#tfawts

this is set in tfatws era but i watched thunderbolts and i am fuckin feral for bucky once again

thunderbolts* spoiler free! | fem!reader

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Life since the blip had been difficult for so many people. Readjustment for those who came back was no easy feat. You were around during the blip, fortunate enough to have not endured that feeling. The extent of who and what you had lost, however, was insurmountable.

Most notably for you, Bucky Barnes. 

Bucky was your best friend, someone you had met years ago under the most random of circumstances. With him, it was slowly getting to know one another before it hit you both like a truck. When you had first met, Bucky was a little reluctant to open up and talk to you about anything, but after a few chance meetings and one deliberate all-nighter in the local park, he knew you were someone he could trust. That you wouldn't just leave him.

Soon, you knew all about his past and what he had been through. Bucky told you everything one day after he came to you having had a rough night. Sitting him in your apartment, you let him just talk to you, just to clear his mind. Bucky's head was often filled with dark clouds, and you seemed to be the only around him who could chase them away.

His sunshine, his soare.

It warmed Bucky's heart that you had gotten along well with Sam, too. Never would he say it out loud, but Sam meant a lot to him and Bucky was glad that you had found another safe haven in Sam. You'd met Sam's family, his sister Sarah and her kids. You'd be found some days playing on the dock with them, laughing and running around to keep them busy. Bucky's eyes softened at that sight, and it was a memory that stuck with him for a while.

It stirred something in him to see you playing with AJ and Cass without a care in the world. Kicking a football around or racing them from one end of the path to the other. The times where you would tell them tales at night as they relaxed, it all felt domestic to him. Bucky thought he had no right to think that given that you weren't even dating, but he couldn't help how it felt in his heart.

"You know, I'm really proud of you, Bucky," you said to him one night, as you both lay looking at the stars. "You've come along so much, and I know you still have a long way to go but I am so happy you've managed to make it this far."

Bucky turned his head to look at you. "Couldn't have gotten here without you, doll."

Meeting his gaze, you smiled softly and grabbed his hand, just holding it gently. You returned your gaze to the sky and let the silence surround you both again. Comfortable and safe. You'd never felt so cared for and he had never felt so protected. It was a beautiful balance of feelings, something neither of you had been particularly accustom to through your lives.

Sam used to tease you both a little, always asking when the wedding was or if you'd finally gotten your feelings out under the sheets. You'd swat him away with a laugh, but it was a thought that played on your mind often. 

You knew your relationship with Bucky was far from normal, but not so much in a bad way.

Bucky treated you with so much care, so gentle with you as if you might break. You knew his past had something to do with that, and you knew he feared that The Winter Soldier was still there. He wasn't a killer anymore, he didn't do any of that willingly anyway. But, Bucky still had the doubt that one day he might be the reason you got hurt. So, he treated you like glass, like the most precious thing in the world. 

His touches were fleeting, and ever so soft. When he would hold you whilst you watched a film, his fingers would idly trace your sides or your arms. When you went for walks in the park, his protective side would wrap an arm around you to keep you safe. Often when you felt a little anxious or your own bad thoughts started to worm their way back into your mind, Bucky was there to make sure everything was okay and ground you with tender touches. You relaxed under the cold feeling of his metal hand, letting you know he was there and he wasn't leaving any time soon. 

You cared for that man. Fuck, you loved that man. 

Times could be hard, and they were now. Sometimes, he would be gone for long periods of time and you understood why. His work was important, and you knew that Sam would keep him in check whilst they were gone. 

"I've got him, okay? Don't you worry, I'll get one of those kid leashes if I have to," Sam would always joke with you before they left for big missions. 

You laughed back, but your words were all serious as you gave Sam a parting hug. 

"Thank you, Sam. Please bring him back to me."

Bucky heard your words as he rounded the corner. He smiled softly, seeing you in Sam's arms and knowing that even if something did happen to him that you would always have someone to protect you.

I'll always come back to you, doll, he thought.

Bucky thought about you often, and it was times like these that he realised more and more each day that he loved you. He was sure it was love. His time in Wakanda and watching T'Challa and Nakia's relationship work had made him see just how similar they were to you both. And fuck, it made him miss you so much more. 

Bucky craved you. He wanted to be around you all the time, to laugh with you at stupid comedies on the tv. He wanted to experience that feeling of you running your fingers through his hair as he lay on your lap every day. The silly walks to the pier for ice cream, or the long nights eating junk food and complaining about the world. Every good thing and every bad thing. 

Bucky wanted it all. 

Bucky wanted it all with you. 

His own doubts stopped him from ever telling you those feelings, it was easier in his eyes to just keep them to himself. He couldn't risk your life just to be able to kiss you, to feel your lips on his. It wasn't worth the danger involved, no matter how much he wanted to. To come home to you at the end of the day and to just envelope you in his arms, letting the stress fade away would be all he needed. 

