#tankcrusher

Starting with some doodles for the humanformer versions of both Phoenixes, Tankcrusher and Thrillchaser.

For the humanformers au, Tankcrusher and Thrillchaser are still together (There's no reason for them to break up.) and sg/Phoenix and reg/Phoenix are twins.

(The guy singing is Thrillchaser. He got a growth spurt, but Tankcrusher is still taller than him. And, this time around, Tankcrusher was the one asking Thrillchaser out. They started dating in school.)

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Just some nice looking Tankcrusher. Boy, do I love her.

It's a pity she had to die...

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I was working with expressions. If it's sg/Phoenix or reg/Phoenix is up for interpretation. (Used a picture from the internet as a reference.)

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Sometimes Tankcrusher wondered where in life she made a wrong turn. Was it, when she joined the Decepticons? Was it when she got together with Thrillchaser? Her friends did say that she should have chosen a grounder as her partner. But with her look, the grounder would have been a speedster and then Phoenix would have looked more like the mech she was currently holding down. 

Maybe the wrong turn was, when she decided to let the prime stay with them and give him the job in her bakery. If she didn’t, then she wouldn’t have to sit at the medic’s office with Rodimus in her lap, while pinning his arms to the side and making sure he wouldn’t kick or bite the poor doctor trying to see if everything was okay with him. Or maybe the wrong turn was taking Rodimus to the doctor in the first place. From what she could see, he looked fine, but her “Mama Bear Programming”, as Thrillchaser would have called it, just reared its head and made her worry, even if there was nothing to worry about. 

“Roddy, by the love of Primus, could you just calm down? The doctor won’t do anything. Not as long as I am here with you.” Whispered the femme quietly, while the doctor had his back turned to them. “The longer you keep thrashing around, the longer we will have to stay here.” Tankcrusher only meant well, when she said that, but the look she got from Rodimus made her second guess her choice of words. He looked almost scared, as if he was expecting the doctor to pull out some kind of torture device annd use it on him, no matter if there was a second in the room or not. 

Maybe that’s why Tankcrusher let out a long sigh, before she asked the doctor if he could go out for a moment while she talked with her son. And considering how relieved the mech looked as he heard that he could walk out, it wasn’t surprising to her how fast the good doctor was out of the room. “Alright…” Said the femme as she grabbed Rodimus and sat him down next to her. Keeping an optic on every possible exit way imaginable. And yes, that also involved the windows and vents. After all, if Phoenix was bold enough to escape the doctor by jumping out of a window, then she was sure Rodimus would do the same. Sometimes, the resemblance the two shared was uncanny. And Tankcrusher didn’t just mean their looks. “You’re acting like Phoenix whenever I had to bring him here, until he made up his mind to become a medic. I thought you were a grown mech, and not some little sparkling scared of the good old doctor.” Joked the femme, which oonly got a scoff from Rodimus as a reaction. 

“I’m not a sparkling…” Muttered the prime, after crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at the floor. The pattern down there was, after all, quite interesting. “But if you want to know, I just don’t like medics. Never have, never will. End of story.”

“But it doesn’t sound like the end.” Was all she said, as she placed a servo onto Rodimus’ shoulder. Giving him a comforting squeeze. “It sounds more like you want to say something, but you’re too scared because saying it would only make you realize that it’s true. That it’s part of your past and… you’re too scared to admit it, because then it would feel like you’re admitting that it is true.” Tankcrusher gave Rodimus one more squeeze, before putting her servo back in her lap. Watching the prime’s mind work on what she’s said and how it could relate to him. 

“And how would you know that?” Asked Rodimus, after a short moment of silence. To which the taller femme only laughed. “I do have a conjux who left me and my son after all. I know how it feels to pretend that something isn’t true, but… no matter how much you pretend, in  your spark you know that it’s true. That the lie you’re telling yourself is only going to distract you from reality for so long. And then, you find yourself fearing that admitting to the truth is only going to break you further. But it’s not… because you have something or someone to live for.”

Rodimus scoffed at that. “Sounds like your conjux was an idiot for leaving you and Phoenix.”

“Well, Thrillchaser has always been an idiot, but that’s why I took him as my conjux. He was…  different from the other mechs. Taking me as I am and never complaining when I loomed over him or pinned him against a wall and-” Rodimus didn’t want to hear more. No, this was too much information the mother of his adopted little brother was giving out. So, he quickly covered her mouth, before stopping out for a moment. 

Tankcrusher has a conjux, and the conjux name is Thrillchaser. And Rodimus knows a mech named Thrillchaser who, for some reason, was always looking at Phoenix whenever he would pass the youngling in the halls of the Lost Light. 

And then there were the times he would spot Thrillchaser when they were on other planets…

Does this mean Lightlost somehow managed to hunt Phoenix’s father down and torture him? But for what reason? Revenge on the behalf of another? Rodimus wasn’t sure if that sounded right. Not when both Phoenix and Tankcrusher sounded like they accepted that Thrillchaser wasn’t part of their family. Then again, the Lost Light was someone who was full of surprises. Maybe they had an ulterior motive behind it? Or maybe they simply wanted to have something to do? The thought alone made Rodimus shudder and fear for what they had planned next. 

“Hey, me talking about the things I loved to do with my conjux are no reasons to shudder.” Chuckled Tankcrusher, as she softly took Rodimus’ servos into her own and pulled them away from her mouth. Smiling warmly down at the prime, before smirking.  “But if you want something to shudder about, I could talk about that one time we went to that nice drive in theater and scared a bunch of organics.”

“Primus no! Bessie, please, don’t! I will let the doctor examine me, if you don't start talking about what you did in that theater!” 

Tankcrusher could only laugh, as she saw the comically wide eyes and panicked expression of Rodimus. If those opposing him could see him now, they would surely laugh at his expense. Although, she soon enough stopped, before softly patting the prime’s helm. This was the first time he called her ‘Bessie’. A name only those part of the family were allowed to use. “Alright, alright. I will stop, if you promise not to bite the good doctor when he gets too close to your face.”

“Tch. I can’t promise you anything.

