The Journal of a Wanderer

After a summer of working and studying, you could hardly call it a time of rest. I started school with no expectations. I was still disappointed. If you haven’t noticed from my previous posts, school is an area where I do not feel as if I belong. Fellow teenagers can have that effect on others.

I try to focus on the opportunities I have at this school so here’s an update:

Radio: I’m the only one who showed interest in the class which is a good and bad thing. The good part is that I get to work at my own pace. The bad part is that I have to produce and write my own show. Even the advertisements and announcements take work to produce. I’m getting very good at audio editing which could be helpful in the future in some way. By the end of the year, I’ll be a master but right now I have to go listen to about three hours’ worth of PSA’si

Biology Teacher’s Assistant (TA): At the beginning of the year I used to have two study halls but soon that was changed and I was left with one. I decided that since I would not be in the AP Biology class due to class schedule difficulties, I would have to get my Biology fix some other way. Currently, I’m grading tests and quizzes. I now understand that teachers dislike giving tests and quizzes as much as students dislike taking them.  

AP English and Advanced Algebra: Ugh. So much work and so little time. I have definitely met my match.

Working at a Dry Cleaner’s: It takes up my Saturday afternoons but I have fun and make money. The other employees are really friendly and we have a good time going through people’s dirty laundry.

Class Vice President Candidate: I’ve consistently been on a student government since 5th grade. This career spans those years and also about 3 countries. It’s just engrained in me to do something leadership-wise. I decided to run for vice president because being a president could be a little too much for a newbie. Speeches are in a few days. I feel pretty calm about it and hope this peace continues up to the day before.

I’m also involved in various other activities that help me connect with the students at my school and help me prepare for college. It’s going to be a pretty packed year but don’t worry. I will be writing still!

While perusing through various news stories, I came across a Huffington Post article titled, “Middle School Bullies Are Tough. They’re Even More Tough If You’re A Syrian Refugee.” Could they have come up with a shorter title? Probably; however, their use of long titles shouldn’t distract you from the real truth hidden in this article. The “Immigrant Crisis,” as some call it, is one of the biggest political challenges in this day and age. Many Americans have yet to realize that this is a challenge North America is facing also. This is not just a European problem.

The article is the fourth part of a series of articles written on one Syrian refugee family and their obstacles as they face daily life in the US. They are just one of the millions of families stranded due to war and political unrest. In this recent article, descriptions of their encounters with other children in their new New Jersey school began to mirror mine. I have recently moved to the US from West Africa after spending all my life in various Middle Eastern and African countries. It is said that we are the most globally connected generation; however, I believe that we are still quite ignorant of the outside world. I can understand why people support building a wall and preventing any immigrants from coming into their country. People are afraid of what they don’t understand.

I know that children are quite mean in middle school, especially to someone that is of a different culture. Believe me, I know. I can relate to Hajar and Nabiha Darbi who are learning in a different language because I did that. I am disappointed that things have not changed since my time in middle school. I am also disappointed that I have experienced some similar things recently; for example, sitting by myself in a friendly teacher’s classroom because eating lunch with fellow students feels intimidating and frustrating all at the same time. This is what I have done for almost every lunch period since I moved here in January and I’m 17. I expect high school students to be a little bit more sympathetic than middle school students. I look like an average American, have American parents and an American accent but my childhood and experiences are quite different and so those alienate me just as the Darbis’ clothing and accents alienate them.

To those of you who have never been uprooted from your homes, you are quite fortunate. Everyone of us has moved from one place to another, either from one school to another or from one street to the next. Moving to a different country is hard enough without having to deal with your home country in turmoil and the idea that you may never see your home again. I implore you, if you encounter a refugee or their family please be kind. They survive on the kindness of friendly teachers and neighbors. Be sympathetic and patient. You were new once too. 

1. Things that you thought mattered, don’t three years from now. 

2. People you thought mattered, don’t three years from now. No, you don’t miss them. Okay, maybe when it’s 2 in the morning and you’re sad but not generally speaking. 

