#teal dear

50 days of writing about what turns me on:

1. Pocketwatches

2. Trance Face

3. Being "Period Angry"

4. Teacher's Pet (Being "Good")

5. Needy and Greedy (Feeling "Forbidden" Emotions)

6. Dapper Gals

7. Slow Dismantling

8. House Special (Doing the Play the Other Person Feels Best/Most Experienced At- Or Enjoys the Most)

9. Conspiring/Plotting

10. Denial/Orgasm Control

11. Being "Hot" (Looking Pretty/Attractive to Someone)

12. That First, Delicious Moment of Sinking into Trance

13. Casual Fucking With

14. Resistance Play

15. Evocative Hypnotist Smiles

16. Connection in Trance

17. Kneeling

18. Pleasure Conditioning

19. Homework

20. Involuntariness (Feeling Like Things Are Happening without Conscious Volition)

21. Evil Therapist Tropes

22. Skill

23. Attention (Having Someone's Attention)

24. Innocence (And Being Corrupted)

25. Relaxation as a Pathway to Arousal

26. Almost-Telepathic Rapport

27. Incredibly Deep Trance

28. Oral Fixation

29. Amnesia/Memory Play

30. Strong/Buff Women (and Rasslin')

31. Being Clever

32. Being Taught or Coached

33. Dominance

34. Witchcraft (Witchy Tropes)

35. Camp

36. Fucked Up Ageplay

37. Covert Hypnosis and General Hypnotic Sneakiness

38. Intentional Vulnerability

39. Keeping it Simple

40. Accents

41. A Touch of Patronization

42. Bad Hypnosis

43. Team Ups

44. Dissociation

45. Voice Changes (and Hypnotic Voices)

46. No-Win Conditions

47. Begging

48. Comfort Kink

49. Partner Enthusiasm

50. Words

It's strange- I thought when I finished this I'd have a very clear picture of my sexuality and what turns me on. Looking at the list overall, it feels pretty piecemeal. It's hard to sum up something as vast and quirky as "what I think is hot" with a list.

Still, I'm glad I wrote it. My goal was to write a spontaneous entry every day and doing that gave me some insight into both how I was feeling during different days and how different fetishes feel exciting at different times. It also helped me think deeply about what turns me on about some of my fetishes and why they're interesting to me. I may add entries past 50 if more thoughts come up. (The 50 was always an artificial limit I posed on myself anyway.)

As I was writing, I felt like I was covering a lot of switchy interests and being very conscious of the ways I enjoy play from the bottom and from the top. The entries felt pretty balanced between top and bottom as I was writing them. I even tried to make them more balanced- when I wrote a bottom-leaning entry, I'd try and write a top-leaning entry the next day. However, when I look back, there are about 24 items I enjoy primarily as a bottom, about 14 I enjoy primarily as a top, and 7 that feel 50/50 pure switchy. (The rest don't really neatly fall into top/bottom/switch categories.) That's more lopsided than I anticipated. I don't know if that signals I'm more of a bottom-leaning switch or if it's the result of having recent new, exciting bottomy play with a new partner and fantasizing more about that. I wonder if my list 6 months from would be different.

I'd be curious if any of you out here have thoughts on this list. Is there anything that's surprising? Anything you want to ask about? Especially if you know me well- is there anything obvious I'm leaving out?

A lot of my fetishes are pretty switchy but this is something I only like when topping. Some of my best dominant feelings come from putting someone in "no win" conditions- psychological predicament bondage. 

A partner reminded me of this earlier today when they mentioned a scene we did. They helplessly fell into trance anytime they were more than 3 feet from me. ("Psychic" leashes=super great.) I had them follow me, made them kneel, then commanded them to follow me again- while practically sprinting away. When, I woke them back up from their inevitable trance, I had them apologize profusely for "failing" to keep up, making sure they FELT really, really sorry in the moment. 

The apologizing was the best part- the mindfuck of having someone apologize and FEEL deeply apologetic in the moment about something they had no real control over. I wouldn't do this with everyone- it takes the right partner- but this play is great, especially mixed in randomly with giving difficult but do-able commands. 