After the examination was over, and the doctor didn’t lose a digit, both Tankcrusher and Rodimus made their way back towards the bakery. And while the femme told the speedsteer about the time she finally admitted that Thrillchaser wasn’t coming back, the prime slowly opened up about the things that happened to him. He didn’t tell her anything, but he somewhat explained why he reacted the way he did when she first took a look at him and why he nearly bit off the doctor digit, when he got too close. Earning a sympathetic look from the taller femme, before she commented on how she would love to meet this ‘Lightlost’ to give them her own two cents on the matter. To which Rodimus was quick to say “NO!” Letting her know that he wasn’t on board with her trying to fight Lightlost. Not when Phoenix seemed to still be attached to them.

While Rodimus and Tankcrusher had their small ‘adventure’, Phoenix was making sure everything was running smoothly at the bakery. Serving every customer to the best of his abilities, before going back into the kitchen to make another batch of cookies. Even Dominus helped out by delivering orders in a small basket to either the tables outside the bakery or to the nearby homes. Leaving Phoenix alone then and there, but only after the youngling reassured the turbofox that he would be alright. There was no Cybertronian who could come into the back of the bakery without him noticing after all. But then again, Lightlost wasn’t any other Cybertronian. So, Phoenix didn’t notice them, when they entered the bakery and walked straight into the kitchen. Only a small chuckle from the holo-avatar alerted the youngling to their presence, but by then, Lightlost had already placed their servos onto Phoenix’s shoulders. Pressing slightly down, which caused the youngling to supcounsicly make himself smaller while his wings went down in fear. Giving Lightlost even more leeway to loom over the already frightened youngspark and only adding more to his rising stress levels

“Hello there Phoenix.” Said Lightlost softly, as to not startle their little bird any further. But they couldn’t help the gleeful smile forming as they saw how the youngling tensed after hearing his name from them. Looks like their little ‘field trip’ hasn’t erased the memories of his correction. Good, no, perfect. It means that Lightlost still had something to work with and reassured them that Phoenix knew his place. “Do you know how worried I was after the captain and you left me? After you decided to leave me behind? What if something would have happened to you? I couldn’t live with myself, if someone dared to hurt the both of you.” They said, while moving their servos to slowly turn Phoenix around and hug him tightly. Softly patting his helm, while making sure he couldn’t escape the hug. “And just look at the mess you got yourself into, little bird. Do you really think anyone is happy with having you back on Cybertron? I’m sure that there are many who want you gone again. The looks of your customers sure enough prove it.” Lightlost said, as they smiled down at the youngling in their arms. “How about you come with me? I know what’s best for you after all.”

Phoenix didn’t know what came over him. Yes, he was confused. Oh so confused, because he still saw Lightlost as a parent, but at the same time, he couldn’t forget what they had made him go through. But at the same time, he suddenly didn’t feel scared, like he should be. He felt something else. An emotion he couldn’t place. Maybe it was confidence? Or maybe the fear made him go mad, because Phoenix took all his strength together and pushed Lightlost away from him. “NO!” If they thought they could come and take him back, they thought wrong. Phoenix won’t go back, not when he finally was with his mother again. 

Although, the little act of rebellion coming from Phoenix didn’t seem to make them happy. No, Lightlost looked unhappy, maybe even angry. And seeing that, made Phoenix shrink back in fear. 

“No?” Asked Lightlost. “Oh, I see how it is.” They said as they took one step back, but never leaving Phoenix a chance to run from them. “Oh Phoenix, Phoenix, Phoenix. Haven’t we had this talk before? Just because you think you’re so mature now, doesn’t mean that you know everything. But if you think you’re such a grown up mech, then go ahead. Walk out there and  have a talk with them, without this!” Phoenix’s optics widened as he saw Lightlost pull out his old visor. The visor that was taken from him the first time he boarded the Lost Light and one of the only things that has given him some sort of safety from his old crew. “H-how?” Was all the youngling could stutter.

“Do you really think they would tolerate you otherwise? Do you think they would talk with you, if you weren’t wearing this? I have seen their looks, Phoenix. How they stare at you. How they silently judge you. But if you truly feel like you’re more accepted by them than by me, then go ahead. Go out there and see how they treat you. But should you realize that they don’t accept you the way I have, then I won’t say I told you so.” Lightlost said, as they placed the visor into Phoenix’s shaking servos. Watching as the youngling’s optics filled with tears, while he clutched the visor close to his chest. 

And that’s the moment Lightlost decided to leave. Not only because they could see that they managed to do the first step of their plan, but also because the turbofox was returning. And they didn’t want him, nor Rodimus and Tankcrusher to know they were here. Not yet. 

“But if you truly believe that you can live amongst them, put them to the test, Phoenix. But don’t come crying to me, when my words come true.”

Living on Cybertron and with Phoenix’s mother was strange. 

Tankcrusher didn’t seem to mind having him living in the same space as her. Neither did she mind him spending his time at her bakery either. Rodimus thought that she would be more hostile towards him, but strangely, she wasn’t. She even jokingly introduces him to her customers as her “more cursed older son”, which, considering how Phoenix shares a liking to him, is a fair thing to say. It still makes Rodimus keep an eye on her though. No Decepticon who fought in the war would like him, even if he brought back their son who they thought was dead. Or, maybe she was hiding her dislike towards him deep down in her spark. That’s probably it. 

“If you keep zoning out like that, your cookie dough is going to grow legs and walk out the door.” Said Tankcrushe, which was followed by a small chuckle as she saw the prime’s look on his face. “What? It can happen. You would be surprised how many times Phoenix zoned out while helping me, only to find his dough gone.” Was all she said, before softly scooting Rodimus over, to continue his work. Quickly finishing the dough and carrying it over to Phoenix and Dominus, where the youngling started to cut out cookies as soon as he got it, while the turbofox was watching him. Getting some pieces of the dough then and there from the younger mech for taste testing, while also getting told stories from when Phoenix was still younger. 

After that, Tankcrusher walked over to Rodimus, grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him with her to the front of the shop. Where some customers were already waiting. “I think waiter duty would be better for you. Phoenix can handle the back.” She said, letting go of Rodimus and nudging him over to where some customers were already waiting. To which the prime let out one long groan, before grabbing a small note-pad and a tray. Giving Tankcrusher one dirty look and saying “You know I hate waiter duty.” But he knew that he couldn’t really do anything else or argue with the femme. 