3. Some friends will last despite the distance.

4. New opportunities open doors which means that you should take chances. They’re worth it. 

5. Parents do things that you don’t understand when you’re 13 but you do when you’re 17.

6. Being able to write down your thoughts allows you to see how you’ve grown. 

7. Time heals wounds.

8. There are silver linings.  “I see no silver lining. Maybe one day I will...”

9. Relationships with friends go through ups and downs but the good ones end up staying. “My life’s relationships are in shambles.”

10. It’ll be okay. 

11. You’ll be doing things in three years that you’d never thought possible and you’ll be good at them!

12. Bad days only last 24 hours but so do good days.

13.  Life changes on a dime. Sometimes that isn’t so bad. :) 

*13 things in honor of the age I started writing in that journal. 2012-2014

Today I was able to meet up with one of my past dorm sisters. I know, that seems a little weird, and that phrase was weird to me too when I first heard it. I would say, however, that once you live with a group of girls for six months you start to think of them as sisters. I’m an only child so it made even more sense for me to think of them as such. This specific dorm sister of mine was one of my best friends in the dorm and continues to be a great friend even though we’re not in the same country. Sne’s from Maryland and so once I knew she was coming back to the U.S. for the summer I knew we had to meet up. 

We met up at a mall that was halfway between our two locations. I took the metro for the first time which went pretty well. It was great getting to catch up with her and getting all the information on how the people in Dakar were doing. We had stayed in contact over the internet but it was nice to actually see her. Of course being the responsible teenagers that we are, we had ice cream before lunch but it was worth it. We were even able to see a mini outside concert afterwards. I had forgotten what it was like to have people who could make me laugh because they understood me. I get her and she gets me. It’s an awesome friendship and definitely worth the effort we put into it. Long distance anything is hard work. I definitely treasure the friends that I’ve made overseas and it adds a dash of happiness into my life. I’m slowly making friends here in the U.S also which is great too. Someday, I hope to have a good combination of both. 

I still haven’t found a job. Actually, a job hasn’t found me yet. I’ve applied to a lot of places but haven’t heard back. Instead, I fill up my days with studying for the upcoming SAT and doing summer assignments. It’s my kind of fun. Every once in a while I get to hang out with cool people and do “cool teenage things”. 

As the school year draws to a close, there are a few things that have come about. I attended my first round of training at the SPCA and will attend the next round this Friday. I'm very excited that I have the chance to get experience volunteering there. I haven't been able to do that in other countries. It will also be a great way to relax with animals. I can't have pets due to the fact that my family's schedules don't allow much time at home. This way I get to take care of animals without having them as pets. It will also give me experience as I will probably get a pet once I leave the house. I am also going to an interview to volunteer at my local hospital. I'm hoping that through that I will be able to connect with local doctors in my area. I'm starting small because I have time to get to know people and have experience working in American workplaces. 

My softball team is winning a great majority of their games, however, we are falling apart. One girl has quit and many of my teammates are batting injuries due to their lack of stretching. They don't seem to understand that their bodies have limits and pushing them could cause permanent injuries. A few of the softball players engaged in risky behavior during school hours and so have been penalized. This led to a talk of how what we do outside of practice affects the team, as well. My standards of how much I can tolerate of school drama is quite low due to the fact I was in a boarding school that had a low tolerance as well. There are many aspects, like having multiple boyfriends in one year, that some countries overseas have not yet caught. As a result of my travels and experiences with different types of people, I have a better understanding of human nature than most sixteen year olds who are just trying to have fun. I do hope that by joining the team I can bring my standards to them and hopefully, find a good middle ground. I don't expect them to have the same ideas and morals as I do but there are just some things that they don't have to get involved in. I'm starting to get to know more people and going to this school has become something I don't dread. Being a TCK and going back to your native country is always going to be a challenge. It helps to find things you enjoy and to persevere in them. You will eventually reap those awards. You definitely sow more than you reap but the rewards make it worth it.

