls, packed everything.

Now I'm on the bed, looking at the empty walls,

And the only way I can pretend that nothing has changed

Is by looking out the window.

Out the window, away from the place I've called home for so long,

Pretending that my walls aren't empty,

That everything that made this place mine isn't packed out in boxes.

I know that I'll also make the new place mine,

But for now, I'm looking out the window,

i mean like lecturing us about skin cancer if we didn't put on sunblock before going out solely bc of the holes in the ozone layer

the hole itself was discovered in 1985 and i was in elementary in the early/mid 90s

Dont you ever miss me at all?

If you do, why dont you call?

Why don't you ever come talk?

Why don't you ever just come to my door and knock?

Do you think I wouldn't open?

Even though we had something thats now broken,

I would still hear you out,

Though I might end up getting angry and shout.

Bear with it still, bear with it anyway,

Because thats not how i really feel, its just for display.

Its all pretense,

Just an intense mechanism of defence.

I thought you knew that well,

How I keep things inside but still manage to yell.

I had wished you weren't thinking of me in a bad light,

But how could you, when we're both so full of spite.

Maybe thats our undoing,

The reason why the hate kept brewing,

Why the distance only ever grew to be far,

Though I hope we can overcome it one day but we are who we are.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Because I was legitimately confused as to how that wasnt just the go to answer. Like we spent 30 minutes talking about this and I spent that entire time wondering why tf you wouldn't just **not** do it.