So, Rodimus was stuck with waiter duty. Taking care of the customers orders and delivering them to their table. Cursing some of them underneath his breath. Especially the one who made him trip over their pede and slam nose first into the cake he was supposed to deliver to the table next to them. Rodimus was ready to rip that mech’s head off, if it wasn’t for Tankcrusher getting in between and politely telling the mech off for tripping her oldest son over and destroying a younglings birthday. Then she threw him out, while telling Phoenix that he had to take over the front, while she said that she would take Rodimus with her for a small look over. 

Something Rodimus didn’t like, because it made him feel like a youngling again. Or… No… It made him feel like he was with the Lost Light again. Something that made his sour mood  even worse. 

“Are you alright?” Asked Tankscrusher, as soon as she had Rodimus sitting down on the big chair in her office. Softly taking his face in her servos and turning it slightly up to have a better look at his nose. “I know that your fall was somewhat cushioned by the cake, but it still looked painful. Maybe we should have someone take a look at it?” She asked, before tilting her head slightly to the side in confusion. Rodimus didn’t look well. Quite the contrary, he looked frozen in fear, maybe even horror. Or was it shock? It was hard to tell. “Rodimus, what’s wrong? It’s okay. It’s just me.” Tankcrusher let go of the prime’s face in order to place a servo on his shoulder, but him slapping away her servo stopped her.

“Keep your fragging servos to yourself Lightlost!” Screeched Rodimus, as he quickly got up from the chair and jumped behind it. Using it as a shield in order to keep the femme away from him. “Just… stay away! Leave me alone! Please… leave me alone… I don’t want to go back… not again…” This was too much. He knew that it would all come crashing down at one point. Rodimus knew that pushing his issues back would bite him in the aft at one point, but he never imagined that it would happen like this. With him being reminded of the Lost Light in such a way, and in front of his brother's mother too. It made him feel small, it made him feel trapped, and worst of all, it made him feel like he was back on that cursed ship! Back in his chair. Forced to interact with Lightlost despite him not wanting to. 

Primus, what if this was just a dream all along? 

What if he imagined this whole journey? What if Phoenix was just a mech who managed to  get into the bridge, only to get killed by the Lost Light and his mind took the concept of a youngling stumbling upon him and twisted it into this grand story of a look-alike who became his brother? What if he was still in that chair, trapped, never dying? What if… what if… What if he will never be free? “No… please…” 

Rodimus didn’t know when he started to cover his audials with his servos, or when he knelt down, but that didn’t matter to him. He was too preoccupied with figuring out if this was his reality, or just a dream his tortured mind came up with to lessen the pain and loneliness he felt. But even if it was just a dream, he would still prefer it over anything else. Yes, dreaming about finding a family and escaping his captor was still better than waking up and being faced with the monotonous life on board the Lost Light. 

Rodimus flinched, as he felt strong arms slowly wrap around his body and pull him into a hug. And while he struggled at first, he slowly settled down into the embrace after realizing it wasn’t the Lost Light, nor their Holo-avatar hugging him. No, it was a tall strong femme with the same colouration as his brother. His brother… What would his brother think if he walked in right now? He would probably be worried. Yes, Phoenix would definitely be worried about him and asking all kinds of questions, while rushing over and hugging him. He would also start crying as soon as he saw his sorry aft having a mental breakdown, Rodimus was sure of it. 

“Heh… You must think of me as weak now…” Muttered the prime quietly, but got shocked when he got laughter as an answer. “You? Weak? Roddy, I’m allowed to call you that, right? Phoenix always calls you that.” Tankcrusher chuckled softly, as she placed a servo onto Rodimus’ head. “Either way, you’re one of the strongest mechs I have ever heard of. Not only because of the war, but also because of the things Phoenix told me… I can only imagine what it must have been like to be trapped in your own body and mind, but it must have been terrifying. But you fought your fear, while also protecting my little spark from anything that might have been a danger to him. I thank you for that.” She said, before adding. “Also, it takes strength to see the path one has taken, and even greater strength to change it. And you changed. You changed in a way not many can change.”

“I…” Rodimus was at a loss of words. Not only was he being held by a Decepticon, who showed him kindness when he deserved hate, she also smiled down at him, as if he was her own son. It was strange, unnerving and unknown, but Rodimus also found himself calming down. It was different than when he talked with Rung, or when Ultra Magnus tried to give him a lecture. But it also felt undeserving. He hasn’t done anything to deserve such a treatment. Yes, he has safed Phoenix and brought him back, but if it wasn’t for him, his brother would have never gotten into this situation. And then there were the countless victims of his rampages. Rampages, he only learned to regret after Phoenix managed to worm himself into his spark. 

And that’s what Rodimus told Tankcrusher. He told her everything, from when he fought for the Autobots, to what happened on board the Lost Light. Sparing no details, because he knew that he could tell her everything, not like Phoenix. And Tankcrusher listened to everything, with her only reactions being head nods, soft murmured words, or gentle head pats. It was comforting, in a strange, way. “And… then I started feeling sorry for a few things I did. I’m not sorry for everything, I doubt that I will ever feel sorry for all things I have done, but I… I don’t know. I kind of regret not  helping Dominus out when they domesticated him…”

“You’re probably only feeling sorry for him now, because you’re living with him. You’re seeing what your actions, or lack thereof, have done. It’s normal. Some Autobots I know, who have joined the Decepticons during the war, went or are still going through the same thing. Either way, we probably should get your nose checked by a medic. Better be safe than sorry.” Said Tankcrusher, before getting up with Rodimus in her arms. Causing the prime to let out a sound of protest, as she carried him out of the office and towards the front of the bakery, where she told Phoenix that they’re going to a medic for a quick check up. 

“You can manage on your own?” Asked the Tankcrusher, as her son quickly nodded in response. “I’m not a sparkling anymore mama. AND! I’ve been helping you out in the bakery since I was little. I know what to do. Don’t worry.”

“I know.” Was all Tankcrusher said, before going to a medic with Rodimus, leaving Phoenix and Dominus in charge of the bakery. 

It was time to return home, Rodimus knew that. He has been avoiding going back to Cybertron for quite a time now, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to see his home again. The Lost Light had changed him, Phoenix had changed him, and yet, the Cybertronians living on their home planet didn’t know that. They would surely throw him into jail the second someone recognized him. 