Being 16 in the U.S. means that you should probably be looking for a job, especially in the summer. If you aren’t then people look at you differently. This is something that most TCKs don’t have to deal with because we can’t work unless we’re 18. Here, you have to be only 16. Getting a job relates directly to driving, in that to get a car you have to have a job. Sometimes, if you are fortunate your parents will buy you a car or give you an old beat up one but my parents aren’t like that. You know all those movies where the teenager wakes up on their 16th birthday to their parents saying, “Look outside.” then the camera pans to the window where a convertible awaits? Well, that’s not reality. The reality for me and a lot of other American teenagers is that we need to work to buy a car and then maintain it.

A job and a car go together. To transport yourself from a job, you need a car but to keep the car running you need an income of some kind. I’m not going to even into the social stigma that comes with people knowing you have a driver’s license but you’re mom is still driving you around. I could write a whole post about that. Currently, I am searching for a summer job. I have applied to a Smithsonian internship program which would be a dream to be involved in but I also need a backup plan. I would like to get into a science-related job or volunteer opportunity. I have started the Red Cross volunteer application and also an application to my local SPCA. I am a little bit picky about what job I would like to apply to because that will be on my college application. I don’t want to work at a job (ex. a fast food job) that does not relate to science at all. I would like a car but I would rather work at a science-related job. Science and medicine is something that I would work in for free. I don’t have a lot of expenses right now and so I can look into unpaid internships and things like that.

In applying for jobs, volunteer opportunities, and internships, I have found that there are many secret rules that nobody really tells you. I don’t want any other teenagers to have to deal with that so here are a few tips.

1. Look at the website of the company you want to be involved in at around December for summer openings. You’re probably thinking that it is too early. It’s not. Most due dates for submissions are in January and February.

2. Have many backup plans.

3. Apply to both unpaid and paid job/internships.

4. Don’t apply to something just because your friend is doing it. Apply to jobs you know will help you personally in your field of study.

5. Always be searching for opportunities. Always.

"So if you're from Africa, why are you white?" *This is not just a personal issue. Many other TCK's have to deal with this trash (yes, trash). I am not by myself here. So I've decided after a few circumstances where this quote was spoken that I should take some time to write this out to make awareness about culture misjudgment. From people asking if we ride elephants to school to thinking that Africa is full of black people in huts, it seems the world isn't as caught up as they think they are. To be connected with other countries means that you need to understand the culture which includes knowing that lions don't roam the streets. I'm being asked these questions not by a five year old learning their continents but by 16-17 year olds who have gone through World History and Geography. What is being taught if not cultural awareness? Many live in their own American bubble and don't even care about the outside world besides throwing in "God, please help the hungry kids in Africa." before they eat. Saying that prayer isn't going to change anything. You gotta do something. So here is a line by line explanation of why that quote is completely irrelevant. Let's start with, "If you're from Africa..." I am not African. I have lived in Africa and traveled from Africa but I am just as American as one born there. The only difference is that I can apply for a dual citizenship from my country of birth. That doesn't make me any less American. This doesn't just apply to me but it applies to any kid born in another country who has American parents. Also, I must say that Africa isn't a country. You could be Senegalese or Kenyan. That is a nationality. "...why are you white?" Africa isn't populated by only black people. There are European, Asian, Australian and even some South American cultures on the continent of Africa. Many people immigrate to African countries, especially the more developed ones like South Africa. All in all that quote which is usually followed by laughter on the speaker's side is really quite offensive and I know there is a long list of things you don't want to say to TCKs. One of the things is definitely that quote. Don't ever say that to any African TCK because it shows how narrow minded you are and hurts them. Thanks for listening to my thoughts and hopefully, through writing this more people will become aware.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” - Said by every wise person ever

The good news is that I have made it into the varsity team. All that hard work, extra workout sessions and extra softball practice actually made an impact. As I start the first week of practice as a varsity player, I thought I would take a minute or 30 to reflect on what it took to make it on the team and what it means for my life moving forward. If you’re not particularly about sports or maybe don’t even know what softball is then you’re in luck. I don’t like sports and didn’t know how to play softball until about a year ago. I totally understand your way of thinking.