After a particularly rough mission, Bucky came back with Sam to his sister's house. Sarah welcomed them in, hot drinks already provided on the table. They'd been gone about a week or so,  unable to contact anybody back home to let them know they were both okay. Sarah was just happy they were back and safe.

As they regrouped, Sam was the first to speak.

"AJ and Cass not here?" he asked Sarah, and she nodded. 

"They're staying at a friends house for the night. Get em' out of my hair. They're at that age where they just annoy the shit out of you but you love them anyway."

Bucky chuckled and Sam acknowledged his sister with a smile. Sarah held up a cup to Bucky and he looked confused. 

"I have one, thank you Sarah. Appreciate it."

She shook her head. "It ain't for you. Your girl is out there in the garden. Take it to her, she'll be happy to see you."

Bucky's eyes lit up as Sam and Sarah shared a look. Finishing his drink, he took the other cup graciously from Sarah and headed outside. Sam shook his head and let out a little laugh.

"That boy is down bad, I'm telling you."

As Bucky opened the back door, his eyes fell straight onto your face. 

Jesus, she's so beautiful.

You were looking out onto the water, no hair covering your face. Sitting cross-legged and in an oversized hoodie and track shorts, you looked at peace. Bucky assumed you hadn't heard him come out yet, but wondered how not to startle you. He debated leaving you be, but something in his heart pulled him towards you. 

As he approached, he could hear you humming to yourself.

"Hey, nice night, right?" Bucky kept his voice low and your head spun round to see him.

"Bucky?" It was half a question and half excitement. You were so happy to see him.

He placed the cup down and smiled at you. You turned back to the water and he frowned. That wasn't like you at all. Normally, you'd rush to him for a hug, so to see you down didn't sit right with him. Taking a seat next to you, Bucky turned his body fully towards you.

"Somethin' the matter doll?" 

You instinctively curled into yourself just a little, but enough for the super soldier to notice. Your hands were inside your sleeves, a distinct sign to Bucky that you were feeling off. He knew you didn't talk much about your feelings at the best of times, but now it seemed worse. 

"Just been thinking, Buck," your voice was as steady as you could make it. Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, a gentle squeeze encouraging you to talk. He heard you sniffle, and he knew then that your emotions were running high. Still he didn't interrupt as he waited for you to speak.

"I just," you started, trying to find the words. "I've been thinking so much about you."

"Me?" he asked. "Have I done something?"

"No, well yes. Kind of? Not intentionally, probably. I just get so sad when you're not here, and you're not here a lot these days. Don't get me wrong, I understand entirely why you aren't always here, and that's okay. I'm not complaining about it. But the more time you're away, the worse I start to feel. Like a part of me is missing."

Bucky took your words in for a second, a small smile lifting one side of his mouth. He understood your exact feeling because he felt it too. 

"Does it feel like part of your soul is gone?"

You nodded at him in agreement. "Yeah, yeah it does. Exactly that, Buck."

Bucky scooted a little closer to you, looking out onto the water himself. Allowing himself a small breath, he tried to figure out what to say and make it intelligible enough for you to understand. Bucky couldn't understand his own feelings, but he was hoping by voicing what was in his head out loud might help.

There's no time like now, he thought. 

"I feel that, too. All the time. You know I always think about you when I'm away, about how much I can't wait to be back with you. I miss your touch, I miss your voice. It's even worse when I can't call. I keep a picture of you with me on every mission, you know?"

It was your turn to look at him, your eyes falling on the super soldier looking more soft than ever in the candlelight. 

"You do?" your voice was shaky, and he chuckled a little. 

"I do," Bucky replied, reaching into his inside pocket and pulling out a folded photo. As he handed it to you, your hands opened it carefully to reveal the picture in question.

It was you and Bucky sat together a year or two ago at a party Sarah threw for Cass' birthday. Sam wanted you to be there and by default, Bucky too. In the photo, you were sat in Bucky's arms which were wrapped around your waist. You were looking at him and laughing, and his eyes were looking into yours, that boyish grin you had come to adore on his face. It struck a memory for you, and you smiled up at him.

"Bucky.." your voice was adoring with a hint of embarrassment. "That's so sweet. You really keep this with you?"

"I never go without it. I would turn a plane around if I ever left it on my dresser."

For a brief moment, you just let yourself look at him in disbelief. He cared that much, so much that he couldn't do his job without knowing you were with him in some way. 

"Hey doll, come here."

Bucky opened his arms for you, and you instinctively crawled onto his lap. Your legs either side of him, you let him wind his arms around you as you rested against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, you felt his hand slowly start running through your hair. You relaxed, letting that happy feeling rush through you that Bucky was back with you.

"I've missed you, Buck," you said, voice low and quiet as you didn't want to disturb the moment.

Bucky smiled into your hair, lifting your chin up to look you in the eye.