The best versions of this- and I haven't done as many of these as I'd like- look like "forces" in stage magic. Forces are stage magic tricks where it seems like audience members have multiple options but in reality there's only one real choice.  (Good article here- https://discovermagazine.com/mind/use-the-force-how-magicians-can-control-your-decisions…) Setting up a good, subtle force in play is something I aspire to- I feel generally way too obvious about my no win conditions when I have them.

 Having the no-win be obvious is it's own fun too, though- as well as forcing an apology when someone knows you're being deeply unfair just because you can. Similar to this, I also love making someone beg for something-and then making them beg for the opposite thing over the course of the scene. The nuances of how this can feel are so varied- genuinely convincing someone they want the opposite thing over the course of a scene, having someone know they want the opposite thing but they're compelled to beg for what YOU want anyway because being obedient feels more important, giving someone the "passenger in their body" feeling of wanting to beg for one thing while their hypnotized mouth begs for the opposite, etc.  I'm not particularly sadistic as a dom but this kind of emotional play is DELICIOUS.

 Since I'm writing about this on my public blog, I do want to say this kind of kink can get into heavy gaslighting and abuse dynamics (apologizing about something you have no control over is  incredibly common in abusive relationships) so I'd encourage people to know themselves, know their partner, and be very thoughtful about safety/risk here w/this play. 

Bratting tends to make me uncomfortable (any sort of "no" will usually make me back off really fast) but in the framework of negotiated resistance play I really love the permission to get a "no" and push. I love to cajole and trick and seduce and surprise and really pull out my whole bag of tricks to crack someone's trance like a safe. (I think @misscammiedawn has talked about playing a trickster and- yes that. I love that.)

I'll even play this game with someone who is pretty conditioned to fall for me- "I want you to resist as hard as you can because you know I want to see you struggle and fight hard against me. And you know that when you finally fall into trance it's going to feel so good that you gave me all your resistance and I was still able to wear it away. It feels even better to let go after you've resisted so well". Watching someone give in so gradually and slowly is really sexy in and of itself-fighting against you and fighting against themselves (but, y'know, not TOO hard).

I've fantasized about doing resistance play as a subject but I just... don't have the skills to do it yet. I can't maintain the internal reality that I'm resisting and the reality that I'm going into trance at the same time. The closest I can come is during a switch fight if I lose my wording for a moment I might kind of stop resisting because SOMETHING is affecting me and losing is fun. :) But I'd like to figure out how resistance play would work for my brain and be able to play with it on the subject side too. It seems like a tricky mental balance- I admire subjects who are able to do it and enjoy it.

If you have any ideas on how you make this work for yourself, please share them!

Also BONUS

Resistance Play Fics:

Hideout: https://www.readonlymind.com/@ellaenchanting/Day19Hideout/

Fighting- https://www.readonlymind.com/@ellaenchanting/Day21Fighting/

Resistance Play Files:

Resisting the Top-

Just controlling the fuck out of someone. You think what I tell you to think, you know what I tell you to know. If I say something's hypnotic, it's innately and irresistibly hypnotic. If I want to take your attention or arousal or mood and move it around in a way that most amuses me, I will. I can change what you want in the blink of an eye. I can make you enjoy or not enjoy what's happening to you with a few words- and I can toggle you back and forth between ways of being just as easily.

Just because I want to.

Specifically, hypnotic tone changes. There's something so sexy about the way people will often talk when they're hypnotized- a way that's usually softer and more distant-sounding. Often slower. It's like an echo of hypnotist voice but without that level of command. Still them but recognizably altered. I'll often have people repeat things back to me or recite mantras and the variations of how that can sound are pretty revealing as well- how someone's voice sounds when they're reciting something fervently vs blankly vs breathlessly with desire vs in awe. How a mantra can sound different when it really seems to kick in or someone finds a particular word important.

I'll often get turned on when I'm responding in that way myself - hearing how different my own voice is and how hypnotized I sound. A very sexy convincer.

Hypnotist voice is also pretty sexy- the way it's often a bit quieter and gentler and lulling has given me FEELINGS for as long as I can remember. Hearing the shift into that is hot -and the significance of that.