I’ve talked about how many American high school athletes are quite competitive and serious to the point of madness. I am quite the opposite. I am competitive, if need be, but I’m just playing softball (a version of baseball where the ball is larger and yellow and you have to wear a face mask to protect your face from getting smashed by a stray 60 m/h ball) for the fun of it. I hope by being on the team I will bring a calm attitude to other highly competitive teammates. Our softball coach was replaced with another and so I wanted to talk to our old coach. He has been a great encouragement and is the only person who understands softball who is not directly connected to our school team. Talking to fellow teammates doesn’t work because word spreads like fire. I was sitting, talking to my old coach in the library which has windows looking out into the hall. One varsity player saw it and then told everyone else. That’s an example of how paranoid everyone is. Just talking to my old coach caused a huge ripple effect. I don’t understand why the varsity players are concerned. There aren’t many people trying out to be on varsity and they are really good. That leads to my next point...

Getting onto the varsity team was quite an achievement but my journey has just begun. I have to be able to play as well as girls who have been playing their whole life and that is crazy. I am greatly motivated however, if you cannot tell by now. It’s a challenge that is helping me think of something other than transitioning. That’s pretty important. It’s my way of dealing with all my anger and sadness in a healthy way. Softball is my bridge between Dakar and the U.S. because I used to play in Dakar and am continuing that tradition here. I’m ready to tackle this new mountain and so we shall see what comes of this new adventure.

Yesterday my parents took me to look at the new house that we will be living in as a family. It’s been about 6 months or so since I’ve lived with my parents anywhere and that is a big deal. That will probably be another topic in a blog post later. This house that I will soon be living in with my parents will house our furniture. Our furniture. You’re probably thinking,  “Duh, Jasmine. That’s what houses do.” No, reader. This is a huge deal. I have not slept in my own bed in about a year and 2 months. I’ve slept in other people’s beds, bunk beds, inflatable mattresses... Nothing beats sleeping in your own IKEA bed that you have had since you were 12. As a TCK, having anything longer than 3 years is a big deal.

I could go on about how I don’t feel permanent about moving to this house because my dad could get a job and we would have to move closer to that area. I was going to do so but typing those sentences about how I miss my bed got me thinking. I really don’t care where we move as long as I have my furniture with me. That really makes it feel like home. I really miss my bed and my nightstand that I got in Jordan because it looked historic and that was when I was starting to like history. I miss my dressing table with a mirror that has seen my face change over a period of 10 years.

America is obsessed with stuff. The newest stuff, the fastest stuff, the most comfortable stuff is always advertised but no new phone is going to compare to putting artifacts I’ve collected over my life time on my bookshelf I’ve had since I was little or swivel in the chair I’ve been doing so since I was five. Nothing can beat that. I can’t wait for our container to arrive with all our furniture and boxes. It’s going to be great unpacking it and putting it into an American house because it will bridge my past with my future and that’s a very promising feeling.

As a blogger, I think I can call myself that by now, there are some questions that I ask myself before posting any new things.

What do I want the reader to know.

What do I want the reader to feel.

What do I want the reader to take away from this.

How personal do I want to get with the vast world of Tumblr.

In past blog posts, I have been personal on some issues because this is a personal blog. I don’t post feel good quotes or cat pictures or gifs. No offense to the people that do but this blog just isn’t about that. It’s about transition and how moving all the time affects a person. It’s about my ups and downs and how I get over it, eventually.

My recent move to the U.S. has been quite hard. It’s not hard in that I have to learn a new language or culture or even meet new people. I still kinda have to do that but not like I have before. I have to get used to the U.S. again because I have been to other places in between my times visiting the U.S. I think it’s harder because of pressure from other people. Now, to understand this you must know, I am the most independent minded person ever who doesn’t like having my standards set by others. My reasons for this are a whole other story which I may talk about later.