That’s probably why he made sure that Phoenix and he were wearing their ponchos, cowboy hats and weapons. Even though the youngling looked confused as Rodimus secured the scabbard on Phoenix’s side. “Better safe than sorry…” muttered the prime as he grabbed his brother’s servo and led him out of their ship and into the hangar. Making sure Dominus was with them, before locking their ship. After that, the three of them walked over to the counter where you usually registered your ship and paid for its stay here. But as Rodimus talked with the femme, he convinced her to skip the registration and simply let him pay for the parking spot, by handing her an extra amount of Shanix. Placing a digit to his lips in a hushing motion which the femme mimicked.

After that, the trio made their way outside and Rodimus was at a standstill. What exactly was he going to do now? He forgot to plan for the part where they were on Cybertron, and Cybertron has changed too. The bar he used to visit with Drift probably wasn’t there anymore either, or the place where he used to go racing. He didn’t even know which street they were on. Did the signs change too?

“Roddy…” Phoenix was whispering as he softly tugged on his brother's servo. Getting the older mech to look down at him. “Is it okay if I take the lead?” Asked the youngling, and after getting a quiet ‘yes’ from his brother, he was already leading Rodimus over to an alleyway. Despite the prime’s skeptic look. “I know my way around better with alleyways than the main street.” Was all he gave as an explanation as he led Rodimus and Dominus around the many alleyways of Cybertron. Pointing out some ways that shouldn’t be visited, unless you wanted to end up somewhere deep underground. Not that Phoenix had any experience of falling down one or two shafts and ending up in the lower levels. 

And after a while of walking, the group of three ended up in front of a small house. A house, Rodimus noted, could fit a small family, but he didn’t know why Phoenix would lead them here, until the youngling opened the front door. Motioning both Rodimus and Dominus to enter. “Ah… It looks like mama hasn’t changed anything around here…” Said Phoenix, after walking in behind the two older mechs and closing the door. “Well, the anteroom still looks the same. There’s even that dent I accidentally made when I first found out how to transform. Ah, that was a funny day. Mama was so proud of me for figuring it out all by myself!”

Rodimus couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as he saw how Phoenix’s plating slightly puffed up proudly as he kept on telling them about the first time he managed to transform, and how easy it was to transform back. “But I couldn’t fly right away. I mostly just drove around on floor like a weird car-jet.” The prime would have loved to continue listening to Phoenix, but the interior of the house got him curious. Everywhere he looked, there were pictures hung up. Pictures that were either taken on earth or from a sparkling Phoenix. Some would even have a big femme in them. A femme Rodimus was sure was Phoenix’s carrier. The color of her paint sure enough was the same as his brothers, despite there being some fuchsia in the mix. 

“Don’t you think your carrier would mind it, if there were two mechs she didn’t know in her house?” Asked the prime, to which Phoenix only shook his head. “Nope! Mama always liked it when I brought friends over! Well… I only ever brought my mantis friend over, but she always said that she wouldn’t mind me bringing more friends, as long as they are nice.” Phoenix was literally chirping like a little bird, as he pushed Rodimus into the living room and towards the couch. Making the speedster sit down on the small couch, before disappearing into a room that could only be the kitchen to get some Energon. And Rodimus could only shrug his shoulders and lean back on the couch, while watching Dominus trudge over to the chair next to the couch. Hopping onto it and making himself comfortable. 

“Just between us Dominus, I think this is the nicest place we have ever stayed at.” He said, while taking off his cowboy hat and placing it down on the coffee table. “I mean, no that I mind our ship, but the Freedom sure does get cramped now and then.” Sighed the prime, before taking another look around. Despite them being in a safe place, and Rodimus was sure that the Lost Light wouldn’t be able to find them on Cybertron that easily, he felt nervous. 

This was too easy. By now, he should have stumbled upon Thrillchaser again. But that strange mech hasn’t shown his ugly face for some time now. It’s like, as if he had stopped his hunt for a while. Something they should be glad about, the prime knew that, but considering who Thrillchaser worked for, this could only mean bad news. The Lost Light would never stop their search that easily. Rodimus was sure of that. Which meant they were planning something. Maybe a trap? Maybe they have acquired another hunter? What if they  hacked into the camera system and know where they are right now? Alone the thought of that made Rodimus nervous.

Rodimus was pulled away from his thinking when Phoenix came back from the kitchen. Carrying two cubes and one bowl of Energon with him. “Sorry that I took so long. I think Mama changed the layout of the kitchen a little… Which is strange, because we haven’t been that long gone, right? Two years, right?” Asked Phoenix, as he placed the bowl of Energon down in front of Dominus, before handing Rodimus one cube. 

“Maybe your mother just felt like changing some things up?” Rodimus offered, as he took a sip from the Energon. Watching Phoenix’s wings slump down, as the youngling muttered something under his breath before walking towards a set of stairs. Climbing them, and leaving the prime and turbofox alone again. 

“It was a bad idea to land here, don’t you think Dominus?” Started Rodimus, as he looked over at the turbofox, who was looking at him through squinted optics. “Not that I don’t want Phoenix to come home. Primus and Unicron know how much the kid deserves this. Especially after… the Lost Light… But I can’t help but think that this might be a trap. Or, at least this could become a trap. And I don’t know if we would be able to get out of it…” He muttered, before shaking his head. “Either way, at least this place isn’t dangerous.”

“Says you.”

Rodimus was quick to drop his cube of Energon and jump up, as he heard the voice of an unknown femme behind him, but he couldn’t do much. Whoever was behind him, they made sure he couldn’t move by holding his neck and pressing a knife against his side. Right in between his seems, where one wrong cut or precise stab could mean the end. 

“Now, I don’t know how you got into my home, but I sure enough will make sure that the only way you’re leaving will be, how humans say it, in a body bag.” Growled the femme, as she slowly pressed the knife even harder against the prime’s side. Causing Dominus to jump up from where he was sitting and bark at her. Something the femme didn’t seem to appreciate, but before she could yell at Dominus to shut it, she was stopped by Phoenix coming down from upstairs. Looking over the scene in front of him, and letting out a cry of distress as he saw how his mother was holding Rodimus. 

