#theempathaqueerperspective

ill take the apple with half a worm

and im choking on things i didn’t say

But in the end i dug my own grave

Im sitting in a cafe, in a city, in a body.

Not necessarily in that order.

You see, i’m sitting in my body. A body I should hate but don’t. My soul and ego in an endless tango of control over my flesh suit. One seeks to make me happy the other wants to make others happy.

Im sitting in a cafe. A cafe i love but dont know. A place i’ve yet to become acquainted but am enamored with upon first glance. I was driving and the GPA gave me the quickest place for a calm setting. In fact, i asked Siri “wheres the closest place i can be alone but not alone?” That place is called Luna Caffe. Its charming, its quaint, and it has 5 different types of matcha so what more can i ask.

Im sitting in a city. A city i hate but shouldn’t. A city as poor as the one i grew up with. A city hundreds of miles from home. I sit here, I inhale the air of this city and I feel… irritated. I feel frustrated by whats not mine. I sit where I don’t want to and I feel like I don’t belong. 

Behind me two therapists are talking about psychology and whatever it is that psychologists are allowed to talk about outside of their office. To my left two partners and their fur child walked in, its name is June. The baristas, the other customers, even the god wonder who I am and why i’m here. Or maybe thats just the echo of my own thoughts. 

What is Self Care? 

Self Care is giving yourself a bubble bath. Self Love is massaging your flesh suit with the gentle touch of a lover. Self Love is thanking your body parts for the role they play in your life which consistently abuses it. 

Self Care is the expensive lotion that reverses aging. Self Love is embracing the things that made you feel separated from others. Self Love is honoring all of our physical reality no matter what it is. Self Love is Self Acceptance.

Self Care is impulse buying an expensive luxury because “I deserve it.” Self Love is creating a budget and adhering to it. Self Love is recognizing that money is energy and in our household we respect our energy. 

Self Care is investing in new boots. Self Love is investing in your future. Self Love is Self Discipline.

Self Care is attending one (1) misappropriated hot yoga class taught by a “Tiffany”. Self Care is #YOLO and commissioning your sins to be absolved by another human being. Self Love is seeking any form of morals and ethical beliefs. Self Love is giving to a charity that inspires some profound empathy in you. 

Self Care is posting “Live. Laugh. Love.” on your insta bio and announcing you’re on a “social media detox”. Self Love is reconnecting to a life outside of the invisible, online world. Self Love is grounding yourself in this reality.

Self Care is not easy and its not fun. Most of the time it sucks proverbial and metaphorical balls. Self Care is being your own adult. Self Care is putting your self first. Self Care is saying no. Self care is putting your towel in the dryer before a shower so its nice and warm. Self Care is hiding the scale. Self Love is reading a self help book…. Or 5. 

Self care is being single. Self Love is opening yourself to love and be loved. Self care is buying a vibrator. Self Care is Self Love is enriching your understanding of something bigger than the individual perspective. Self Love is thinking for yourself. Self care is temporary. Self Love is continuous.

What is the Empath?

To answer that one should first know how to answer the question: what is an empath?

But the answer to that second question is rather complex. Some would think an empath of that being of the science fiction aspects… that type of empath being someone who can control the emotions of those around them. But most would think of an empath in the supernatural sense… a person who can read the emotions and/or thoughts of another. And the second definition is definitely more true to what the real definition of an empath is.

An empath, in modern literal terms, is anyone who can accurately and consistently sense the moods, emotions, and intentions of another person.

Now i personally chose to include “intentions” in that definition because intention is everything. Intention is whats gets us out of the bed in the morning, its was initiates a conversation, creates a job market and in general, makes people tick. And there is no one more capable of understanding what makes someone tick than an empath.

Now, Being an empath is not a title i carry lightly. You wont see me standing on the street corner and holding a sign saying “Empath Here! Give me all your worst emotions!” because that sounds like even more work than just plain old existing. Being an empath is certainly hard enough, no need flaunting it so everyone knows im extremely, extremely sensitive to their moods. Empathy is not something to flaunt nor is it a particularly impressive skill. Most people can feel empathy towards another person, so what makes them any different from someone who claims the term Empath?

Im a sucker for a sweet analogy, so i ask you to imagine that emotions are pollen. Then I would be the honey bee and the world a field of flowers, all a different variety. The tiny bee tries dutifully to do their job as part of the hive…. Except this bee is profoundly allergic to pollen and can only carry so much at a time.

“Allergic” is actually a rather strong comparison but what else would you call me breaking out in hives whenever someone expresses something emotional serious of which i have no idea how to respond??? Breaking out in hives, scratchiness in the throat, accelerated heart rate and breathing... see? Allergies, Anxiety.... same thing.

Emotions are a natural part of life and making space for other peoples emotions can be tiring but rewarding and is an important step in all relationships to establish trust and emotional intimacy.

But Emotions are also fucking stupid.

They can make no sense and can be wrapped up in other emotions that are disguised by these other emotions… until its a big emotional turducken. Being an empath is feeling that thrice-baked mess of emotions 99.9% of the time and having to deal with the fall out of this hyper awareness.

Being an Empath is chosing to walk to the world with your heart on your sleeve. its a reminder to be vulnerable, be brace, and be a leader in sharing some of the things society would rather us not talk about. 

The Empath is a public journal, A blog of sorts, of all the complex emotions of a human being with a very queer perspective. The Empath is a reminder to me to be all of the things that i want to see in the world. Its my vision but most importantly its my perspective... and its a rather queer one.

My name is Boots, i’m a nonbinary wayward soul with more ambitions than trips completed around the sun and i actively seek to understand the human nature and the interpersonal motivations of those around me…

This is a recording of the minutiae of life with all of the context that a very private and vulnerable ego can give.