"You feelin' better now I'm here?" he asked, and you nodded. Furrowing your brow shortly after, Bucky laughed and answered your pending question before you could ask it. "I can tell when you aren't okay, sweetheart. You get all sunken in, and disappear under your biggest clothing. But now I'm back, you seem to be a little better. I notice when you're not good, even when you try to hide it."

"Super soldier senses?" you asked with a laugh.

Bucky shook his head with a soft smile. "No, because I love you enough to care."

Your breath hitched as he leaned in, waiting by your lips to give you a chance to pull away if you wanted to. There was a small fear in Bucky's heart that you would run, but he was pleasantly surprised when you answered with your own lips against his. The kiss was tender, but told the both of you every feeling harbouring inside the other. It was passionate but not overwhelming.

Bucky pulled back first, lingering in front of your face still with his eyes closed. You were breathing laboured, trying to regain your composure. You couldn't believe you'd just done that. You'd finally kissed Bucky Barnes.

"Well," he spoke against your lips, giving you another small one. "This is certainly something I wasn't expecting tonight."

"You almost sound disappointed," you teased, and he held you tighter to him. Bucky's hand ran up and underneath your hoodie, the cool metal of his hand against your hot skin was a welcomed feeling. 

"I'd be a fool if I was disappointed you'd kissed me. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Then why didn't you?"

Bucky looked at you with sad eyes, and you wondered if you had said something to upset him. Before you could enquire, he answered in such a low voice that you might have missed it.

"I'm afraid I might hurt you."

Taking his face into your hands, you ran your thumbs gently across his cheeks, his eyes still looking at you as though he might cry. Your whole faced softened, and you made sure he heard your next words.

"Buck, listen to me. I know you're afraid of the Winter Soldier, and I know you worry that parts of him are still in there. But that isn't you anymore. You have never been anything but gentle with me, and to be honest with you, I haven't felt safer with anyone else. I love being around you because I feel protected and cared for. You aren't afraid you might hurt me. You're afraid he might hurt me."

Bucky's chest rose and fell a little faster as he took in what you were saying, and he bit his bottom lip slightly. You knew he was fighting his inner feelings, and you tried to bring him back to you once more. 

"I love you, Bucky. I have done for so long. I am not afraid of you, nor am I scared of the Winter Soldier. Because he doesn't live in you anymore. You're such a wonderful man, you're the only man who has my heart. I couldn't love anyone else even if I wanted to."

"Fuck," he whispered out, sitting up and pulling you closer into him. His hands ran up your back and into your hair as he buried his face into your neck. You held him, hoping all of that would sink in and destroy that doubt in his mind. "My soare..."

Bucky's words trailed off as he lost himself in you, pressing kisses gently to your skin. You let out a small gasp, more akin to a gentle moan and you felt the smile against your neck. He made his way up your jaw, one hand wound into your hair as he met your lips once more. This kiss was searing, Bucky making sure that every feeling he had for you came through as he deepened it. 

You disappeared into each other for what felt like forever, before Bucky pulled back to stare at you with hazy eyes. 

"Are you sure about this, about me?" he asked, but you nodded before his question was even over. 

"Never been so sure about anything. I want to love you for the rest of my life."

"Me too, doll. I've got you."

You both stayed together and watched the night come in, before drifting off in each other's arms. You were the first to go, and Bucky noticed you had gotten heavier. He smiled, kissing the top of your head. 

---

The first time you noticed it, was during a stormy night which you had spent curled up in your bed with Bucky, reading a book while he was lying by your side, his head on your chest and his right arm looped around your waist. Eventually, you decided to turn down for the night, and seeing as Bucky had not moved for the past hour or so, you were careful as you put your book down and turned off the light, assuming that he had fallen asleep. But as you gingerly shimmied down on the bed he looked up at you and you gave him an apologetic look, thinking you’d woken him up.

“Sorry, Bucky, I just wanted to lie down so we can turn in for the night.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his head as you settled on your pillow. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You didn’t, Sweetheart. I was about to drift off.”

“You could have if you were tired, Love. I wouldn’t have minded.” You soothed, lips moving down to his cheek. “Why didn’t you?”

“Better safe than sorry.” He sat up and you watched as he reached up to detach his vibranium arm before putting it down close to the bed and lying back down next to you. “Now we can finally settle down.”

His words made you still in your movements, a terrible suspicion dawning on you that painted a lot of his previous actions in a completely different light. Bucky usually preferred to hold your hand with his right one and always had you sit by that side. During intimate moments he never touched you with his left hand and solely used it for keeping his balance. Every time you shared a bed he detached his arm before settling down. You had always assumed that it was simply more comfortable to sleep without the metal arm weighing him down and had it not been for his words you would have continued to think so but now you knew that this was not the only reason.

Bucky was afraid of hurting you with his vibranium arm.

For a few seconds, you mulled over that suspicion, thinking about how to breech the subject, how to assure him that you trusted him not to hurt you, to talk about his fears. But you were at a loss and when Bucky turned halfway back onto his stomach, head settling on your shoulder and face buried at your neck as his right arm looped around your waist you decided to not speak up about it for now. Bucky was exhausted from a long day and you wanted to offer him the comfort and safety he needed. So you just wrapped your arms around him and buried your nose in his hair.

