#that got... long

“we didn’t start the fire” by @pink-grapefruit-cafe - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jankie, Ninex, Trixya + I’m hoping for Kamasia)

When I think of this story, I start smiling and bounce with excitement, because it’s just that freaking fantastic. I’m still in awe with how well Charl is executing this concept, and I stopped expecting anything less than splendind from her even before I got to know her. How does she know so much about firefighters? I’m guessing a lot of detailed research came into outlining this story and I have the most respect for that. But the plot! Okay, so it’s a firefighter AU. I can’t tell you too much not to spoil anything important, but it starts with a bang to your own head, and then it doesn’t slow down. We get to explore characters one by one, but through the lense of relationships and dynamic, and it’s done in such a smart way. I promise you’ll be hooked one paragraph in, and by the end of the first chapter- you’ll be addicted.

“A Goode Idea“ by @goodemornting​ - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

I had and incredible pleasure of betaing it, but I’m not biased at all what I say this fic is hilarious. It’s fantastically written and had me surprised at every turn. I had the most fun reading it each time. The idea is, well, absurd. Like, literally. Crystal gets her hand stuck in a vending machine on her way to a blind date. But our girl is not a quitter, oh no, but the machine is runway commentary on Drag Race and Crystal’s hand is jokes about Michelle’s breasts. Just... can’t let it go. Thankfully, there comes salvation in a form of Gigi Goode, who’s been stood up on a blind date. Are you, like, connecting the dots here? Because they’re not. At all. This fic is prime entertainment, give it a read.

“I Remember“ by @imposterzoe - one shot (Jiji)

MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT, SET ON FIRE, AND STEPPED ON, BUT NOT IN ATTEMPT TO PUT OUT THE FLAME. I thought about this fic and, jesus, it still hurts. It’s a great angst, truly a great one. It’s all loneliness and heartbreak and yearning that makes the lungs burn. “dear god he needed a hug. But the one person he would accept it from was in another man's arms, on the other side of the country.” - I can’t get this line out of my head and I don’t regret it - it’s a very good one, but it just hurts a lot. Incredible, incredible work. 

One Direction (to your heart) by @opalescent-cheetah​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jaida/Crystal)

Back to the fun stuff! IT’S A SOULMATES AU. I’M WEAK FOR SOULMATES AUs. And you might not understand my love for that trope (it’s legit my favourite one ever), but you will understand my love for that story as soon as you start it. It’s a fun spin on the soulmate tottoos trope - you’re not born with it, but once you get your first tattoo, it’s mirrored on your soulmate’s skin. And Jaida really doesn’t get the appeal of having the universe decide for you about who you’re going to love - she prefers to make that decision for herself, so when arabic letters spelling “One Direction” appear on her chest, it’s less than ideal. But she doesn’t think too much about it. That, or the fact her new coworker insists of blasting 1D songs all day long. She might not enjoy Crystal’s taste in music, but she sure enjoys her company. A lot. A whole lot.

I almost forgot to mention it, but the fact each chapter has a seperate illustration drawn for it? And they’re all so pretty? Wonderful.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered by @missjanjie - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Sportsdoll, Crygi)

I promised myself one rec for one author and with Joley it was the most difficult to stick to that rule (and we’ve had Charlotte on this list, and I’m whipped with everything she writes, so visualise the struggle here). But I chose this one, because it’s just!!! so good!!! Jan is a simple collage student with typical collage student problems. You know, exams, boring readings, pining for your French pen pal, morning lectures, handing in assignments on time. Crystal is her roommate, and has typical roommate problems: sharing chores, remembering which sweets are whose, and telling your secret crush you have to pretend to be in love, because your roommate decided to invite her French pen pal to your wedding, so now you have to stage everything. That’s a normal Tuesday evening for them. And an awesome story for you to follow.

“small wonder“ by wildewoman_22 - lesbian AU, one shot (Jankie)

This list is supposed to be fics that live rent-free in my head, so this one should have been put as the first one. It made me sob. It’s so unimaginably beautiful (I’m already getting tears in my eyes and I’m not even talking about the plot, oh my god). Jackie and Jan decide to have a baby, and it’s the most raw, magnificent, but also heartwarming portrayal of pregnancy and different ways to understand motherhood I’ve read. So absolutely beautiful and filled with love. Just, a masterpiece. So mindblowing.

