Use That Anger For Self-Discovery
Ever get angry? If so, maybe it’s because there’s a threshold that tells us, “less than this is just a nuisance and beyond this means it’s time for war.” It’s likely more complicated though. Perhaps there are multiple thresholds and each shift around based on our emotional and physical states, new experiences and current expectations. Either way, I do get angry. For me, it’s when I do something stupid or, even worse, thoughtless. It’s when I forget my main priorities and miss key deadlines. It’s when my dumb, misguided or rude actions cause another person trouble or inconvenience. And it’s also when I’m hit, over and over, by “Bad Luck.”
Yea, me and Bad Luck have been well acquainted over the years. Sometimes it’s an atomic bomb that obliterates the surface, sky and oceans of my world. Other times it hits me like hail made of quarters while I’m enjoying a picnic. But, more often, it’s more mild. Like getting sucker punched while working at your desk. I know. It’s not all the same. It affects life in vastly different ways and, therefore, requires different strategies and coping skills to deal with each appropriately. That’s all fine. I get it. I’ve been there. I know how to pick up the pieces to rebuild. But shit! You gotta admit, that’s all good reason to get angry. Or is it?
I wondered, “is there a purpose for anger?” At first, I thought that it’s a good way to relieve tension. But no, that’s not something we should express in our homes, at school, or at work. Maybe at play though, with constructive exercise, sport or leisure. Still though. We can’t always have that safe and productive physical outlet. With all that energy and hot emotion inside, we need to learn ways of coping with those fiery emotions.
At least anger tells us, “hey, I’m not having a good time right now.” Oops, that sounds more like sadness. Maybe anger is more like, “this sucks and I hate everything.” Maybe not to that extreme in each case, but something like that. If that is the case though, what’s the point? How do I benefit from my anger? Maybe anger can serve to remind me of a mistake I made, something to avoid or something to change. For me, I do my darndess to ask myself (in that moment), “what did you learn?” I give myself time to think, allow those hot thoughts through, then repeat, “ what did you learn?” Truly, once you’ve gradually cooled off, you can start thinking clearly again. Do try to gain back your focus. Remember what’s important. Then, try once more to summarize the main problem. Perhaps now you have a more clear solution in mind now. Or, perhaps now this problem seems more manageable and less aggravating.
In this process, did you learn more about your threshold? Did other stressors make you take this too personally? Maybe you can learn not to blame and try to accept your new situation? Either way, use that energy to learn something that can help you, and maybe even a new way to manage your anger. You’ll eventually simmer down. So why not figure out what you did to accomplish that. Keep learning friends. I’m learning along with you :P