“Mama! Stop!” Screeched the youngling, as he quickly rushed down the rest of the steps. Running over to Tankcrusher and wrapping his smaller arms around the one holding the knife, while looking up at her with panicked optics. “Please, mama. They’re my friends! They’re family! Please. Drop the knife! Please. They aren’t dangerous! They aren’t!”

“You’re alive…” Was all Tankcrusher could choke out, as she dropped the knife, before wrapping her arms around her son. Holding him as if she was scared he would disappear any second. And in a way, it could happen considering who was on their trail. But for now, those worries were far away, because Phoenix was with his mama again. And Tankcrusher had her son back. She had her little spark back. 

“M-mama… you’re crushing me.” Giggled the youngling, as he softly hit his mothers arm to show that he wanted her to let him go. But all he got was a soft laugh from the tall femme. “I thought you were dead and now you want me to let you go?” She asked, before letting go of Phoenix and turning towards Rodimus with an apologetic look on her face. “Ah… I am… Sorry for nearly killing you. I just… reacted.” Said Tankcrusher, which was met with a shrug and a simple wave of a servo by Rodimus. “I get it. I really get it. I would react the same. I think I even have reacted the same once. I am… Rodimus by the way. And the turbofox over there is Dominus.”

“Rodimus? As in Rodimus Prime?” Rodimus shrunk back as he watched the tank look down at him through their visor? Helm thing? It was hard to tell what exactly the thing covering Tankcrusher’s optics was, but that didn’t matter either, because the femme still managed to sscare him. And as she moved her strong looking arms, Rodimus found himself closing his optics in case something bad would happen. But he was quick to open them again, as he felt Tankcrusher, well, crushing him in a hug. 

“You brought me my sparkling back. I thank you for that.”

“That’s… That’s nice and all… but you’re crushing me. 

And while Rodimus tried his best to get out of the crushing hug, Phoenix laughed at his brother’s misfortune, while Dominus watched the whole thing with an amused glint in his optics. 

But while a mother had a loving reunion with her son and his new friends. A single mech was standing outside the house. Having watched and recorded everything that went on through the window, before returning back to the ship circling the orbit. 

Thrillchaser knew that it was stupid of him to record what was going on. Especially after catching Tankcrusher nearly killing the prime, but he couldn’t not do it either. He already managed to anger the Lost Light by not hunting his prey for a while. So, he had to deliver something. Especially after they found out about him not capturing Phoenix when he had the chance to. The correction was the worst part. They didn’t manage to find the spark of emotions he hid, but they found another way of making sure that he wouldn’t go against them again. 

“She nearly killed my captain.” Said Lightlost calmly, while they were watching the recording Thrillchaser brought. “She nearly killed my captain! How dare she?!” Usually, they wouldn’t lose their calm demeanor that easily, but this was a special occasion. Their captain wasn’t with them. He was somewhere, where they couldn’t protect him. And worse, there was no way they could get to him now. 

“I want her gone. She’s a threat to my captain. A threat I can’t stand having around!” Lightlost was making sure that Thrillchaser couldn’t hear them thinking out loud. No, ever since he failed them, they grew wary of him. Maybe he was due for another correction, but this time, they would slowly take him apart. Piece by piece, until only his helm and sspark was left. And then, they would rebuild him. Slowly, painfully, to make sure he would never forget his place again. Maybe they could also lock Thrillchaser up in an empty room, just like they had locked away their little bird.

Their little bird…

Lightlost might not find Phoenix as important as their captain, but they would be lying if they said that they didn’t want their little bird back. It was, after all, refreshing having the youngspark run around their halls or talk with them. And, he was part of their crew too. Both Rodimus and Phoenix belonged to them, no-one else. No-one was allowed to have both except for them. They couldn’t have one without the other after all. 

One without the other…

Lightlost had a new plan. Why concentrate on capturing both, when one was enough? And if they played their cards right, they could also get rid of that annoying femme too. After all, if they concentrated on capturing the little bird, they could lure the femme towards their playing field and dispose of her. And once the femme was gone, they would use the youngling to lure their captain back. 

Yes. Lightlost knew that making that deal with Fools Shot would be worth it in the end. 

“Thrillchaser, find me a place to land. One that’s far away from anyone Cybertronian but close enough for me to project my Holo-Avatar into the city.” Said Lightlost after letting their Holo-Avatar fade away into nothingness.

“HOW DARE YOU COME HERE?!” Phoenix flinched as his mother’s booming voice rang through the home. Never in his whole life has he ever heard his mother be this angry at anyone. Yes there were times where she was irritated or enraged by someone, but never angry. It was unusual and scary. And the youngling's fears only grew, as he felt Rodimus let go of him. 

“Wait here.” Was all the prime said, as he made his way down the stairs and over to the front door. Rifle in his servos, just in case. After all, with Lightlost being on Cybertron, Rodimus couldn’t be too careful. So, he used a wall as cover, while watching Tankcrusher argue with whoever was there. Although, Rodimus was soon enough distracted by his brother walking up to him, followed by Dominus. “You know that I don’t like being left alone…” Muttered Phoenix, as he hid together with Rodimus and Dominus behind the wall. 

“I know, but considering we don’t know who’s there, I thought it might have been safer for you, if you stayed in your room.” Said the prime. Giving his brother no time to reply, as he placed a servo over Phoenix’s mouth. Silencing the younger mech, because both Tankcrusher and the unwanted guest fell quiet. 

“You… know… that I missed you… don’t you?” Came the soft whisper of a mech, whose voicebox was clearly damaged, or, at least, newly fixed. “I… am not asking for… forgiveness. I do not… deserve it. Not after hurting… you and Phoenix… but, Bessie… listen. You’re in… danger…. I can’t say more…. I  can’t, but, please…. run. Take the boys and run. Far away from here…”

“We haven't seen each other for years, Thrillchaser, for years, and now you show up only to tell me a lunatic is trying to get to my sons!?” Tankcrusher’s voice was deathly calm, as she grabbed Thrillchaser by the front of his armor and hefted him up to look him in the optics. “You left me alone with Phoenix. You left our sparkling without a sire! And now you’re back and endangering the lives of our son and his brothers? What kind of conjux does that?!”

