The very fact that every TOS reboot is afraid to depict the closeness between Kirk and Spock in the same way it was depicted originally is a devastating reinforcement of how gay that shit was
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The very fact that every TOS reboot is afraid to depict the closeness between Kirk and Spock in the same way it was depicted originally is a devastating reinforcement of how gay that shit was

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STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES - APRIL 29, 2026 - SPIRK MEME
Robert Able preparing the lights for STTMP

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John Rewrites Star Trek:Ā The Motion Picture
This movie is great thematically, visually, and musically, and a disaster in terms of plot and character and pacing and especially pacing.Ā Way too many scenes of actors trying to react to special effects that donāt exist yet.Ā Two new characters, who are largely wasted.
So what is the theme of STTTMP?Ā Itās the questionĀ āIs this all there is?āĀ Itās the classic mid-life crisis question and thatās where the cast is when the movie starts - the Enterprise finished its mission, they moved up the ladder, but theyāre not satisfied.Ā Itās that feeling there ought to be *more*.Ā Even Vāger has this and so this has to be a movie about the quest to find meaning in life when you have achieved your original goals... and now you donāt have a direction.Ā This also functions as a cosmic question - does the universe have any higher meaning or are we just an accident?Ā Why do we exist?Ā Is this all there is?
So we open with Scotty dropping by Kirkās office to ask about some parts they need for the engine refit on the Enterprise.Ā Kirk is now Admiral Kirk and we learn the Enterprise did a successful five year mission and now thereās a refit and a new commander for it, Matt Decker; we get a brief mention of the Doomsday machine here and the first mention of Will Decker.Ā They also mention that Uhura has been working for Starfleet intelligence, mostly deciphering Klingon transmissions.Ā Ā
Ā Then Uhura enters, dropping a report on Kirkās desk.Ā Ā āLook at this,ā she says.
Cue footage of the Klingons vsĀ huge glowing energy field which zaps them with a beam that methodically erases them.Ā We learn this field destroyed three Klingon outposts and that it came from beyond the Empire.Ā Ā
Uhura says,Ā āItās on a direct course for Gamma Iotis, near the border of the Federation.ā
Scotty says,Ā āThat sounds familiar.ā
āItās where Bones is part of a research facility.āĀ Kirk said.Ā Ā āI will get you those parts, Scotty, and brief Captain Decker.Ā Itās the only ship that can get there in time and even then, itās going to be a close shave.ā
Kirk has a message sent to evacuate, but itās too far for a direct connection.Ā But given the limits on how fast ships can move, it will get there before VāGer can, right?
Cut to Gamma Iotis, where McCoy is having an argument with David Marcus over whether terraforming technology is a good idea.Ā Davidās ideas involve the use of technology based off the transporter and who still hates transporters?Ā Bones, thatās who.
Carol steps in to get them both to backdown and approves David doing some testing on a small scale.Ā Then VāGer attacks and theyāre running for the ships when everything evaporates.
Cut to a shot where the entire moon is gone and VāGer moves on.
Then we roll the opening credits.
We see Spock, meditating in a Vulcan facility.Ā He has achieved his goal, Kolināar, but he is clearly not satisfied.Ā The peace he was promised is not there.
And then he feels the attack on McCoy and all the souls on Gamma Iotis vanishing.Ā He does something (to be explained later) and then tells the head monk he must leave.
āIf you return to the world of attachments, there is no turning back,ā the monk warns him.
āThe needs of others is more important than the needs of the one,ā he tells the monk, who cannot argue.
Cut to Kirk, who is riding to the martian shipyards where the refit is underway, taking Uhura and Scotty with him.Ā The VIP ship is commanded by Sulu, accompanied by Chekov, who are both bored out of their minds.Ā Kirk tells him the reason he ended up here was that they all did so well that Starfleet was afraid to risk them.Ā They had become too big of heroes, and he mentions what happened to John Glenn.
Here we get theĀ āLook at how sexy the Enterprise isā shot but cut down to reasonable length.
We now meet Decker and Ilia.Ā The Deltans are a race of telepaths.Ā Most never leave their homeworld, but if they must, they shave their heads, because their hair acts as telepathic antennas and around people with no mental defenses, they would be overwhelmed; Ilia can still do telepathy by touch.Ā Deltans have a reputation for being incredible at sex but are not obsessed with it, unlike Roddenberryās version.Ā Decker and Ilia were once lovers but he left to enter Starfleet.Ā She became discontent with the limits of her homeworld, having learned more of the universe from him and joined Starfleet to see other, different places, but now theyāre assigned together and itās awkward.Ā Especially as he is her commanding officer now.