“Sleep well.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his head. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Bucky mumbled back, voice soft as he held onto you tightly. “Sleep well, Sweetheart.”

“With you by my side, I always do.”

Against your skin, you could feel his mouth turn into a smile and despite your worries, you felt grateful that he was at the very least smiling and that he seemed comfortable. But his words still circled your head. Bucky was afraid of hurting you with his metal arm and he was actively going out of his way to keep it away from you. You wanted nothing more than to prove to him that his worries were unfounded but you didn’t know how to go about it -- and even if you did, you knew he wouldn’t believe you.

When the next morning rolled around, waking you with the rays of sun that gently fell in through the curtains and had long since chased the rain away, it only took your thoughts a few seconds to circle back to the previous night. A frown overtook your features as you once more thought about what to do but before you could come up with an idea a hand reached up to gently carass your cheek.

“What’s got you frowning first thing in the morning, Doll?”

You looked down at Bucky and gave him a soft smile. “Nothing important, don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t too heavy, was I? I keep telling you that if me sleeping halfway on top of you is too heavy you have to tell me so I can move.”

“No, that’s really not it, I swear.” You said, chuckling softly as you shook your head. “If anything I like having your weight on me. You’re like my personal weighted blanket.”

Bucky leaned up to kiss your cheek before he slowly sat up and you admired how his body stretched in the warm sunlight, outlining his features. For a moment you allowed yourself to smile at his domestic moment with your partner. But when he reached for his arm to reattach it to where it hooked into his shoulder all the concern from the previous night came back and once more you thought about what to do to ease his worries. You still knew that he would not believe you if you simply told him these things but perhaps it was worth a try to show him that you did not share his worries even in the slightest. So, you decided to make it your mission to prove this to Bucky.

---

You tried to show him that you were not scared of his arm just about half an hour later after you had gotten out of the shower and found him making breakfast in the kitchen. Since the two of you had a date at a current exhibition at the local museum planned for the day Bucky was preparing a quick breakfast, cutting some fruit up, and setting the table with all the things he knew you liked. He was currently cutting up an apple into slices when you entered, his back turned to the door, and you quietly made your way toward him before draping yourself across his back though you still made sure to make enough noise so that he would hear you approach and wouldn’t be startled.

“Thank you for preparing something to eat.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek before you moved around and embraced his left arm, leaning your head against the metallic shoulder of it. “What do you say? Should we bring lunch with us or should we try to find a place to eat while we’re out?”

Bucky froze a little as you leaned into his vibranium arm and quickly turned around, leaning against the counter, subtly but effectively turning the arm away from you with his right side now facing you. “I say we go find something while we’re out.”

“Are you looking forward to the exhibition?” You asked with a smile, trying to ignore his actions so as to not make him uncomfortable. “I know you’ve been very interested in space travel lately.”

“Can you blame me?” Bucky joked, returning your smile. “I recently learned about how much further we have come in terms of space travel in the last decades. It’s really amazing, I have to say.”

“I’m not blaming you at all. I’m really interested in it, too, and I think your interest in science is really charming.” With another small kiss on his cheek, you moved away to sit down at the table. “Your excitement about it is quite frankly adorable.”

“Adorable?” Bucky chuckled as he sat down opposite you. “I am far from adorable.”

“I’d beg to differ. When you smile in amazement at a piece in the museum or your eyes light up when you get to listen to someone’s stories of space travel you’re so sweet that I can barely handle it.”

“What can I say? I’ve always been interested in science, even back in the fourties.” Bucky smiled softly as he began to eat. “Steve and I would go to science fairs, exhibitions, and museums all the time.”

“Tell me more about that, please.”

---

You hoped the museum would give you more opportunities to show Bucky that you were not afraid of his vibranium arm, planning on trying to hold his left hand or onto his arm. Unfortunately, you found that you never got the right opportunity to hold onto his arm because you never stood in one spot long enough to cuddle up to him and you never had the chance to hold his left hand because he kept the guide to the exhibition clutched in that one. You resigned to try again later and simply enjoyed your date with your boyfriend, smiling at his excitement and interest, reading all the informational signs, and looking out for the things you had encountered on the few space missions you had been on.

“Can you believe we’ve been in one of these before in actual space?” Bucky asked as you made your way through the recreated interior of a space ship and you knew that he was referring to your latest mission where the two of you had set out on a spaceship to an old abandoned space station where you had been getting important documents from. “It’s amazing when you think of it.”

“What a coincidence. I had the exact same thought just a few seconds ago.” You grinned as you turned to him. “It always seems unbelievable to me.”

“I honestly find it hard to believe, too, but I have encountered many unbelievable things in the past few years.” Bucky mused with a small smile, looking back at you. “Want to continue on? The next room is a display of our galaxy.”