Other people here and even family members don’t understand that this is a huuuuge transition. Huge. Yeah, sure, we’re Americans but we haven’t ever lived here as a family. This isn’t normal. People, especially in our state, deal with transition a lot because of so many military families so you would think they would be used to it. Nope. I do think that more awareness should be shown towards people who move around a lot.

I’m not even scratching the surface of all the stuff us TCK’s go through. We go through a lot and sometimes I think we don’t get a lot of credit so to my fellow globe trekkers, you’re awesome. Keep wandering.

Spinning around for a while and then stopping. You still feel dizzy and unstable even though you’ve stopped. That is exactly how I feel right now. I’m in a pretty stable position right now but I still feel like I am going to move again in another month. That’s the curse of being a TCK and moving all the time. Once I get to a a permanent place, my nomadic self doesn’t get it.

School work is pretty easy and I feel good about my classes. I still have some annoying people in my Biology class that makes it slightly less appealing. I really like Biology so it is kinda sad that other people don’t have the same love for it that I do. The students at my school are really nice but it is still hard being the new kid, no matter what. It’s especially hard when I feel like I know everybody and every event and then someone or something happens that makes me feel new all over again. That’s hard.

Softball tryouts are next week and we currently have no coach. The coach who was going to coach us has to stop coaching because of his health. Any new coach will be a coach that I don’t know. That makes it even more important that I work hard on improving my overall playing. I had an extra batting lesson last Thursday that helped me feel better about my swing and overall outlook on softball. The other girls trying out for the team are not the most friendly and so it seems that I will just have to go through events with them for us to get closer. I just want to play softball because it’s fun, I stay healthy and it lets me get my anger out. Other girls seem like they are playing it for some prestige or title or even scholarships. I’m not about that life.

All in all, I’m doing okay with transitioning into the American way of life, pledging allegiance to the flag and having pop quizzes. I feel like eventually, I will be comfortable here but that hasn’t happened yet.

During the ‘snowpocalypse’ or , as others would call it, the Blizzard of 2016, I have been relaxing, frolicking about in the waist-deep snow and finishing an application for the Yes! program. I pretty much stumbled upon it and it was awesome. I follow the Smithsonian on Instagram and there was a post about a high school internship. I have been looking for this ever since I moved back to the U.S. This has been a life dream of mine ever since my love of science developed when I was younger. One of the requirements is a 1000 word essay about why I love science and what it means to me. I have a love/hate relationships with essays. I love the difficulty of it. This is probably because I love writing and solving problems. So with an essay you have to follow a format and I like challenging myself to make the format happen. This essay has taken at least 3 days to be formed and is still not finished. The deadline is in 3 days. I can do it. I love the pressure but it is quite difficult. I feel like with all my traveling and insight I will somehow look attractive to the judges.

So that is what is going on right now. I’m getting a lot of ‘feels’ as some people would say. I miss Dakar a lot right now but I’m slowly moving on. I’m in the middle of a transition and that is pretty emotional. Writing this essay and these posts have kept my emotions balanced. Having a group of people who actually support you is helpful too because sometimes you can’t just do it on your own, no matter how many blog posts you put up. That’s it for me, right now! I’ll check in with you guys later this week.

How much of a place do you leave and how much do you take with you?

This has been a question of mine since I first moved from South Africa. Included in the word place is friends, hobbies, sports, loves, memories, culture, etc. It’s not just your pride for the place or even the memories that you’ve made. It’s everything. So the question is what should you keep and what should you forget about. I don’t know if I’ve ever found an answer to that question. I’ve struggled with this, not just in who I should put effort into keeping a friendship with but also in choosing who I am. In Dakar, I was a boarding student. In the US, I’m just like everybody else. I was unique in Dakar because I was an American and even though I was in an American school just the fact I was in West Africa made me unique. People here in America think it’s cool that I’ve been to different schools but that’s it. They don’t see it as who I am but that is who I think I am. I’m a nomad and am very proud of all the knowledge that I’ve gained from my life’s experiences. So the real question is and this may hurt some people but it’s a real TCK question, “Should I change myself to fit in with the culture and people?” Sometimes this means dumbing down to fit in. I don’t want to do that because I’ll lose a part of myself in the process. However, I don’t fit in right now, mostly because I know too much. It’s not that I’m smart even though I get high grades. It’s not the fact that my school doesn’t have a lot of advanced placement classes. It’s that I’ve just experienced more than the average American teenager. I know overtime my character will change as I have more experiences in the American culture but now, fresh off the plane, I don’t exactly know how to act but at the same time I fit in great. That’s the TCK in me.