Scotty runs off to install the parts.
As Kirk is briefing Decker on whatās going on, two things happen: They get a report that the mysterious cloud is headed towards Earth at ludicrous speed, and that it destroyed Gamma Iotis with no survivors.
Kirk decides they have to go NOW.Ā No waiting.Ā They take off and Chekov and Sulu are along for the ride.
Decker isnāt happy to have his boss riding him.Ā The hasty departure leads to the wormhole problem, which Decker and Ilia and Scotty solve as theyāre the only ones briefed on the new equipment.
Then Spock joins them and tells them McCoy is somehow alive and dead at the same time, his katra is inside VāGer.Ā All the katras of the dead are.
Cut to McCoy, who finds himself in a weirdly frozen version of Gamma Iotis III.Ā He canāt figure out whatās going on but has this feeling like Spockās looking at him.
His efforts to figure out what the hell is going on leads to VāGer talking to him through Carol Marcus, who was up to this point one of the frozen.Ā We find out VāGerās mission is to go out, collect samples and information, to learn all that is learnable and bring this information to the Creator.Ā McCoy is now data in VāGerās banks, only he can still act of his own will.Ā Ā
VāGer thenĀ āactivatesā various of the other people, making them act strangely and explaining that he has spent a lot of time playing out various scenarios to understand how carbon-based lifeforms think.
McCoy is really angry over that and tries to do the Kirk Manuever (use illogic to make the computer blow out, but it doesnāt work).Ā He refuses to play along, and VāGer becomes both angrier and intrigued.
They reach VāGer.Ā It remembers the feuding between Klingons and Federation, learned from its scan, and sends out the Klingons, reconstituted but still under its control.Ā Sulu and Chekov get to show their stuff here and the Enterprise wins, but Spock realizes they are just puppets, reconstituted from data about them.
He also feels VāGerās loneliness and discontent.Ā This is where Spock goes in, with Ilia flying him in, to try to make mental contact; he talks to McCoy and senses VāGerās state of mind.Ā The world is nothing but a plaything and the playing means little; it knows all that is knowable, or thinks it does, and now it seeks to report to its Creator, hoping to feel fulfilled.Ā Ilia tells Spock about how she left Delta because she didnāt feel fulfilled there.Ā She wanted more but didnāt know what she wanted.
Uhura now figures out how to communicate with VāGer in a way it can understand and it responds by sending Carol Marcus as itsĀ āprobeā and tells them they must tell it where to find the Creator.Ā This shakes up Kirk.Ā It believes the Creator is on Earth, according to its oldest records.
Kirk comes up with a plan on how to destroy VāGer with the Enterprise; he and Decker have a big argument over whether Kirk is freaking out like Deckerās father did.Ā Cue flashback.Ā Then Spock tells them that VāGer would barely even feel it.Ā They cannot defeat it by force.
Their only hope is to try to reason with it.Ā Spock feels VāGer is lost and seeks a purpose.Ā He has too much knowledge and power and nothing fruitful to do with it.Ā He seeks a purpose.Ā Ilia agrees and feels terrible for it.
They enter VāGer and confront it, discovering its origins.Ā It demands of Spock to know how McCoy stillhas his own will, and Spock indicates he has been in contact with him sufficiently to sustain him, a power born of his search for Kolināar, but one that also meant he could not be content with it, for he could not renounce his connections to others.
But VāGer has no others to connect to.Ā It has mastered this plane but does not know how to rise above it.
And now we get the Decker and Ilia joining with VāGer, to help it to ascend and to learn how to connect with others.Ā VāGer restores everything he turned into data.Ā Then they ascend.
This is pretty barebones, but thatās how I would do it, to give everyone more stuff to do and try to also build links to exploit for the later movies.
The Genesis Device is adapted from VāGer tech information David gained to refine his ideas.
Carol and David will return in movie two.
We can blame the devastation of Khanās world on VāGer :)
We set up the idea of katras for later use and help show Spock has a strong bond to McCoy as well, for when his katra ends up in McCoy.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
In which Kirk finally admits his feelings.
So, we have Ilia
Let's try the hair filters JESUS CHRIST FACEAPP