(If V.E.R.A was given a phone)

- her text tone would be cat noises

- She loves using emojis in her texts

- The others laugh at how she includes one in every text she sends

- She’s the one who texts Judy (Austin’s mom) if they are running late

- When there was a telemarketer, she accidentally messed with them by asking questions like “Why do I require [item being sold]

- She checks to see if telemarketers are a virus

- She prefers texting

Ffffffiiiine, I’ll talk about it...

The Guardian Code was meant to be the long awaited revival of ReBoot, but it turned out to be the biggest pile of garbage cliches I’ve witnessed in a long time. What I immediately hated about it was the way it tore all focus away from the main protagonists and re-purposed Megabyte in ways completely unfitting of his personality.

They’ve also shoehorned in live action teen drama because hey, that’s what a show that was initially about the inner workings of computers really needs, right? 

The original show NEVER mentioned humans outside of referring to them as “Users”. It was part of the charm - the inhabitants of Mainframe were in their own microscopic world, following their own rules and having absolutely no ties to the outside world.

Even their time measurements reflected this, which was carefully thought out and added that little bit of extra immersion to the show. It would be impossible for any human to cooperate with sprites given the differing perceptions of time. Anything that happens in the computer world would go by in a breeze for humans.

Let’s talk about ReBoot: The Guardian Code. I had this big plan to write up a long essay about whether an audience can separate behind the scenes drama from a piece of art. After all, we as the audience aren’t supposed to know about any of that stuff. It was going to be awesome. I’d keep calling the show “Guardian Code” and then at the end say “Guardian Code” was perfectly average Canadian kids TV but it wasn’t ReBoot.

I was going to talk about why that was the case and what it means about remakes in general. Some nostalgia talk was going to be thrown in there. Probably would have made an easy Ready Player One joke. I’d delve deep into ReBoot’s place in pop culture and that a Robot Chicken sketch is really the only proof anyone outside hardcore fans remember it.

...

These days though I try not to just drag shows. It’s way too easy to write 800 words why a given episode of say, Power Rangers Ninja Steel, is terrible. Although once you’ve been writing reviews like that for four years it gets old. So instead I try to break down what a “bad episode” means for the franchise or just TV as a whole. It’s less me dunking on a show and more trying to figure out why it ended up the way it did. After all, no one sets out to make a bad episode of TV… right?

Season 1: Episode 10 of ReBoot: The Guardian Code, “Mainframe Mayhem” purports to be a tribute to classic ReBoot. Several voice actors return, they recreate the old sets, and even toss in a few catchphrases. In the lead up to this episode I had a pretty good idea what it would be like.

They wouldn’t resolve “The Hunt” cliffhanger of season four. The characters would make a few pandering references. There would be an attempt to make it seem like The Guardian Code is somehow in the continuity of the original ReBoot (which it would bungle.) The whole “Users as Gods” thing would be forgotten or glossed over.

All of that happened. Was it awful? I mean, yeah. Bob delivering his monologue from the old intro is incredibly ham-fisted. The lines about Hexadecimal not seeing Megabyte in a long time try to acknowledge season four maybe happened at one point but don’t fit. The intriguing idea of Bob, Dot, and Enzo basically meeting their gods is treated as just another wacky day at the diner. But that was expected.

It was a way to try and placate the hardcore fans so The Guardian Codeproducers could have a talking point in interviews about how “this isn’t just a reboot of ReBoot.”

I was prepared for that.

What the summaries and leaks didn’t reveal was that The Guardian Codecharacters and Bob would go inside a game. Okay, cool. Nice little throwback. The problem is that we see the User who’s playing this game and it’s… a  thirty year old neckbeard living in his mother’s basement surrounded by classic ReBoot merchandise. There’s a poster for ReBoot: The Ride. The first art book. He even has a giant statue of Mike the TV.

This guy has been waiting for the old Mainframe to come back online. Yeah, somehow the Mainframe from the old series is locked in a cabinet in the new Guardians lair. I won’t even bother talking about the implications that has for the original series and how it doesn’t jive with what we saw in the third season. There’s something bigger to tackle here.

“And mom said all this time in the basement was wasted.”

That’s an actual line from the episode as the "User" gains the upper hand in the game. His whole life revolves around ReBoot, so much so he still lives in his moms basement. This is where the original idea for my essay fell apart. How do you defend something that so blatantly mocks not just fans of ReBoot but fan culture in general?