“A… foolish one…” Thrillchaser couldn’t do anything else than hang there. He knew that coming here to warn Tankcrusher and the boys was a bad idea. Especially considering everything he’s done, but he couldn't do nothing either. Tankcrusher was, and still is, his  conjux after all. His one true love, and whatever little emotion he had left, compelled him to do the only right thing and warn her. If she listened to him was her choice though. “But… if you don’t believe me… then I will… go…”

“Go, and never return.”  Said the femme, as she set the flier down. giving him one strong push, before grabbing the doorknob. “Because I can see that the Thrillchaser I loved died a long time ago.” But before she could close the door, Phoenix rushed forward. Yelling a quick “Stop!” before pushing himself past Tankcrusher and grabbing Thrillchaser’s only servo. Stopping the mech in his steps. 

“Please… stop…” 

Phoenix was lost, as he looked up at the mech who he only knew as the silent observer Lightlost made walk around the Lost Light, or as the one who would watch him play the guitar and sing. But never would have Phoenix thought that this mech was his father. They shared no resemblance, except for the wings. Which only caused Phoenix to realize how much he didn’t fit into this family. “You… left because of me, didn’t you?” 

“Yes.”

“Have you ever thought about… about coming back?” 

Thrillchaser could hear the hope in Phoenix’s voice, as the youngling looked up at him. And despite the blackened visor, the flier saw the innocence his sparklings optics held. An innocent Thrillchaser thought about extinguishing the first time he saw him on that cursed ship. An innocent, that no-one seemed to be able to take from him. Be it Lightlost, Runningway, Thrillchaser, or any other being in the universe. And that realization caused Thrillchaser’s spark to ache worse than before, as he squeezed Phoenix’s servos, before letting go. Muttering a single “No” and turning around. Walking away, as the youngling stood there frozen. 

This was for the better, Thrillchaser told himself. He had no right to be in Phoenix’s life after everything he’s done. After he thought about killing his own sparkling just because he thought he was the dead prime reborn. So, Thrillchaser returned to the Lost Light. Already fabricating a story in his mind about how his ‘prey’ wasn’t home and how they might have figured out something was up and left Cybertron. But how was he supposed to make it believable? Every version he came up with had holes in it. Holes, the Lost Light would quickly pick up on and then they would know that he tried to warn them. 

“I see you have returned.” Came the Lost Light’s voice from all around him, as he stepped onto the bridge. He didn’t know why the shipformer cared for this room the most, but if he had to take a guess, it would probably have to do something with the empty captain’s chair, or the small nest of blankets and pillows a little bit farther away from it. Or perhaps it was the small painting depicting Lightlost, Rodimus and Phoenix all holding hands and smiling on the wall next to the nest. A painting clearly done by someone who was still learning. 

There was more than one painting scattered around the ship though. Thrillchaser has seen a few of them. Most were arrows pointing down hallways and towards doors, others depicted some of the dead Cybertronians on the ship or other things the painter deemed as interesting. He once tried to clean the bridge, the wall next to the provisionally bed in particular, but before he could even touch anything, he was stopped by a cable wrapping around his servo and harshly pulling him away from the painting. Thrillchaiser hasn’t tried to get all too close to the paintings afterwards. The Lost Light made it clear that they wouldn’t like it if he removed any of them and he didn’t want to needlessly agitate them. 

But now, as he took another look at the painting, Thrillchaser found himself wondering how deep Lightlost’s influence on the youngling runs. Phoenix is still attached to them, if his observations aren’t wrong, and after being forced to watch the security videos and having stalked the youngspark through the ship himself, Thirllchaser finds himself regretting leaving Tankcrusher and Phoenix all those years ago. 

Maybe if he had stayed, Phoenix would have never left Cybertron with his old crew and been subjected to whatever the Lost Light did to him. The prime would probably still be on this ship, trapped in an never ending circle of torture, but at least Phoenix would have been spared this ‘expirience’. 

But then again, Thrillchaser was a fool and fate would have probably found another way to write its story either way. 

“I didn’t think you would be back so soon, Thrillchaser.” Said Lightlost, as they let their holo-avatar appear next to the flier. Noticing how the usually emotionless mech got startled by this simple action. Something they found quite suspicious. “Why don’t you tell me about your findings? I’m sure that you have something very interesting to report. After all, you did visit your conjux’s home. Disobeying my orders in the process.”

This was a trap, Thrillchaser could feel it. Lightlost might not have said it outright, but he was  sure they knew what he did. They sure enough knew that he tried to warn them. But still, Thrillchaser tried to come up with a lie. But a lie created in desperation can’t convince anyone. 

“Do you really think I can’t see through your lie?” Asked Lightlost sweetly, as they walked away from Thrillchaser and over to the painting. Kneeling down in front of it, before running a loving servo over it. “Do you know how long I have waited for this chance? My captain and little bird are so close. All I have to do is reach my servo out and grab the little bird’s wings. Crushing them, so that he can never leave again. And then, all I have to do is wait for my captain to come to me. But, there’s just one little problem. Do you know what it is?”

Thrillchaser could hear the threatening tone underneath the friendly charade Lightlost put on. He has heard it many times before, but somehow, it scared him more than anything else now. So, he simply shook his head. Not trusting his voice to hide his slight fear.

“Really? You have no idea?” They asked, letting out a soft, amused chuckle afterwards. “Not even one guess? Ah, Thrillchaser, and here I thought you were clever. I see where Phoenix gets his naivety from. But I guess that’s the only thing he’s got from you. My little bird is way too good to be compared to someone like you after all.” That stung more than Thrillchaser thought it would, but Lostlight didn’t seem to stop there. “Maybe that’s why I’m his parent, and not you. I could give him something you didn’t, even though you had the chance to.”

“And… what is… that? Trauma? Fears? The… inability to socially function… outside the walls of a ship?” Asked the flier, as he flared his useless wings as best as he could. Thrillchaser might not have been there for Phoenix, he might have tried to get rid of his sparkling, but never has he done what Lightlost did. And yet, despite his threatening gesture, Thrillchaser found himself backing away as the Holo-avatar walked towards him. 

“Maybe I have installed one or two fears into my little bird, but the world outside is scary. How many of his crew have hurt him? How many have tried to kill him, despite him never doing anything to them. Even you tried to hurt him, no, you didn’t try.” They said with a smile. “You hurt him. Admitting to his face that he was the reason for you leaving and then saying that you never planned on coming back, imagen the toll of such a truth on his young spark. But, it only proves my point. There is no other place for him, than with me.”

