#therapy tip

today i had therapy and because it’s the holidays my therapist left me with the thought of being vs doing

she listened to everything i had to say about what i want to achieve these holidays and this year and listened to all the things i’d done to take time for myself but she wanted to break it down even further

DOING is for crushing holiday goals, doing assignments, appointments and shopping, going out with friends, doing exercise, all those things that take a little more energy than usual

BEING is for things like watching tv or youtube, reading, writing, taking a nap, the things that the holidays are typically for that you could be considered lazy for doing during the term

a long time ago i accepted that low-energy, emotionally fulfilling tasks like listening to music and reading are necessary things for me and my mental health but she encouraged me to actively notice and enjoy those moments and to reflect on them

trying to be in the moment of BEING will help ease the anxiety and guilt over not DOING something and will also help holidays feel like they’re not slipping by so fast

Disclaimer: this is the tool/advice my therapist gave me. Obviously, it’s not a cure-all but it helps when you feel overwhelmed by events in everyday life. Please seek help if you need it. Getting professional help (a more unconventional kind in my case) was one of the best decisions of my young adult life. If money is an issue, planned parenthood centers often (if not always?) provide psychologists for a very affordable fee... Alright, back to my story!

So, I’ve recently started therapy (hypnotherapy to be exact) and during my very first session, my therapist gave me a very easy exercice that can be used in everyday life when dealing with tough moments, events in our lives.

When you feel ok, take a few minutes to remember one of your happiest memories. It has to be pretty vivid. Remember what happened in details (did it happen during a short period of time? is it a longer story?). Take some time to fully concentrate on it, and on how you felt at that time. 

Maybe there was some sort of energy rushing through your entire body? Maybe you could never stop smiling or laughing? Maybe you were crying happy tears? Try to remember every little detail: the room you were in, the sounds around you, the smells, the light, the moment of the day, were there some people around you?

Then focus on how you feel right now, after remembering this moment from your past. For instance, when I was doing that exercice with my therapist, I was feeling some sort of energy cycle in my upper back. It felt like a never-ending massage. It started in my middle back like two beams, climbing up my spine, going through my shoulders and then the cycle would start again. 

My therapist then asked me to describe the feeling (the energy cycle) and then other questions like: can you make the feeling more or less intense? Is it warm, cold? Is it pleasant? Can you move the feeling elsewhere in your body?

Afterwards, I “woke” up from my conversational hypnosis. My therapist explained to me that when I’m feeling like I can’t get over something, when I’m feeling overwhelmingly sad or mad, I have to think about that memory, the tiny details, the way it made me feel during the session. It has helped me since. 

Basically, it works as a Patronus but rather than using magic, you use self-hypnosis. I hope this can help you too. 

Write down the negative thoughts. Be specific. Don’t just say, “I feel shitty about myself.” Really think about what negative thought is making you feel shitty about yourself. Maybe the thought is “I’m unlovable” or “I have no friends” or “I’m no good at anything I do” or “I feel like I’m giving up my dreams if I take this job” or whatever you’re going through. 

Go through the negative thoughts one by one and try to respond objectively, fairly, and realistically. Gently correct your negative-self the way you might do for a friend in a similar spot. Write down those responses.