#theimpossible

Tonight I heard someone say something very interesting.  That person said “I believe there is only one person for each of us, and I’ve already had mine. There won't be another love like it for me ever again.” 

This hit me hard.  Think about it just for a moment, even though we’re told not to think about this concept.  We’re told there are plenty of fish in the sea!  But think about it, for just a second, how special it would be and how important it would be for the human race, if we really had only one person out there for us.   Either you found them and it worked out, you found them and it couldn’t work out, or you never found them at all.

What if we met the one too soon, or that one special person too late in life?  Would we view it the same way?  A regret or an acceptance.  What if, during our own journey, we never find the route taken straight to them, but we know not to spend so much time searching?

When I was 22 years old I believed I had found the one. It really was love at first sight.  When I saw him, I knew he was everything I had been waiting patiently for.  When I first met him, every single moment with himwacs like a dream. A month and a half after our first date, he was involved in a serious automobile accident.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he was seriously injured and could've easily been killed.  One of the things he told me a few nights after the accident was that as it was happening, he thought of me.  All that came to his mind was me and how it wasn't fair for him to go yet because he had finally found me, and he was terrified that this would be it for us.  I spent the next 6 years of my life after that trying to find eternal happiness with him.  But life changes, uncontrollable circumstances, even timing proved victory over our potential eternity, and we ended our relationship last spring. 

This past summer I met someone who had met their own soulmate at an even younger age.  She was his best friend, she was his first love, and she was his future.  He had found the one. On a tragic night there was an accident when they were both 22 years old, the same year I was when I met my love.  His love died in a freak accident, and to this day I know he hasn’t recovered. He still keeps pictures of her on his wall and carries her with him permanently, closest to his heart.  

“What if’s” get quite a bad reputation.  We’re told not to explore “what if’s” because they can only bring us feelings of regret and false hope.  But the “what if’s” can suggest an easier universal thinking.  An alternate way of perceiving even time and what we cannot control. 

If there is, indeed, only one person for each of us, how utterly amazing would it be to find that person.  We wouldn’t take for granted the time we had with them.  Gratitude and peacefulness would burst through the atmosphere.  The ultimate feeling of content prolonged.  Every minutes of every day would not be spent thoughtlessly and every thought of every small hindrance or negativity would fall to the waste side. If I had known, if I could trust that I had found my “one,” would I have worked harder on our relationship despite the strains.  If he was aware that she was all he would ever need, would he be able to cope with her loss today, trusting and finding comfort in the fact that he had found her and they were able to love as they did, even if for a shorter while?  Would it make it easier for him to move on, understanding that he had found the one true love, and though that time was over, he was thankful and wiser for it?

I wonder too, if I had truly found my one person, and it was over, would I stop searching so desperately for the “next one.”  Would he be able to accept he isn't ready to find his “next one” and to know that this is okay?

In contrast, after “the one,” is the “next one” enough?  For example, how can my friend find the next one without the utter despair that this new love isn’t his first?  The “next one” will always be compared and tried against a certain bar that has been previously set by her.  For me, how can I allow my next love to grow organically when I know what needs to be controlled and manipulated in order to not have the same mistakes happen again? When you feel you’ve lost such a love you’d do anything to prevent that loss from happening again.  I’m terrified of repeating my mistakes, even if they weren’t in my power to make or unmake.

Maybe we really do only have one person out there.  Maybe we don’t and there will be plenty of “next ones.” But what can’t be lost here is the impact that love has on us as human beings.  Love is so powerful, so strong, no one love can ever be the same. I don't think I’ll love someone again the way I did when I was 22.  I don’t think my friend will ever be able to replace his tragic loss.  However, I think we need to realize that this is okay.  Maybe my friend will find someone who makes him smile in a new way.  Someone who makes him feel warm and safe in a new way, different from what he received before but not any less fulfilling.  I choose to believe that I will fall deeply in love with someone again, but in a different form, as I have grown and changed and my relationships have too.  

We may not have the fiery adolescent naivety in love ever again.  What we had with our firsts was truly one of a kind that cannot be replaced.  Whether we have the “next one” in store for us or not, we have loved and we should find peace in understanding how beautiful it is that we did. 

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return."