#theempath

ill take the apple with half a worm

and im choking on things i didn’t say

But in the end i dug my own grave

Im sitting in a cafe, in a city, in a body.

Not necessarily in that order.

You see, i’m sitting in my body. A body I should hate but don’t. My soul and ego in an endless tango of control over my flesh suit. One seeks to make me happy the other wants to make others happy.

Im sitting in a cafe. A cafe i love but dont know. A place i’ve yet to become acquainted but am enamored with upon first glance. I was driving and the GPA gave me the quickest place for a calm setting. In fact, i asked Siri “wheres the closest place i can be alone but not alone?” That place is called Luna Caffe. Its charming, its quaint, and it has 5 different types of matcha so what more can i ask.

Im sitting in a city. A city i hate but shouldn’t. A city as poor as the one i grew up with. A city hundreds of miles from home. I sit here, I inhale the air of this city and I feel… irritated. I feel frustrated by whats not mine. I sit where I don’t want to and I feel like I don’t belong. 

Behind me two therapists are talking about psychology and whatever it is that psychologists are allowed to talk about outside of their office. To my left two partners and their fur child walked in, its name is June. The baristas, the other customers, even the god wonder who I am and why i’m here. Or maybe thats just the echo of my own thoughts. 

What is Self Care? 

Self Care is giving yourself a bubble bath. Self Love is massaging your flesh suit with the gentle touch of a lover. Self Love is thanking your body parts for the role they play in your life which consistently abuses it. 

Self Care is the expensive lotion that reverses aging. Self Love is embracing the things that made you feel separated from others. Self Love is honoring all of our physical reality no matter what it is. Self Love is Self Acceptance.

Self Care is impulse buying an expensive luxury because “I deserve it.” Self Love is creating a budget and adhering to it. Self Love is recognizing that money is energy and in our household we respect our energy. 

Self Care is investing in new boots. Self Love is investing in your future. Self Love is Self Discipline.

Self Care is attending one (1) misappropriated hot yoga class taught by a “Tiffany”. Self Care is #YOLO and commissioning your sins to be absolved by another human being. Self Love is seeking any form of morals and ethical beliefs. Self Love is giving to a charity that inspires some profound empathy in you. 

Self Care is posting “Live. Laugh. Love.” on your insta bio and announcing you’re on a “social media detox”. Self Love is reconnecting to a life outside of the invisible, online world. Self Love is grounding yourself in this reality.

Self Care is not easy and its not fun. Most of the time it sucks proverbial and metaphorical balls. Self Care is being your own adult. Self Care is putting your self first. Self Care is saying no. Self care is putting your towel in the dryer before a shower so its nice and warm. Self Care is hiding the scale. Self Love is reading a self help book…. Or 5. 

Self care is being single. Self Love is opening yourself to love and be loved. Self care is buying a vibrator. Self Care is Self Love is enriching your understanding of something bigger than the individual perspective. Self Love is thinking for yourself. Self care is temporary. Self Love is continuous.