“Let’s go.”

The two of you entered the next room, a big hall that had holograms of all the planets in the known galaxy projected above the visitors who were able to circle the model of the sun placed in the middle of the exhibit on a metal walkway. You and Bucky walked on the metal walkway, looking at the display, stopping next to the hologram of Earth and looking up as the voiceover talked about the newly discovered planets in the galaxy. Gingerly you reached out to grab Bucky’s left hand, squeezing it with yours as you leaned into his side a little.

As soon as your fingers closed around his, Bucky pulled his hand back and rounded your body. You watched his movements with a small frown but you couldn’t help but smile softly as he held out his right hand to you, flexing his finger in invitation and you took his hand, holding it tightly as you once more leaned into his side, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. But Bucky seemed to have caught your frown because he sighed softly, keeping his eyes firmly on the exhibit as he spoke.

“Sorry, Sweetheart.” He whispered. “I’d rather you hold my flesh hand.”

“There’s nothing to apologise for.” You said softly, deciding against speaking up on his worries so as to not ruin the date for him. “I simply want you to be comfortable.”

Bucky was quiet for a few seconds before he changed the topic. “Do you like the exhibition? I think it’s really interesting to learn about all the ways space travel has changed and hear about the new planets we’ve made contact with.”

“It really is.” You agreed, going with his change in topic and offering him a playful smile. “And I enjoy seeing you so invested and excited about something. You can be such a nerd and I love it.”

“And you’re any better?” He teased right back, giving you a sly smirk. “You’ve read every informational sign there was to read.”

“I’ve never said I wasn’t just as big of a nerd.” You chuckled, leaning your head onto his shoulder. “That’s why we get along so well.”

Bucky smiled and pulled you into a gentle kiss, his right hand settling on the small of your back as he leaned into you. All you could do was reciprocate, your eyes fluttering shut just as his did. He pulled back all too soon but he kept his forehead leaning against yours as he sighed softly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you just as much.”

---

It was three days later that you noticed how big Bucky’s concerns were once more. He still took his arm off when you slept in bed with him and avoided having you hold his left hand every time but you really saw his fears when the two of you shared an intimate moment. You were in Bucky’s lap, his right hand on your hip, guiding your movements. His face was buried at your neck, nipping and kissing the flesh there as you held onto him. His hand tightened on your hip and the metal one clenched the headboard behind him.

You moved your hands from his shoulders, intending on trailing them down his body but as you took them off him you lost your balance and tipped backward. Bucky reacted quickly and brought his left hand around you to catch your fall, holding you up by your upper back, stopping his previous movements, and looking at you in worry. Tipping backwards so suddenly startled you and you gasped in surprise. And just as you did Bucky froze, eyes going wide in what you could only describe as horrified guilt as he pulled away his left hand, switching it with his right to pull you back into a sitting position.

When he was sure you wouldn’t lose your balance again he pulled back all together, gently coaxing you off him and physically withdrawing from you, face scrunching up in concern. You got to your knees, getting closer to him again, feeling worry rise in you at his actions. While you knew he held back from touching you with his metal arm this extreme of a reaction to accidentally touching you with it was concerning. But before you could speak he did.

“I am so sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I am so sorry that I hurt you.” Bucky explained quickly, getting to his knees and placing his right hand on your shoulder to turn your upper body around so he could see your back. “All I could think of was not letting you fall. I didn’t think this through and I-- I caught you with the vibranium arm and-- and now I’ve hurt you.”

You were quick to get onto your knees and bring your hands to his shoulders, making him look at you. “Bucky, I’m fine, I swear. You didn’t hurt me at all, I promise.”

“But you gasped. It sounded like I hurt you when I caught you.”

“Bucky, you didn’t hurt me.” You assured him, looking at him in earnest. “I gasped because I was surprised at falling. If anything, you caught me and probably stopped me from actually getting hurt. You did not hurt me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” You assured him and leaned over to press a gentle kiss to his temple. “You could never hurt me.”

Bucky opened his mouth but then closed it again, deciding to remain quiet and instead simply drew you close to him, bringing his right arm up to hold you sightly. You had a suspicion about what he had been planning to say but you said nothing and simply wrapped your arms around him, climbing into his lap to cradle his head to your shoulder and Bucky took a deep breath before he spoke again.

“Can we simply cuddle tonight?”

“Of course, we can.”

“I’m sorry for ruining--”

“I’m not even going to let you finish that sentence.” You interrupted, keeping your voice gentle. “You haven’t ruined anything and you could never ruin anything by not wanting to sleep with me or needing to stop in the middle of sex. Do you understand?”

He nodded against your shoulder. “I understand.”

“How about we cuddle up under the blankets and simply watch a movie?”

“Depends.” Bucky drew back to give you a playful smile and that was enough to ease your worries a little bit. “Will there be popcorn?”

“Of course.”