As I said before, I don’t know if anyone will ever know exactly what they should take with them. It may take time to see what I valued most about a place. As with a lot of stuff I’m going through right now, things may seem fuzzy right now but soon it’ll be clear. I just have to wait it out.

And with that wonderful statement, let’s get started. My second week went pretty well. People have become pretty open and are more comfortable around me now. I still have a few classes where I know no one and it’s still uncomfortable. My favorite class is probably English where I know most of the people around me. Every day I have a granola bar with a guy who brings five granola bars to school every day and offered me one one day. I’ve accepted his granola bar offer ever since. I’m a big inside joke person and stuff like that really makes me feel comfortable with people.

I went to my first softball practices last week. The girls going to these practices are serious about softball and have been doing it since 5th grade. I’m new compared to them. To compete as a team with them I have to work hard to get to their level. Along with working hard to keep up my grades I have to focus on sports too. I was talking to one of my best friends from South Africa and telling her about how I joined the softball team and she couldn’t believe it. That’s how you know sports was never really my thing.

I’m having a lot of fun at school, mostly because I’m getting material for this blog. For example, the other day in study hall a guy came in with a big cooler of root beer. He had dumped 4 cans into it. He then couldn’t sip from it because it would spill all out so instead he took out a straw and was sipping on his root beer the whole day. If that’s not the definition of American high school I don’t know what is. More stories to come...

Started school this week and wow, it was pretty interesting. I thought I wouldn’t have any cool stories but I do. American schools can be crazy too. I’m going to a private school but there are at least 200 students in the high school and 60 sophomores. That was transition #1. I’m used to, at most, 27 people in my grade. I like knowing everyone and so being new is a little bit tough in that regard. The school, like pretty much every American school, is enclosed. I’m used to being outside because the weather was almost always sunny. However, I appreciate the central heating because it’s pretty cold outside right now. Most of my classes transferred over with a few exceptions. I had a class at my old school called College and Careers which was a semester class and that is being replaced with Driver’s Ed. I enjoy that class a lot because it’s an online course and so we take out the school’s laptops and with the help of the manual and Google, fill out workbooks. We talk and that is the class that I’ve gotten to know most. The other class that didn’t transfer exactly over is U.S. History. I took U.S. History 2 in my old school which they don’t have in my new one. They have U.S. History which is a junior class. So here I am, in a class full of juniors who already have their little groups and don’t really want to talk to the new kid. The good part is that I love history so I don’t dislike the class.

It’s hard to make friends in the middle of the year, even though I’ve heard over and over again in the short conversations with people that they’ve gone through almost the same thing I have. Doesn’t that make you want to reach out to me? It doesn’t seem so. I have a lot of short conversations with people, who are just trying to be polite and then I never talk to them again. It will take a while to find a good group of friends and maybe by the end of the year I’ll know everybody’s name. Until then, I’m getting pretty good grades on everything because I’m just studying and not socializing.

Homecoming was last night and so Spirit Week occurred this past week. At lunch, the whole high school sat on the bleachers and had a costume contest and games. Friday was School Spirit Day which meant we were supposed to dress in school colors. I was sitting there thinking as the whole sophomore class cheered and made a ruckus, “This isn’t my school yet so I don’t have any school spirit.” That thought led me not to go to homecoming because I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it very much. Some event or people have to happen in my life for me to finally say, “Hey, this is my school.” Obviously, after one week of school, that hasn’t happened yet.

We’ll see what this week holds because I know I’ll find some awesome people and do some pretty cool stuff someday. Hopefully, that will be next week so I can have things to write about!