Bed Head Beautiful

If you want your Sunday morning to be filled with profanity, screaming toddlers and stress induced bowel movements, buy Discovery Kids Construction Fort Set, now available at Bed, Bath and Beyond for the low cost of $19.99. 

Whenever daddy has the task of watching the boy all by himself, he usually takes him to big box stores and buys him crap that he’ll play with for more or less 10 seconds.  Such is the case with our latest purchase.  Here is our story.  

The boy and I decided a trip to BB&B would be a perfect outing for a father/son getaway.  We were actually looking for something specific and they didn’t have it – another story.  We did however find the Discovery Kids Construction Set that looked hella-fun!  Forts?  Uh…yes please!  Credit card!  We came home and immediately pulled flimsy plastic sticks and hard foam balls out of the Discovery Kids box….giddy with excitement.  Let’s keep in mind that the boy’s excitement is only triggered by my false, manufactured excitement.  I was taking cues from the perfect family on the cover of the box.  I’ve learned to do this well.  

All 77 pieces were laid out on the floor ready for whatever creation our father-son bond could imagine.  We began.  I put one flimsy stick to one foam ball and I became instantly livid.  It didn’t fit.  How the holy hell does the fucking stick not fit in the fucking hole?  Isn’t that principal the most important concept of this entire thing…that the stick fits in the hole?  But I couldn’t give up…I was role modeling perseverance to the boy and this was a teachable moment.  With enough flimsy stick wedging, a little knife whittlin’ and some whispered F-bombs, I made a connection.  2 pieces (out of 77) were now seemingly connected.  Meanwhile, the boy had turned his bedroom into a American Gladiator cage of projectiles.  I was clearly on my own from here on out.  For the next 2 hours I put together and tore apart three versions of what I thought might be some sort of fun play thing.  I’m not sure what the boy was up to during this time but I do remember boxing him out with a stiff elbow on occasion.  Sorry son, you can’t stop a man on a mission…slow your roll!  How’s that for a teachable moment?  

Behold…

Note….the boy is nowhere to be seen….that’s a coupla’ alpha male lions at work right there.  Moments later, when I draped the sheet over the structure, thereby completing the project, the flimsy sticks began to pop off as if it were a planned demolition.

There are no pictures post collapse so you’ll have to use your imagination….and this gif.  

Long story short….the Discovery Kids Construction Set makes for ungodly frustration, piss poor parenting and an alpha male lion rage that will send the ‘ol blood pressure thorough the roof.  

Discover this!  I give it a F+.