---

Bucky’s terrified reaction to thinking he had accidentally hurt you didn’t leave your mind for days. You made sure to assure him that you felt absolutely safe with him and eventually he started to relax again. Your routine continued as usual until, after a small mission, Sam came over for a visit to celebrate everyone’s safe return. The three of you had eventually ended up watching a movie on your sofa after dinner -- one that Sam had suggested because Bucky hadn’t seen it, yet.

As the movie went on you inched closer to Bucky, wanting to be close to him after a rather hard mission. So while he was engrossed by the movie you reached out to lift his left arm up and put it around your shoulders. It took Bucky a few seconds to react and he moved his arm away from you, resting it on the back of the sofa before looking at you.

“Would you mind switching sides with Sam?” Bucky asked softly, a frown on his face as he looked at you. “Then I can hold you all evening, Doll.”

You looked at him for a second, worry overtaking you as you once more saw how worried he was about touching you with his vibranium arm. “I don’t mind staying on your left, Love.”

“Sweetheart, I’d be more comfortable if you moved to my right side.” Bucky explained quietly before turning to Sam. “You wouldn’t mind switching sides, right?”

Sam’s worried eyes locked with yours for a second before he looked back at Bucky. “Of course not.”

With that, he stood and the two of you switched sides, Sam on Bucky’s left now and you on his right. Bucky extended his right arm and you gave him a soft smile before leaning into him, embracing him as he pulled you close to his side. The three of you continued to watch the movie but all you could think about was how worried Bucky still was about touching you with his metal arm and wondering how you could prove to him that he didn’t have to be. When the move was over and Bucky left to put the dishes away you couldn’t help but speak to Sam about it, wanting to hear someone else’s thoughts on this whole situation.

“How do I help him with that?”

“With the dishes?”

“No.” You rolled your eyes a little, annoyed by him not immediately understanding the issue but also somewhat understanding the miscommunication. “I mean how do I help him with how scared he is to touch me with his metal arm? It seems like he’s scared to hurt me with it.”

Sam looked at the door to the kitchen before nodding. “Now that you say it he really seems a little concerned about it.”

“He is more than a little concerned, Sam.” You said, sounding more worried by the second. “He keeps me exclusively to his right side, he won’t touch me with his left hand and he panics whenever he accidentally does so.”

“Really?”

“Last week he caught me with his left arm and went into a downright panic, apologising for hurting me multiple times.” You recounted the event that was still present in your mind before sighing. “I really want to help him see that I am not afraid of him hurting me and that I trust him completely but I don’t know how. Do I just tell him? Do I show him? How do I show him?”

Sam thought for a few seconds before sighing softly. “I would continue doing what you’re already doing -- telling him you don’t mind him touching you with it, showing him that you trust him and just reassuring him when he overthinks.”

“You think that will be enough?”

“He’s made such great progress and you helped him with that. I can’t remember the last time he was so relaxed and smiling so much.” Sam reassured you with a soft smile. “You help him a lot.”

“I just worry about him.”

“I think that he’s spent so long thinking of his arm as nothing but a weapon -- even after he got the vibranium one -- that it will simply take him some time to realise that it’s not inherently dangerous.”

His words got you thinking for a few seconds before you nodded. “That actually makes a lot of sense.”

“Of course, you should respect it if he feels more comfortable not touching you with his left arm, but you could always simply talk to him. If you think bringing this up will help, then sit down with him, tell him that you feel absolutely safe with him, and reassure him.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Anytime.”

“What are you two talking about?” Bucky asked as he walked back into the room, chuckling a little as you and Sam turned around in perfect unison. “That synchronised head turn is pretty creepy, you know?”

“Should we stand at the end of a hallway like the twins in The Shining?”

Bucky gave you a questioning look. “I don’t think I’ve seen that movie before.”

“We could watch it right now.” Sam exclaimed before smiling a little as he came up with a quick excuse as to what you two had been talking about. “We were actually just wondering what movie to watch next.”

“Then let’s watch that movie.” Bucky said and sat back down, pulling you close to him. “It’s a horror movie, I assume from context, right? Won’t it scare you, Doll?”

You chuckled and kissed his cheek. “Horror movies don’t scare me. Besides, they are nothing compared to the bad guys we fight on a daily basis.”

“Will you get scared?” Sam grinned at Bucky, giving him a teasing look. “If you end up scared in your partner’s lap, I will laugh at you. I hope you know that.”

“I don’t get scared that easily.”

“We shall see.”

---

After your talk with Sam and deciding you should speak to Bucky about his fears, you waited for the right time to do so but when it never seemed like the appropriate moment, you sat down next to him on the bed one quiet evening. The slight drizzle outside had forced you to stay in that day and Bucky was reading on the bed when you came inside. He looked up from his book to give you a small smile but when he saw your serious expression he put it down and sat up properly.

“Love, what’s wrong?”

“Can I talk to you?”

“You can talk to me about literally anything.”