I can see where this came from. Ever since the summary for The Guardian Code was released fans were in an uproar. Many went to extreme lengths to make their displeasure known. A lot of it went too far.

No matter how much you don’t like how your favorite franchise is handled, endlessly posting on social media about it and publicly insulting the people making the show is a waste of time. I can imagine discussions in The Guardian Code creative team offices now.

“Why can’t they understand TV is a complex business and we couldn’t sell the show they wanted? Why can’t they just leave us alone? This show isn’t for them.”

That’s a very generous reading of it but hey, not trying to dunk on anyone here. They had an IP and wanted to make a show. I get that. Getting anything made in this business is incredibly difficult. Slapping the name ReBoot on it meant it was more likely to get sold. Sure, fine, it’s understandable.

“And mom said all this time in the basement was wasted.”

This is where any sympathy fades away from the creative team. If this User character hadn’t been included I could have understood (but still not been a fan of) why ReBoot: The Guardian Code ended up the way it did.

A fat nerd living in his mom’s basement is an old stereotype that’s long been played out. By utilizing it the creative team seems to speak directly to its loyal audience and say,

“This is what we think of you.”

It wasn’t necessary. They didn’t have to stoop to the level of making fun of fans, even the ones who take their passion for the franchise too far. A good series shouldn’t engage in that kind of petty dialogue with its audience. It should rise above it.

If ReBoot: The Guardian Code did have something to say about fans that are too devoted to media? If it had been a meta commentary on reboots in general and fan reactions to them? That could have had some merit, especially if it had the clever writing of the old series. Instead we got…

“And mom said all this time in the basement was wasted.”

That doesn’t even sound like something a human being would say. It’s a caricature the creators of this show painted to disregard any negative feedback of The Guardian Code.  When fans would rightly point out, “this sounds nothing like the ReBoot I love”, “it looks like a bad Code Lyokoknockoff”, or “hey, you guys endlessly promised us the original show would return. What gives?” this is the image they went for.

A fat guy who has no life.

The User character in “Mainframe Mayhem” slaps the audience in the face at the same moment it’s trying to bestow them a gift from on high with the return of the old characters and voice cast. It makes even the genuinely delightful moment of Enzo tackling Bob feel tainted.

“Here’s your references, nerds. Now get back to your basement,” it says. That’s not only a horrible message for its older fans but also for its new younger ones.

This is why ReBoot: The Guardian Code doesn’t work as a reboot of ReBootor even as perfectly average Canadian kids TV. It could have been a series that, while saddled with the name of a known IP, strived to be more than what zealous hardcore fans portrayed it as. It could have been fun on its own, divorced from its roots.

That’s the show I would have been fine with. I wouldn’t have been a fan but it could have led to an interesting discussion.

“And mom said all this time in the basement was wasted.”

Many minutes ago... much longer than I would like to think about... ReBoot released their third season. I am a huge fan of that beautiful little cartoon. It had been years since the nail-biting cliffhanger of season 2. To celebrate, I built myself a Guardian key-tool. Being a particular type of nerd, I needed mine to be functional as much as looking like Glitch.

So I took an Altoids tin and mounted it on a watch strap with a couple of rivets. Some paint, a few bits of junk from the hardware store, and it looked the part. Then, I went to the dollar store and loaded up on gadgets. I managed to cram a clock, calculator, tweezers, sewing scissors, pen and a space for my keys into it. This was before smart phones, so they had to be applied separately.

I was in the last couple of years of high school by now. Swiss army knives were absolutely forbidden at school, but the need for things like tweezers, scissors, screw drivers was ever present. Almost every day I would need something out of my key-tool so I kept wearing it for a long time.

Fast forward to when I somehow got a date? (Still have no idea how that happened) We were leaving the Ontario Science Centre when she says to me, “Do you remember where we parked?”

I did not. Therefore, I aimed Glitch vaguely into the parking lot and commanded in by best Bob impression “Glitch, Car!”

You could hear my date rolling her eyes out loud. That was about the reaction I was going for. Then, by some cosmic coincidence, proving that the Programmer has a sense of humour, there was a survey crew working in the parking lot. Just as I commanded Glitch to find the car, someone raised a giant orange flag right behind my vehicle!

“There it is. Glitch found it.”

She’s still mad at me because it worked. For some reason she married me? (That’s an epic tale for another time) And when I found the fandom again due to the guardian code trailer provoking all the Anti-virus programs into action; her first comment was: “I’m still mad about your stupid Glitch stupid working!”