#teacup12

a story about you:

Changing roast

fold my emotions into your back pocket and carry all of my love with you wherever you plan to go and if this life that’s short and temporary is all that we have— may your sky be cotton candy stained by sweets left from more rain, fire left by less pain, a troubled smile but you are still brave enough to bear with the pain of losing someone close. you always eat too much sweets before reading all of my words, i don’t mean to spoil you rotten, i just don’t know how else to love you. and maybe that’s where i’m at fault. all of my honey and sugar left on your lips, all of my poetry plans to forever read like this, a swoosh, a panting, a painting, a swirl, a spin, a dance, a moment, a dream— it’s all that i am. love, that’s it for me.

it’s another cold day, there’s chaos in the street, there’s nightmares scaring your nightmares, your favorite songs hitting different when you’re alone, your warm days still seem rather cold, your favorite letters hitting different when they’re not here. it’s another cold day, there’s loneliness on your bed, there’s a hunger in your belly even after you’ve eaten breakfast, coffee doesn’t do it, caffeine, you won’t feel it. it’s another cold day and you’re still here. living proof to keep going, the stars are out again, you’ve been shopping for dreams when god asked you about heaven, why are tears always warm? cold showers in the middle of winter, thoughts of you are distant, i keep asking the stars to fall, maybe shoot a few wishes my way, i keep asking my scars to fade faster, let me love anyway. slow dancing in the dark to some of my favorite songs, i don’t want to fuck up my life, just listen to some joji and cool off. it’s another cold day, but you still have to keep going. i don’t mind if you’re angry at me, i don’t mind if i’m angry at myself. these things just happen. do you ever wonder about what could’ve been? do you ever ask the sun for a little reprieve? do you ever ask the moon for a home? all of my songs hit different when i’m sad, my hands hit different when they shake, i wish for a lot of things, i pray for a lot of things too. thanks for always having my back on my bad nights, i wish you found a piece of yourself and found peace within yourself. i pray for those two things quite often, it’s okay to be sad, but we still have to keep going, i’m not afraid to let go, i’m afraid to not know— may all of your thoughts come from a clean and safe place, i’ve been sending all of my good vibes to you, may your heart be safe and sound today

our reality constantly clashing with our expectations, like december rain turning into snow that i never got to see, like your winter blues i should’ve called and told you a few things. our days drifting along with the clouds all of my summertime wishes calmly sleeps next to my emptiness. did you sleep well the other day? have you made any progress with finding your wonderful smile to be all yours? things i’d love to say to you, words i can’t muster up, just another breeze carrying my dust away. do you still love where love counts? imagination of being awake, all of my dreams matter most when i’m asleep, but i’d love to be awake for all of this. all of my dreams are silently watching my behavior, i haven’t really been a good friend to you and that’s my fault. too stubborn to say i’m sorry, too arrogant to accept that i’m not gentle with you, too prideful to neglect myself, too realistic to see things through, not enough patience for the nights that we could not see one another, if forever was something i could fold into my back pocket, i would’ve sent all of my letters back to you, i know that i write pain well, but my window panes are busted and i’m tired, i miss you, but i need you to need you more. all of my memories slipping into comatose, where do lovers meet of lover’s lane is closed? i’ve burned too many bridges and sometimes sinking doesn’t fit well with my plans— have you been sleeping well? always know that i’m proud of you, i know we haven’t really been speaking, but i’ve always seen your genius and i know the others will see it too. for all of the normalcy that you may feel, i know better. you don’t function like them, you really don’t. i see it in your eyes, i hear it in your voice when you speak about things that you love and are passionate about. never let them hear your plans, never let them know your dreams— you will achieve a great deal of many things and no one can laugh at it if they don’t know. you are full of things that i’ve always believed in, and you will do amazing and beautiful things in this life. please sleep well and take care of yourself, may your stars guide you home

you have to be comfortable inside of your own skin. i know most days it’s going to be hard for you to accept that. these things were never meant to be easy for everyone. don’t compare yourself to the next person because you can and never will be them, they were right. you’re you. you will always be you first and last. no one else. and you. you are beautiful. all of your mistakes that make you more like who you shouldn’t be ever again. all of your rights that make you more like who you should always be. all of your actions will speak louder than your voice ever could. all of your whispering and shouting, do it with actions. if you pluck a flower, press it. if you don’t know where to start, go deeper. go into a dark place and realize that the light will always be the final destination because when you hit rock bottom— it’s true. the only way out is up. the only way out is to want out. do you want to reach that unlimited potential? do you need a reminder? it so, this is it.

always on the tip of my tongue, a song that i once sung, sometimes i feel kissed like two suns colliding and the horizon is a secret that all lovers share, but the pain of separation is too much to bear. loving someone is always fun, but once it’s serious we melt our wings together and fly to the sun, candle wax lips with your burning hands, too much for my palms, just sing me a song— if love was one big ass sing along, the world would opt out of the trauma from not knowing a love as great as the one that we shared, but we’d share it anyway. inside of a poem, inside of a home, inside of a heart, inside of lost art, inside of a painting, inside of pain, inside of a thing that we lost to the sea, inside of a love that even we couldn’t see, to love all that i was, to lose where i’ve been seen, to crush everything on my way down, the weight of my sorrows shall not harm my tomorrows, and if i apologize and never got a chance to help you realize that my apologies only look good on paper, if i could tape my paper heart right on top of yours and call my poetry a heartbeat meant for two, would you say that you’d love me too? i have felt too much rain hit my paper soul, tearing at the seams, i don’t feel whole. i took some shrooms and i haven’t quite been the same since, my senses return to me, all of these things wonderful things that i could not see about myself, all of these books upon my empty shelves, i am a shell of my more toxic love, i am freedom, a pair of wings made to melt, i am icarus tortured by curiosity, i am medusa suffering from the vanity of my beauty inside of a kaleidoscope soul i have forsaken all tropes that lead me home— as i hit my bed and my body turns into sand, the hands of time catches me once more and i am left with all of my metaphors and run-on sentences inside of your hands, right next to the sun, inside of that horizon, inside of your anxious smile, inside of your awkward laughter, i got to know love and nothing thereafter

This is teacup13, please read this before you ask me where she is. I love her and this is her current poetry blog. So yes, here it is. Send her lots of asks about poetry, yes? No? Okay!