“H-how…” Was all Thrillchaser could say, before cables dropped down from the ceiling. Wrapping around his body and making sure he couldn’t escape. He knew it, this was a trap from the moment he stepped onto the ship, and yet, he was still stupid enough to return. Maybe he should have stayed with them. Made sure that they left Cybertron, before the Lost Light realized, but then again, it would have just delayed the inevitable. 

“If you think I wouldn’t keep an optic on you, you thought wrong. I knew that I couldn’t trust you anymore. Not since you stopped following my captain and little bird for a while. Ah, and here I thought that giving you your voice back would change things. But I guess I thought wrong. Just means I have to take it from you again.” Was all Lightlost said, before leaving the  bridge and walking towards the medibay. Dragging Thrillchaser after them with their cables.

It didn’t take long for Lightlost to finish Thrillchaser’s little ‘operation’. Removing a voice box was, after all, easier than keeping their captain alive. Ah,but they could have also simply killed the mech then and there, but that would have been a shame. They put too much work into that flier than to just kill him. No, they will keep him alive a little while longer. Even if it’s just to let him witness the next steps of their plan. 

A plan, they were already setting in motion by making their way over to Phoenix’s old home. Although, Lightlost was stopped in their tracks by a tall femme who shared a similar paint job to their little bird. And while the femme made sure they wouldn’t be able to move further towards the house, they spotted Phoenix, Rodimus and that turbofox they picked up hide inside. Looking out through the windows. With Rodimus having taken position on the second floor, rifle in his servos and aimed at them. Always trying to fight his way out of a situation, although their captain taking a step back and not joining the fight in the front lines is something new. Maybe he’s finally starting to listen to them?

Either way, Lightlost came to catch a little bird and get rid of the mother bird. And they don’t really plan on going empty handed. 

So, they didn’t waste any second, and without any warning, Lightlost pulled out their spear and was quick to attack the femme. Landing one hit, before his weapon was blocked by her rifle. 

“You have something that belongs to me, Tankcrusher, and I tend to take it back.” Said Lightlost, as they took one step to the side, before quickly striking again. They could see that the femme wasn’t used to one on one compat, or, at least she hasn’t been honing her fighting skills for quite some time. Something, Lightlost had to admit they had in common, but then again, they had the advantage of being a Holo-avatar, while Tancrusher was not.

“As if I would let you get your servos on my boys.” Growled Tankcrusher back.

Their dance of death continued for quite some time. Neither of them were willing to give up on ending the other. But only one of them knew, there was only one end to this fight. And that only one would make it out ‘alive’. 

But Tankcrusher didn’t. And as she wrestled her weapon free from Lightlost’s and took her chance to shoot at the mech in front of her, she was stunned to see the shot move through Lightlost’s body and hit a lamppost behind them. And this was an opportunity the Holo-avatar did not waste. No, without a second doubt, they rammed their spear into Tankcrusher’s middle. Giving it a good twist, as if to make sure the femme would know that this was her end, before slicing her in half. Watching her bleed out in front of them, before quickly blocking an incoming sword strike from none other than their little bird. 

And here Lightlost thought that they had to drag the little bird out of its nest. 

“H-how?! MAMA!? Why!? WHY LIGHTLOST?!” Screeched the youngling, as he kept on swinging his sword. But the swings were careless and easy to dodge. “I thought… I thought you were… why?! Why kill my mama?!”

“She attacked me first, little bird. I simply defended myself.” They said, but their soft words didn’t seem to help soothe the younglings wild emotions. So, if soft words didn’t help, then they would use different ones and play on the youngling’s need of proving that he was a good kid. 

So, with a sad sigh, Lightlost looked down at Phoenix with a disappointed look in their optics, before saying. “Little bird... I'm not mad at you for attacking me. It's understandable, but it disappoints me that you would even think of doing it. Especially after I have proven time and time again, that I only mean well." And those words seemed to do the trick, because hearing and seeing Lightlost, his parent, being disappointed in him caused Phoenix to hesitate. Because, in a way, they were right. From what Phoenix could see, his mama attacked first. Leaving Lightlost no other option as to fight back. But then again, they didn’t have to kill her either. 

And as Phoenix looked down at the slowly dimming visor of his mama, he could no longer fight the tears. This was too much for him. It was too much for his poor spark, and he started to cry. Dropping his sword on the ground, to better hug himself. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. His mama wasn’t dying, and Lightlost wasn’t the one who did this. He’s just sleeping. 

Yes. He was sleeping and this was just a nightmare. 

Although, this was no dream, and deep down, Phoenix knew that. But the realization came too late, and as he looked up at Lightlost with teary optics, the youngling could do nothing against them as they hit him over the helm. Knocking him out successfully, before quickly catching him. And as they carried the youngling away from the scene, they could hear Rodimus and Dominus run towards them. 

But before they could even come too close, Lightlost turned around. Fixing both of them with a warning glare, disguised as a warm smile. Causing both of them to stop in their tracks, and Rodimus to hold Dominus back, in case the turbofo tried anything.

“Ah, my captain,” they said, “I would love to stay and celebrate our reunion but sadly, I have to go. This little bird is in need of some medical attention, and I doubt that the both of you could help him. So, please, try and find me after I have left Cybertron, because", they said with a sweet smile and cheerful voice, "I don't know what will happen to our little bird, if you don't show up. He might lose a leg, maybe his voice, or maybe..." Their smile distorted, until it was too sweet and kind, while they softly cradled the youngling's head to their chest. Gazing down at the ‘sleeping’ youngling with a smile. "Phoenix will lose his mind.” 

After they said that, Lightlost left for good. Carrying their little bird back towards his cage, but not before saying, “See you soon, captain."

And Rodimus and Dominus could do nothing else than watch Lightlost take the youngling away from them, for they knew that trying to do something now, would only lead to defeat and, maybe, another death. 

