I started off the year at Hogmanay in Edinburgh. It was madness! Started off very fun but then my sister-in-law and I got trapped in a stampede for a few minutes but somehow...somehow, we got out and all was well. At midnight we watched the fireworks and silently vowed to celebrate indoors next year.
I didn’t make any new year resolutions as my ‘new year’ really started when I made the move from China to Dublin last month. My goals right now are basically just to confront this identity crisis that I’ve been avoiding. What our elders say seems to be right...being in your 20s kinda sucks because you’re always trying to figure out who you are and where to go. The only way through is forward and am determined to make it to my ‘place’ in the world.
I am back in Dublin now and the search for employment has begun. True to my apparent wandering nature I have sent job applications to places like London, New York and California in addition to here in Dublin. I’ve been here for over 3 weeks now but I still don’t really feel ‘at home’. I enjoy learning how to navigate the city. I enjoy observing the people here and the way they live. Somehow I am not particularly attracted to it and I don’t find myself wishing to become a part of it. Still I feel like it’s the right thing for me to do, to try to become a part of it at least for a while.
My first two job responses have been from California! However they don’t seem to want be after they realise they will need to sponsor my visa. Today I got a call from a recruiting agency here in Dublin. I am going in for a meeting tomorrow and I’m excited. Excited that things seem to be moving for me already. However within that excitement I’ve detected a hint of apprehension over going back to work and over settling for work here.
Am I going about this in the right way?
Why can’t I simply love it here?
Why do I still feel like I need to get away?