Adam said as he reclined on the sofa.
“You were always there from the beginning. I hated you. I… loved you too… but then I started hating you.” The alcohol had already kicked in; he never would’ve said any of this sober.
“I… don’t know what it was, but… you were so… special. I liked you a lot. You’re… beautiful… way too fucking beautiful. But it means nothing coming from me since you already know that.” He let out a bitter little laugh. “I loved keeping you to myself back in Eden, but after that shitty stunt you pulled, everything turned into ass-sucking, ball-busting hell. Worst of all… I lost you.”
He lifted his gaze and stared straight into his eyes.
“I had… dreams of you, and man, that sucked. Even in Heaven I still couldn’t get over it — me up there all alone while you were down here ruling. I kept asking myself if it was just me… or did you ever miss me? Was I depressed for nothing?” His voice cracked. “The first thing I wanted to do was kill you. Make you suffer. Make you regret you ever left me.”
His head fell back against the sofa. He sighed deeply, the sound heavy and exhausted.
“If I couldn’t love you… I decided at least I’d hate you. Because you still meant a lot to me.”
It was another one of those long nights after another pointless meeting at the embassy now it’s just them — in Lucifer’s palace .
Away from everyone both heaven and hell .
An almost empty bottle of beelzejuice between them on the table —
Lucifer was sprawled on the couch swirling his glass around - memories playing around his head of his time in Eden — with Adam, with Lilith , with Eve—-
He sighed heavily , and finally met his eyes “… I … I didn’t mean to hurt you Adam… “ even when the other was being selfish and keeping Lucifer away from everyone.
“I only wanted everyone to be on the same playing field I didn’t mean to .. to make you hate me, that was the last thing I wanted , I .. I loved being with you but being with all of you .. I loved all of you “ he doesn’t know why he’s saying all of this now .
Maybe he was drunk , maybe he felt guilty .
“I don’t hate you , and I loved you I did I loved you the same as Lilith I wanted all of us together .. I’m sorry Adam..” he moved to lay across the other haphazardly.
Reaching up to cup his face —- “ Hurting you is something I’ll always regret..” maybe that’s why he’s ok with Adam hurting him instead.