Phoenix hasn’t told anyone about who had visited him when he was alone. Mostly because he wasn’t sure if it truly was Lightlost or if he imagined them, but also because he was scared of what could happen if he did. He knew his mother. She wouldn’t take too kindly to someone talking to him like that. No. She would go out and try to fight Lightlost, and Phoenix didn’t want that. It doesn’t matter what they have done to him, Phoenix still didn’t want his parents to fight each other. He didn’t want either of them to get hurt. The thought alone caused Phoenix to let out a choked sob, as he quickly buried his face in his servos. 

No, he didn’t want anyone in his family to get hurt, no matter what they have done to him. He deserved it, didn’t he? Getting hurt for being a stupid sparkling who thinks he’s all grown up. Lightlost locked him up in that one hab-suite, because he was being a bad kid after all. So, he deserved getting hurt, not his family. Not Rodimus, not Dominus, or his mother. And his father wasn’t in the picture, so, it left only him. 

But Rodimus wouldn’t agree with that. He’s told him before that what Lightlost did was nothing a parent should do to their kid. They shouldn’t have hurt him, they shouldn’t have locked him up, they shouldn’t have deprived him of interaction with other living Cybertronians, and they shouldn’t have taken his wings. They should have never made him dependent on them, and yet, here he is. Stupid, stupid Phoenix who grew attatched to someone who only seemed to hurt him. Stupid, stupid Phoenix, who’s just a stupid little sparkling who never learned how bad the real world is. A sparkling that should have never left home… Ah, but where was home? Phoenix didn’t know. 

He felt at home, the second he came back. He felt at home here with Rodimus, Dominus and his mother, but he also felt at home with Lightlost. The Lost Light has been his home for a long time after all. At least, Phoenix thinks it’s been his home for a long time. It sure felt long. Very long. Very, very, very, very long. 

“Is it… is it wrong…” Muttered the youngling, as he took his servos away from his face to grab a pillow and hug it. Taking a look around his room afterwards. Ever since Lightlost’s visit, Phoenix hasn’t left his room. He didn’t want to leave his room, even if it worried his family. His room was safe after all. No-one could enter and he couldn’t leave it. The window was closed and the curtains were pulled down, and he turned his berth into a small, safe, nest. 

It was safe and calming. Something Phoenix needed right now. Safe, calm, and the fairy lights in his room kept the darkness away. Phoenix truly liked his room. He never wanted to leave again…

“Phoenix? I see you haven’t touched your Energon… and you didn’t even eat the Energon-Donuts I made. I really put a lot of effort into those…” Rodimus’ muffled voice came from behind the door, followed by knocking. He always came around at this time of day. Checking up on Phoenix and making sure the youngling would at least get his fuel, but seeing the tray untouched worried the prime. This behavior wasn’t new to him. He’s seen something similar on the Lost Light. Which could only mean something was going on in his brother’s mind. Something that might spiral into something dangerous, if he didn’t do something. 

So, with a heavy sigh, Rodimus kneeled down in front of the door and lock-picked it. He would apologize later to both Phoenix and Tankcrusher, but his brother needed him now. “Phoenix, I respect your privacy by knocking. But I’m asserting my authority as your brother and captain by coming in either way.” And with one strong shove, the door flew open. Sending Phoenix in a small frenzy, as the youngling quickly dove down from his bed and into the open closet. Shutting the doors quickly, while Rodimus picked up the untouched tray and entered the room. Closing the door behind. Afterwards, the prime let out a sigh, as he placed the tray down on the study table by the window, before sitting down on the ground before the closet. 

“Phoenix… I’m sorry if I scared you, but I had to come in. You haven’t left your room for almost a week. The customers from the bakery are wondering where the ‘friendlier brother’ is.” Said Rodimus, before letting out a long groan. “And frankly, I can only deal with them so much, before I’m going to punch their stupid faces.” He laughed, but not for long. Not after hearing soft whimpers coming from within the closet. “Phoenix? Please… tell me what’s wrong…”

“They… they don’t say that…” Was all the youngling could choke out, before the whimpers turned into sobs, and the sobs into crying. “They can’t even… even look at my face without my visor. So, they wouldn’t miss me. None of them would miss me! They never did!” Phoenix was screeching at this point. Crying and yelling how no-one cared about him. How he always had to hide behind a visor, because how else was he supposed to talk with other mechs and femme? How was he supposed to look others in the optics, when they turned away as soon as they saw his face? The face of a dead mech. “Lightlost was right! They were right all along. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. The only place I ever belonged to was… was… was on the…” 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Phoenix.” Rodimus didn’t mean to sound as harsh as he did, but there was no other way to make the youngling stop screaming his spark out. “You don’t believe that. You can’t seriously believe that. You belong here. You belong with your mother, with Dominus, with me. And if you don’t, then there are still Softstreet and Fungus. And if you don’t want to belong with them, then, by all means, see if the Scavengers would take you in. I bet they would. And, if not, I don’t think the DJD would turn you down. Not when Dominus drags your sorry aft over to them.” Rodimus couldn’t help the small chuckle escaping him, as he thought about it. His brother truly had more places to choose from than he had. If anything, Rodimus didn’t belong anywhere, not Phoenix.

“D-domi would really do that… wouldn’t he?” The prime could hear his brother chuckle from behind the closet door. Something that caused him to let out a soft sigh. This was good, hopefully. Phoenix chuckled and hasn’t thrown him out yet. “I bet, if he could, he would file out some kind of guardianship, or something. I wouldn’t expect anything else from him.” He joked, before slowly reaching out and opening the closet door. Watching Phoenix flinch away, while he himself opened his arms for a hug. A hug, that was soon enough returned by his brother. Although, something was off. Very off.

“Phoenix… where did you get that visor from?” 

Rodimus could feel Phoenix tense, before looking up at him. And yep, Rodimus didn’t imagine it. There was the visor in all its not transparent glory. He didn’t like it. Phoenix had told him why he had it, why he used it and how he had lost it. And seeing it now, caused a bad feeling to settle down in his tank. This wasn’t a good omen. No, this was bad. Really, really bad. 

“Phoenix… please. I know that you had a similar visor, but Lightlost took it from you.” Said the prime, as he looked down at his brother and his grip on him grew tighter. “Don’t tell me…”

“They… they gave it back.” Was all Phoenix whispered, before both of them heard the front door bell ring. 

And for a moment, everything was quiet, until Tankcrusher’s voice ran through the house like thunder.