You nodded and sat down on the bed next to him. “I’m gonna say it straight out because I don’t want to beat around the bush and honestly, I’m unsure of how to approach this subject. I realised that you are worried or afraid to touch me with your vibranium arm and I need you to know that I am not scared of it or worried you’ll hurt me with it.”

Bucky looked at you for almost a full minute before he seemed to have concluded what to say. “Doll, I really appreciate you telling me that you’re not afraid of-- of my arm and that you’re speaking up on this because you worry about me but I-- I know how strong and destructive this arm is. It was built as a weapon.”

“But it no longer is. You use it to help people, to protect them. I just-- I mean, just on the last mission we were on you saved a whole elevator full of innocent civilians by holding it up until they could be evacuated.” You tried to reason. “I know it’s hard for you to believe and I understand that.”

“It’s hard to realise that. I know that I help innocent people and I know that what happened to me wasn’t my fault, trust me. After everything that happened, I’ve learned that.” Bucky said before sighing deeply, taking your hand into his right one. “But that doesn’t change the fact that objectively speaking the arm was designed to be a weapon, that it’s capable of terrible things and could hurt you even if I don’t want to.”

“Anyone is capable of hurting people, metal arm or not, James.”

“It was designed as a weapon.” Bucky repeated and you realised how mentally caught up he was on that fact. “A gun is still dangerous even if it’s not inherently bad.”

You were quiet for a second, gaze dropping to his vibranium arm. “The arm you have now wasn’t designed as a weapon, though. You got it in Wakanda, not at a Hydra base. The scientists there gave it to you because they trust you not to hurt anyone.”

“Yet they put in a mechanism that allowed them to detach it with the press of a button.” Bucky said, eyes dropping and tearing up just slightly. “And I don’t blame them for not trusting me completely.”

“I do.” You said in earnest, squeezing his hand with both of yours. “I trust you blindly, James. Please try to believe me that I trust you completely.”

Bucky looked up at that, teary eyes meeting yours before he pulled his hand away to wrap around your shoulders and pull you into a tight embrace, burying his face at your shoulder. You quickly hugged him back, bringing a hand up to cradle his head.

“Thank you, Love. Your trust means the world to me.” Bucky whispered into your shoulder, voice tight with emotions. “But I still know that the arm could potentially harm you and I mean-- I would feel better if I weren’t touching you with it.”

“That’s alright.” You said softly, holding him tightly. “Whatever you need is alright. I just noticed how scared you were and I wanted you to know that I trust you.”

“Thank you.”

---

A new mission coming along shoved all your remaining worries to the back of your mind. Now infiltrating a base of previous HYDRA agents to retrieve secret files was not an easy task but you and Bucky had encountered hurdles far bigger and together you had always managed to overcome them. It took a while but eventually, you two were rushing to your getaway car, dodging bullets from the former agents while you kept the files safely clutched against your chest.

Bucky threw open the car door and got inside while you slid across the hood of it to get to the passenger side. Once you were inside, he hit the gas and took off, tires screeching against the concrete and you gripped the back of the seat to keep yourself steady as he swerved around a building to get away from the abandoned warehouse the former agents had holed up in. As you buckled up he turned to you for a second.

“You okay, Doll? No injuries?”

“I’m fine. How about you?”

“Me, too. Let’s get out of here.”

But before you could there was a loud bang from underneath the car and before you knew what was happening the vehicle flipped over. Everything went by in a blur. The car landed on the roof and when you opened your eyes again you found yourself hanging upside down from your seat. Bucky unbuckled himself and was at your side in an instant, worry etched on his face.

“Are you alright?”

“Mostly fine. What happened?”

“I think they threw a bomb underneath the car. I know I did it once back under HYDRA’s control and the whole car flipped over like ours did.”

You were about to answer when a shot was fired at the car and pierced through the back window before the bullet lodged itself in the back of your seat’s fabric. Bucky pulled out his gun and you tried to free yourself from the seatbelt just to realise that its mechanism had been damaged in the crash, leaving you unable to unbuckle it. Anything you could have used to cut yourself free was out of reach and so was your gun. Panic rose in you as you turned to look out the window to find one of the agents approaching your getaway car with a rifle in their hand.

They aimed at your head and fired. Fully expecting to be hit you turned your head away, not able to move much due to the seat belt still holding you relatively in place. You knew that even if you moved your upper body, the agent would still be able to hit you if they just slightly readjusted their aim, so you closed your eyes in anticipation. Then suddenly a metallic clang echoed through the car and when you looked back toward the window you found your sight obstructed by Bucky’s vibranium arm.

He had blocked the bullet with it. He had saved your life.

Then he fired at the agent that had shot at you, sending them to the floor. Quickly, he used the vibranium arm to yank your seatbelt from where it was fastened to the car and free you. Once out from your confinement, you grabbed your gun and helped him shoot at the agents to take them out.