“Some Things Are Bound To Be” by @dollalpaca​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Kyara)

In Polish we have that saying, “to approach something like dog would a hedgehog”, and to say that was me with that fic is like not saying anything. I love Zyanny and I’m always going to be proud of the things she creates - be it a fic, a moodboard, or a bullet journal - but I didn’t really watch CDR, and the bit I have seen didn’t convince me. So it took me a while to get to that fic. But when I did. Jesus, the only advantage of catching up on it late was the fact I didn’t have to wait for updates, because it’s so good I’d go crazy, like I am now. Kyne is an accountant in a big company, all she wants is to do her job and mind her own business. Really. Give her her papers and peace. That’s all she’s asking for. So of course she’ll get something else - a rumour she’s dating the daughter of the company’s boss. But Kiara is hot and nice and seeing her laugh makes Kyne’s heart do stupid things, so what the hell. One thing she doesn’t know is Kiara’s past, and that might complicate a few things. I don’t know Kiara’s past either and Zyan won’t tell me and I’m going crazy here. Come join me in my misery - the way her characters are written makes it all worth it.

“countless chances” by @essenceofhall - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

IT’S A HARLEY QUINN/POISON IVY AU, PEOPLE. And it’s blowing my mind. The characterisation in that fic is immaculate - it’s like original personalities of Ivy and Harley were mixed with something very, very original, and it’s owned - done so surely and with so much craftmanship - they feel organic as Crystal and Gigi. This fic is the best way of creating an AU based on existing characters I’ve read, and with a lot of certainty I can say that it will remain as the best one. It’s pure brilliance. I am blown away. Impressed beyond the point of expression. 

“Blue Neighborhood” by @imalwaysaslutfordrag - lesbian AU, a series of astounding one shots, in progress

I’m probably actually exaggerating how much of a mess it is, but at the same time I am almost constantly internally screaming over my relationship status and the wonderful people that are mixed up in it. I won’t give names for the sake of privacy, but to help keep things more coherent I’ll call them A and E.

(some of you will probably be able to work out who they are, but ah well)

(also, for the record, all three of us live in completely different countries and have never met in person yet)

So... I’m technically single. Technically. I do not have a confirmed Significant Other or Others, I’m not dating anyone, I’m not in a romantic relationship.

Technically

At the same time I’m quasi-engaged to A. This is after having a squish on them that turned into a crush as we grew to be close friends over the past 2 years, encountering several bouts of serious heartbreak and hurt (one of which was the result of me asking them to be my official SO and them, after two weeks of avoiding the discussion and flip-flopping, saying no), and a generally messy relationship on a number of levels. But I love them dearly still, and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

The quasi-engagement started as an almost-joke? I really want to get out of Australia. I really really want to get out of Perth specifically. Too many bad memories. So A joked about me coming over and marrying them for the visas and I, the fool with the crush, immediately accepted the idea. This was about... 6 months ago now? I’d mentioned before that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them, and we were saying ‘I love you’s on a more than daily basis, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue, but still.

So we’ve been talking about it for ages now, and A has been saying to their friends that they’re engaged, and I’ve been using the whole thing as my happy thoughts, and together we’ve been planning things like geode cakes and who gets to be the ring bearer and stuff. Yes, there’s been a few hiccups... including a point where I started looking for engagement rings and A slightly... freaked out. We’re still kinda on cautious terms in regards to it, which just confuses matters more.

And then there’s the situation with E. 

....situation might not be the right word to use there, it makes it sound like a bad thing when it’s really not. E is probably the best thing to happen to my life so far and I don’t think I’ve ever made a closer or faster friend. We are extremely alike and mutually supportive and help each other cope with life far better than we’d ever manage alone. I think we’ve only come close to actual disagreements twice. One of those was a slight misunderstanding that was quickly resolved, and the other was the result of my jealousy/hurt/anger because of something else, and we still talked through it as best we could.

I love E more than anything.

(And A, if you’re reading this, please don’t get jealous. You’re still the one I want to marry)

Lately E and I have been having a bunch of conversations. Neither of us really feel anything specifically romantic towards each other, but when we say ‘I love you’ it tends to be not entirely platonic and a little more nebulous. As in ‘No romo, but I’d totally kiss you’ and then things have evolved from there.

So that puts me in the position of wanting to smooch both my best friends. Both of which are happy for me to use them as an ‘Oh, sorry, I’ve already got a datemate’ excuse if anyone tries to hit on me, and honestly, that’s how I already see them.

Because there’s also the option of, rather than one or the other, I just pick both. And I am entirely happy with that. Where I’d ideally like to be in 5 years time is living with both A and E in a small flat in London in an odd polyamourous relationship where cuddles are plentiful and we go out and watch street theatre on the weekends.

The only issue with this is that they’re both a liiiiittle jealous of each other over me, but dammit, they need to learn to share.

I, personally, already consider them both to be my SOs. I spend the vast majority of my days talking with them, I love them more than I can voice, and I would go to the ends of the earth and back again just to make either of them smile. They are both extremely significant to me so I don’t know what else to call them.

I mean, other than my best friends. That’s something that won’t change. If your SO isn’t your best friend (or at least one of your best friends) then you’re not doing it right.

But yeah

Whenever someone asks my relationship status, all this and a billion other things run through my head. But I’m still technically single.