"Sit down. Now."

BE AWARE THAT THIS SHIT HAPPENS

It's never a good idea to shoplift, but somtimes when your broke and don't have a decent wardrob it can be difficult to find decent clothing for cheap. Again, it's never a good idea- your not only stealing from the store and the people who work there, but also the federal goverment. But- sometimes desperate times come to despreate measures. So here are ways to be safe when shoplifting. 1. before you go out, dress in lose clothing. Sweatpants, sweatshirts, heavy jackets- exetetera. 2. No matter what, always purchase something at the store you shoplift at. Gum, sunglasses, and headband, anything. 3. Never shoplift from large namebrand stores. Scheels, Forever 21, Old Navy, exetera. 3. Please before you pick an item check for ink tags and scanners. If any articals have them- do not take them. It's to high risk. 4. Go to a dressing room, if an associate takes your clothes from your hands and visibly counts them, time to pick anouther store. 5. Bring multipul items with you, even if your not going to buy them or try them on. If they ask you how many items you have, lie and say that you have 1 less than you do. When you leave they will count how many you walk out with or hand back. 6. Take the articals you are taking and quietly remove the tag. Hide it under the seat, behind a wall, anywhere inside the changing room. 7. wear the articals you are taking underneath your sweatshirt or sweatpants. Double check for tags or scanners before leaving the store. 7. If you have a hanger, hide it as well or bring it to an assosiate and say you found a loose hanger in the stall. 8. Check out. Again, it's always importent to buy something when shoplifting. Anything. 9. Leave the store calmly, if alarms go off you have 3 options. A- keep walking. Point to anouther person walking out and let them know they set off the alarm calmly. B.Hold up your receit, it's not uncommen for alarms to falsly go off. C. If they search you, say you were wearing sweats over your clothes because of the cold weather. (Hopfully it's cold where you live) 10. If you follow the directions no alarms should go off. Leave to you car. Do not go to any other stores. Sidenotes: never shoplift at the same store twice in a row. They're inventory checks will start to recognize a pattern. Do not make this habbit. Shoplift what you need, not what you want.

“I‘m sure the humanitarian award is in transit as we speak, but forgive me if I hold off on changing my opinion until it arrives.”

“    perhaps    if    i    keep    talking,    it    will    start    to    make    sense.    ”