#therese

do you ever listen to a song so breathtakingly beautiful that you feel sorry to exist on the same planet as it

it’s weird how growing up as a female is. my mind was very much shaped by Eragon, Ranger’s Apprentice, Legend of Drizzt, where you grow into a man by trials and mentors and fighting and clawing your way to honor. I think manhood is something boys have to seek and conquer, but with girls, womanhood just happens to you. There’s no proving or seeking. All your battles are with accepting what you are as a woman and with yourself and your body, because here you are just a wild kid, then BAM puberty and periods and objectification. A year ago I was crying over the fact I was female, devouring Christine of Pizan so I could be remotely ok that I was female. Wishing so hard that I was male and trying to convince myself I was trans just because then I could be a man. It’s hard because there’s this sudden separation, where you realize your childhood heroes and role models aren’t examples of what your life will look like. And a sudden terror at the idea that the boys that had been your comrades might not see you as that anymore. I don’t think growing up as a girl is harder than growing up as a guy, but it is hard. In a different way. Anyway, I’m rambling. It’s crazy how much changes in a year because now, I’m actually glad I’m female. It still hurts, and I still miss my heroes and often forget that I’m not “one of the boys” anymore. But st. Joan, Mary, and st. Therese have really walked with me and interceded for me in this. I’m growing into it a little more each day.

"Your father was seduced by the dark side." "Lord Vader" it's just Ani, it's just Ani.