#thefab5

Adam catches her easily when she rushes toward him and jumps, long smooth legs wrapping around his waist. Laughing as she peppers kisses all over his face, he turns and leans their entwined bodies against the nearest wall, savoring the feel of her pressed against him, in all the right places. God, he missed her so much, and he will tell her that and lots more, as soon as his brain can manage a coherent thought.

They make out like teenagers for a few minutes, soft noises, sighs and moans mixing together, amplifying the pleasure slowly building as their hands roam.

“I missed you,” he murmurs, and she smiles against his mouth. “I might leave more often though, if this is the reception I get.”

“Who says you’re ever leaving again?” Adam chuckles at that. Jaz looks him in the eye, a hand coming up to cup his cheek. “I’m serious. Not sharing you with the world. They can get their own Adam.”

The attempt at levity falls a bit flat. It’s not the words themselves, but what lurks beneath them that has Adam immediately shifting from amusement to mild concern.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”

That soft, intimate tone laces his voice, and Jaz is mildly afraid of the power it holds over her now. Closing her eyes with a shake of her head, she tries to refocus on the way his hard body is still pressing her against the wall. Rolling her hips against him, she moves to kiss him, but Adam is on alert now, and he’s not going to let this go. He shifts his his hips back slightly, and her legs drop to the floor. So, they’re doing this. Now.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.” At his skeptical look she sighs. “It’s just…” Trailing off, she looks down for a second before ducking under his arm and moving towards the kitchen. Adam follows her, a few steps behind, giving her the space her body language is begging for.

Finding the right words proves harder than expected. The wave of frustration begins to rise within her, and having no clue where it even comes from makes it so much worse. The past three days replay in her mind. What is she suppose to say here? That she missed him? That she spent every waking minute daydreaming about his arms around her? That being away from him for three measly days almost drove her mad? That now that they’re here, officially together, she’s afraid she won’t ever survive without him? Isn’t it too soon for all of that?

They’ve grown as close as two people can be without actually being together these past five years, but in all that time, they’ve never done this. Talking openly about their feelings, giving voice to their fears, hopes, and expectations. Five days ago, she thought they were simply taking the next logical step. Giving in to the overwhelming need to explore their relationship - and each other- with nothing holding them back. Right now though, she wonders if they’re right back at square one.

“Talk to me.”

Jaz can’t help but turn towards him at that. She wants to tell him everything, so badly, if only to erase the worry etched on his face. But she’s never done this before….intimacy, opening up. Never cared enough to stick around and do this instead of run.

Even so, she knows none of her past experiences could ever compare to now. Because this is Adam, who is everything she never dreamed she’d find in a man. So, regardless of the past, she will do her best to muddle through this, for him. And it will be messy and uncomfortable, but there’s no other option in her mind. If things between them fail, it won’t be because she didn’t try. Those clear blue eyes she loves are growing more troubled now, and hating that her silence is the cause, she takes a deep breath and jumps in feet first.

“I think it’s just...everything.” She begins with a helpless shrug. “In the last five days, we came back from Turkey, debriefed at the DIA, talked about us- you and me, as a couple- then spent the best night ever together, like... I didn’t know that was even possible...and then you left and--”

Adam frowns at that. “We agreed. You said you were fi--”

“I know what I said, okay?”

The outburst takes them both by surprise, but Adam instantly takes a step closer, cupping her face in his hands before she can retreat. So much is swirling around them, a cloud of questions and future decisions and sensitive conversations about the past- which Xander would say they absolutely need to have. Adam knows they’ll need time to wade through it, and he wonders how much of what’s still to come is driving the frustration pouring out now. Still, amongst all the heavy thoughts floating in his mind, one stands out, and it surprises him that it’s not serious at all.

“The best night ever?” Adam asks, with raised eyebrows and lips curved in a teasing smile.

Jaz huffs out a surprised laugh. “Seriously? That’s what you got from all that?” she asks, and attempts unsuccessfully to squeeze out of his grasp.

Adam sobers, readjusts his strong but tender hold around her neck, thumbs stroking her cheeks. Opening his legs wide, he lowers so they’re at eye level now.

