#taarof

تعارف !

در ایران

On November 2, 2020, I decided to make sabzi polo (dill rice) with saffron tofu for my roommates. I became vegan around two years ago so over time I have learned how to “vegan-ify” my favorite Persian dishes. An easy alternative to the usual saffron chicken kabob is to use tofu or fake chicken. I did not use an official recipe but instead remembered what my mom had taught me. First, I started to boil the rice in a pot. While it was cooking, I mixed my spices in another bowl with oil and waited patiently for the rice to be al dente. After I drained the rice, I oiled the bottom of the pot well for the tahdig and poured the rice back in. Then I started “fluffing” in the spices in the rice and I let it cook again. While I was waiting, I mixed the saffron, onions, sumac, and oil for the tofu marinade and sauteed them with a frying pan. When the rice finished cooking, I had to flip the pot over onto a plate for my tahdig dome. Surprisingly, I managed to do this somewhat smoothly! From cooking, I obviously recalled basic cooking knowledge but more importantly, I got to experience the Persian concept of taarof and enjoyed sharing a homemade meal with my roommates. At first, they only took a small amount of food and I finally felt the frustration of my relatives when I did the same at family gatherings. Following my relatives’ footsteps, I immediately pushed them towards taking more. My experience strengthened my perception of Persians prioritizing hospitality towards their guests and how meals are an easy way to unite people after a long day of school or work. My roommates, unknowingly so, also participated in taarof. They knew I was tired after cooking so they offered to clean the table and dishes for me after we finished eating.

Culture and traditions are full of ideas for storytelling games. When I was travelling in Iran in 2008, whenever I needed to pay someone, the taxi driver, the restaurant or a shop, I had to go through this funny negotiation game called Taarof.

Every time the sellers would refuse the payment at least four or five times. First time I encountered it in a restaurant, it was a bit of a surprise. I had no idea what this practice was about, subsequently discovered that it is part of the Iranian culture, a form of curtesy towards guests.

Once I was walking in a park (Iranians love their parks) I walked passed a large family. They greeted and offered food, I say no, thank you, they insisted. This went back and forth few times, I eventually accepted the offer. After I was a bit uncertain whether this was a genuine offer or a case of Taarof.

Here is how the Persian Gift Game is played: Split the group in pairs. Designate who is going to be A and B, shake hands and hold the handshake until you reach conclusion. A gives a random gift to B. B refuses the gift at least five times by making various excuses. Then A comes up with more reason why B should accept the gift. Then B gives a random gift to A, so on so forth, keep going back and forth few times for about five minutes.

Here is an example:

A: Here is a box of my favourite chocolates, I ordered them specially for you from Harolds. B: Thank you very much, that’s awfully nice of you. I just can’t accept because they are so expensive.

A: Oh, please take them, I wanted to give you something special for your birthday. B: I know how much you care about my birthday and you’d like to give me special gifts. However I simply cannot accept.

A: If you open the box and taste one, you will see what I mean. These are the best chocolates ever made. B: They are wrapped in a such a beautiful and intricate design packaging by Salvador Dali, I simply cannot accept. I think the packaging is worth more than the chocolates.

A: Yes, such an exquisite packaging, you can frame the packaging in fact. B: Yes, I have not any space left in my house for any more wall hangings. Thank you very much though.

A: Well, look at it this way, it’s a very special gift for a very special birthday. After all I can afford to be a bit extravagant sometimes. B: Yes, indeed, very extravagant. I live a very frugal life myself, not to mention that I am diabetic I can’t eat anything sweet.

Ask the group for feedback at the end and see whether there is any learning and/or insights gained. This game can help with building negotiation skills, help in learning to deal with ambiguity and uncertainty. Help with not to succumb to pressure and come up with endless excuses to save your skin.

Nat Tsolak

Humorous tutorial on taarof ...Iranian etiquette on steroids.