#tentips

So over the past 4 years I have learned a few valuable lessons. Some

learned through my own mistakes and some through others mistakes.

But believe me when I say that I am no college expert but here are a few

tips that I believe are beneficial for the whole college women student

body.

1. You only have 4 years (maybe 5) to use the “Im in college”

excuse, so use it.... overuse it.

2. Don’t be too cocky and buy everyone’s late night meals, because

believe me when you wake up and check your bank statements

to see that you spent 47 dollars at Adolfo’s, you wont feel as

generous as you did last night.

3. Friends>Boyfriends...that simple. Don’t get it twisted.

4. The infamous freshman 15 is the REAL DEAL. So don’t let it be

the Sophomore 30.

5. Your dad isn’t around anymore, don’t be useless; Learn how to

change your tires and jumpstart your car.

6. Your mom misses you. Call her.

7. Remember that when tequila is involved something bad usually

happens. Drink tequila anyways. You’re in college, remember?

8. If a guy wants to buy you a drink, let him. It isn’t a marriage

proposal; don’t look too far into it.

9. At the end of the day no one cares what you wore to class. Let

leggings be your best friend, be comfortable.

10. Keep your priorities straight; you’re here to graduate right?

So go to class maybe you’ll learn something...or maybe you’ll meet a

cute boy.

10 tips for making deals brought to you by the dealmaker company

Dress to impress (but only during games) -  Like any woman, the wifey likes a well dressed, good looking man for a hubby.  Next time the game is on, get into the bathroom a few minutes early for a shave and a scrub.  Come out looking and smelling your best!  Put on your nice pants.  Lastly, DO NOT WEAR YOUR RATTY ASS JERSEY…but do bring it out when she wants to watch the Kardashians after the game.  Some subtle reverse psychology never hurt anyone.  

Do not dress your lil’ one up in sporting attire - The only thing worse than you in a jersey is her firstborn child in a jersey.  Let her think that the lil’ guy might still grow up the strong, sensitive type and not buy into the barbarity of sports fandom.  You can get him outfitted once he’s a pre-teen when mom’s lost all hope.  

Turn up the volume during commercials - Yup, that’s right….turn it up!  If you’ll notice most of the commercials during games are beer commercials.  These beer commercials often feature better versions of you (i.e. beer drinkers who are better looking, skinnier, hipper and with more friends).  Let the wifey be hypnotized.  Eventually she will think you are on your way to this kind of awesome life.  So long as you keep her watching she will never give up hope that you might eventually be this cool!  These commercials are like drugs…very potent if corralled and used to your advantage. 

Go see live sports outside - Sports on TV and sports outdoors are two very different experiences.  When you are at home you are still reminded (often by the wifey) of the dishes in the sink and the dog shit in the backyard.  When you are at the game all those responsibiities are forgotten as you cram your ass into a tiny, wet seat next to some drunken idiots with a crappy view of the game.  Somehow this is more fun for wifey than watching you cuss at the TV from the couch.   

Take an interest in women’s sports - Once in awhile watch a WNBA game or look up a women’s soccer game on some backwoods cable channel.  The wifey will take note that you appreciate and honor women’s athletic abilities.  By the way, this doesn’t work with Beach Volleyball.  She knows why you’re watching that.  

Have a meaningful conversation on the social issues that surround sports culture during halftime - Nothing reenergizes the wifey for the second half like a nice halftime conversation on the socio-economic impact sports has on a struggling urban community.  Draw connections to sports and a city’s ability to stay relevant in today’s changing demographic.  Make the conversation richer by taking the lil’ guy off her hands for a spell…pour her some white wine…give a shoulder rub.  It’s only 15 minutes, you’ll survive.    

Make sure the game you want to watch features a universally recognized beautiful black man - The wifey is keen on beefcake sporting icons like Mike Tomlin, Dwayne Wade and Reggie Bush.  No biggie.  I can watch the game while she hunks out….it’s a win win.  If your game does not feature such a person then bring up the strange phenomenon that most white athletes are super ugly (see Dirk Nowitski, Richie Incognito and Peyton Manning).  It will make for a good laugh.  Again, win, win.  

Make sure the team you want to watch has a reality television star in their lineup - The wifey will undoubtedly make a connection with the game via this player.  It would help to do some research on the show and bring it up in conversation from time to time.  As a Denver Broncos fan I have the privilege of checking out Eric Decker’s show: Eric and Jessie.  I do not watch the show, but I have done a little mindful research so I can bring it up casually from time to time during Broncos games.  "Hey hun, how’s the wedding preparations coming for Eric and Jessie….I missed that last episode?"  It shows you care about her television interests.  

Control your temper when your team loses - This is a no brainer….but often the hardest to follow.  She already thinks you’re a neanderthal so don’t make it worse by huffing and puffing about how the ref made a shitty call.  Suck it up, suppress your rage deep within and you will live to see another game.  

Do not watch Golf, Bowling, Boxing or Auto Racing…ever - This is a deal breaker.  You will likely be divorced by year’s end if you try it.  Items 1-9 on this list do not apply in these instances…you are on your own.   

Good day,