“Jaz, baby. Listen to me.” The pet name draws an almost imperceptible whimper from her, and she brings her hands up, wraps them around his wrists. “I know it’s a lot to take in...us. But I promise you, we’ll figure all this out. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”  

The words sink in, and the raw, fearless emotion in his gaze catches her off guard. It’s too much, and she knows it’s a bit spineless to want to hide from it now, but she’ll implode if she doesn’t clear her head.

Reaching with her right hand, she runs her fingers over his beard, offering a smile that doesn’t entirely reach her eyes. He leans into her touch, wanting to draw her out, but she turns her body away from him toward the counter instead, one hand closing around the nearest grocery bag as the other drops away from his face.

Once again, Adam lets her go, watching as random food items emerge from the striped reusable totes.

“Well….that’s good to know,” she says, trying to sound nonchalant. “That you’re staying, I mean.” With her back to him, she holds up the cereal box for him to see. “Because, I’ve already bought this awful bird food you like. And those blueberry bagels, which are carb-loaded monstrosities really, and it’d be so rude of you to--”

Large, strong hands on her waist halt her nervous rambling, and when he folds his warm, solid body around her, the tension just oozes out of her with a long, deep exhale. Turning in his arms, she buries her face in his chest and just breathes him in.

Adam stands there, arms wrapped tightly around Jaz, and his mind flashes to the few seconds before, as he’d watched her stiff and shaking lightly, emptying out grocery bags. Her words about cereal and bagels flood his ears now- and the underlying fear in them, the possibility that he may not stick around- hits him like a sucker punch to the gut.

He’d gotten on that plane, because his nieces were waiting and Jaz had been adamant she’d meet them another time. Thinking it was her way of carving out “me” time for herself, he’d acquiesced. But as he’d stood hugging her goodbye outside the TSA line, nose buried in her apple-scented hair, he’d wanted nothing more than to haul her with him through security and never let her go.

With stark clarity, he can now feel this abyss between them, this notion of impermanence and ambiguity hovering around their relationship status, their future. He’d thought they’d have time for all that. His words as he’d explained his reasoning five days ago float through his mind...Jaz. We’re practically together, in every sense of the word…

Now though, he can see that statement wasn’t entirely true. By holding back those three words that mattered the most, he unknowingly allowed doubt to seep in through the cracks. Adam knows that nothing but brutal honesty will do now. It’s the one thing that has always worked to stop her from spiraling, so he decides that’s the way this will go. There is no room for more misunderstandings now. They’re not starting this journey on uneven emotional ground.

Jaz’s muffled voice interrupts his epiphany, and he rubs his cheek against her hair as he feels her mouth moving against his chest.  

“I just missed you. It’s stupid. You were only gone three days, and I know we’ve only been--”

“I love you, Jaz.” The way she freezes against him tugs at his heart. After a second, she inches back, staring at her finger as it toys with a button on his checkered dress shirt. He watches as she takes a deep breath before her brown eyes drift up to his, shining with unshed tears.

“You do?” Uncertainty and hope mingle in her voice.  

“Of course I--” Adam swallows, eyes closing against the flood of remorse.

“I’m such an idiot. I convinced you that we could do this, that the time was right for us... and then I….” Shaking his head, he brings his forehead down against hers with a regretful sigh. “I’m sorry. I love you, okay? I have loved you, for years. I’ll say it as many times as you want. Just, please, don’t cry.”

Unable to find her voice after that, she swallows and moves her head up and down in a nod. Adam opens his eyes in time to see her radiant smile, and can’t help kissing the now pinkish tip of her nose. When she blinks, and the tears finally fall, he wipes them away with his thumbs. He’s desperate now to make her understand, and the words just tumble out.

“I was waiting to tell you, when we had more time. I’ve been...planning it for a while.” That self-deprecating Adam smile, the one he reserves just for her, makes her chuckle through the tears. “I even asked my sister for advice. I was gonna take you out. Our official first date. That’s why I came back early, to surprise you and...God, it doesn’t even matter--”

“Adam.” Jaz’s voice is strong now, sure and steady, and he lets out the proverbial breath he’s been holding. Slowly, she fans her hands on his chest, tracing lazy patterns with her fingers and following them with her eyes.

“You know, our first night together?” She looks up through her lashes now. “It really was the best night ever.”

Adam grins, fast and bright. “Yeah?”