NOW we're doing trance.

Right now.

With the right person, the tone of voice will give me shivers outside of what the actual words are. For example, this video doesn't have the best hypnotic language (it's meant as more ASMR roleplay) but the quick change in his voice about 2 minutes in is so erotic to me. The flip into whispery and soft and deeper feels mmmm perfect- a voice like a careful slow touch. Heavenly.

One of the best parts of being in a long term kinky relationship is the part that happens between scenes. Sometimes that looks like flirtation. Sometimes it's a partner taking something I've written and using it to threaten me with a good time.

Sometimes it's reaching out to poke at someone's brain just because you can. For example, I sent this poem to a subby partner yesterday out of the blue "Roses are red/violets are blue/I know that this text/will hypnotize you". It worked. :) (Unsurprising- part of our relationship is that everything works)

Now- there's a lot of knowledge of partner and safeties and time we've built into our D/s to get to the point where something like this works and feels safe- wouldn't recommend universally- but it's a wonderful power rush to just casually reach out and tweak their brain in this way. It feels affectionate too - like sending someone a text to let them know you're thinking of them. It feels flirty- like I'm pulling his pigtails. I'm also so grateful that there's someone out there who genuinely enjoys being fucked with in exactly the same way I like to fuck with someone- who shares and understands all the dimensions of it. It's really rewarding and hot to have that in my life.

It's the cross feelings of "Oh, I adore this person, so I want to be really nice to them. And to do that, I want to be very mean- to overpower them in an unexpected way that we both want to work- just to show them that I can do it whenever I like."* A power trip in the best way. Scintillating.

There's a lot I could write here that I won't but- this kind of thing feels like the height of corruption for me- the same way people have strong feelings about religious roleplay. A therapy session is such a vulnerable, open time and the idea of someone using that trust and those skills and that power in a corrupting way is delicious - like dark chocolate. Fun because it's SO wrong. I think the most twisted version I've done has been ageplay as an evil hypnotherapist secretly making someone's childhood hypnokink more intense- and playing around with a lot of grooming themes. Definitely not for everyone and obviously not ok irl but- that kind of sweet and dark can hit just the right toppy space for me in a scene.

BONUS RECS:

I made this kinda silly "evil hypnotherapist" file here- http://soundcloud.com/ella-enchanting/hypnotherapy

Script here if you want to read that first (it's a bit spoilery though- https://at.tumblr.com/ellaenchanting/evil-hypnotherapy-file-the-script/owv2p16nm3eh

I think Clinical Consultation is my best evil hypnotherapist story- https://readonlymind.com/@ellaenchanting/ClinicalConsultation/

Confidence is practically a scene log of how this play might look- https://www.readonlymind.com/@ellaenchanting/Day27Confidence/

Another, less evil hypnotherapist story here-

I really like this take from @sex-obsessed-lesbian -

And this really dark one from @jukeboxemcsa- https://mcstories.com/FleshForFantasy/index.html

There's something so hot about brute forcing a connection between pleasure and whatever you want someone to associate that pleasure with- manipulative in the best ways. It can be as simple as the classic "the deeper I go, the better I feel" to building little reward-for-obedience triggers to "touch yourself when you read this story/listen to this file/read my messages to you".

I'll mention giving someone new fetishes in another entry but- that idea and this one are pretty tied together.

It's fun to play with this in non-sexual ways- for example telling a friend that when I hypnotize them, I want it to feel like I'm giving them a big hug.

It's also a nice dominant power move to utilize and grow pleasure feelings that are already there- oh yeah, you like this thing? I'm going to REALLY make you like this thing- maybe even to the point of making you feel a bit helpless against it. Can you even remember how much you liked it at first vs how much I MADE you like it? Etc etc etc.

Bonus pleasure conditioning recs:

Darker story I wrote for Hypnovember here-

@jukeboxemcsa has a ton of related stories on his Tumblr- check out the #mind conditioning and #pleasure conditioning tags for lots of great content.

Sinister Denial has some good related files on her Patreon and through the Mesmerotic Institute series here-