And soon enough, all of them were down just in time for your backup to arrive. Both of you were quickly helped into the other car and then you were off on your way, Bucky sitting next to you in the back of the SHIELD van. When the van had started driving off and you two knew you were safe, Bucky turned to you.

“Are you injured, Love? They didn’t hit you, did they?”

“No, they didn’t.” You said, taking his left hand into yours and before he could pull it back you shook your head, speaking up again. “You saved me. You say the arm was designed as a weapon but today it saved my life.”

Bucky looked at you for what felt like forever but was realistically not more than about a minute before his vibranium hand squeezed around yours, eliciting a small smile from you. He was slowly realising that his arm was more than a weapon and seeing that it had the potential to protect the ones he loved. You knew that holding your hand was a small step forward but it still meant moving in the right direction.

“Thank you for saving my life, James.”

“I would always save you. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

---

A few hours later found you and Bucky at your place, reclining on your bed and watching a movie on your laptop. Bucky was still working off his list of things he had missed, the idea having been something he’d picked up from Steve a few years earlier, and this evening you two had decided to watch a movie that he had yet to see. The blanket was draped over the two of you and Bucky’s right hand was settled on your hip, thumb gently rubbing your skin. With the adrenaline of the mission wearing off, Bucky right next to you, and the sun setting outside you felt your eyelids growing heavy. The movements of your left hand that had been running up and down his right arm were faltering now and again. Your head kept drifting onto Bucky’s shoulder before you brought it back up to watch the movie.

But eventually, your exhaustion combined with his gentle ministrations made you drift off, head coming down to rest on his shoulder and body snuggling into his side. Had you not been so exhausted from the fight you would have noticed that your head had fallen onto Bucky’s left shoulder, left hand coming up to wrap around his biceps.

You were awoken a few minutes later by a loud noise coming from the television, immediately followed by Bucky quietly swearing and the volume being turned off. Blinking your eyes open, you turned your head to look up at him and he gave you an apologetic smile.

“Go back to sleep, Doll. I turned the volume down. You can rest.”

With another soft smile you snuggled back up to him, your cheek smushed against the cool vibranium of his left arm and your hand once more holding onto his biceps. It was a few seconds later that you realised you were holding onto his left arm and you tilted your head up to look at Bucky. When he saw your head turning he examined your face, taking in your thoughtful expression.

“What are you thinking about, Doll?”

“I’m leaning against your left arm.” You whispered, running a finger up the biceps of said arm. “Is this really alright for you? As I said, I’m not afraid of you hurting me and I trust you completely, but I know that you don’t really like touching me with it and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You were right, earlier in the van.” He said softly, eyes flicking to the window so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact. “Had it not been for my vibranium arm, you might not be here right now. And it made me think about all the things you’ve said about the arm beforehand.”

“How so?”

“The arm was meant to be a weapon, the one from Hydra most definitely, and even the one I got in Wakanda had the potential to be used as one. But you were right about it not being used as one anymore, or at least not outside of fighting bad guys.” Bucky concluded, eyes flickering to your face once before focusing back on the window. “It helped me save you and it helped me save many others before.”

“I’m glad you’re starting to see your arm as something other than a weapon.”

Bucky turned back to look at you before resting his cheek against your head. “It’s something that’s been ingrained in my brain for a long time, though, so please give me time, and don’t be upset if I’m ever withdrawing from you or afraid to touch you.”

“I would never be upset with you for that, James. Why would you even think that?”

“Because you always get so sad when I talk negatively about myself or the arm.”

“That’s not because I’m upset with you. I understand that it’s hard to see a part of yourself that others have misused as a weapon as anything but that. When you say things like that it makes me hurt for you.” You explained softly, bringing a hand up to cup the cheek that wasn’t smushed against your head. “And I know you don’t like people pitying you but that’s not what I’m doing. I love you and I hate seeing you in any sort of distress.”

“I’m doing much better now.” Bucky promised quietly. “I mean, I’m far from fine and I still have nightmares and fears and the like, but I’m so much better than I was before and I will get better in the future. So please don’t worry about me too much, Doll.”

“James, take one look at me and tell me that you think I’d be able to not worry about you.” You joked, earning a small laugh from him. “You know me too well for that.”

Smirking a little at your joke, Bucky reached out to turn the movie off and flicked the switch on the bedside lamp. “Still, please try not to be too concerned. You’re helping me an awful lot, I hope you know that.”

“And I hope you know that every step you take in your recovery, no matter how small it might seem, is something you can be proud of. I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come.” You closed your eyes then, cuddling up to him. “And I trust you with all my heart.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. That’s on you for being trustworthy.” You whispered. “But is it physically uncomfortable to keep the arm on while sleeping?”

“No, with the new one, it’s not. The old metal one was heavier and could get uncomfortable but this one is fine.” Bucky said with a smile before kissing your head as you snuggled closer to his side, your head moving to rest on the junction between his vibranium arm and his shoulder, allowing him to wrap his left arm around you. “Thank you for everything, Love. I love you so much.”