#symphonysoldier

honestly the “Symphony Soldier” album by The Cab is stucky as an album. let me demonstrate

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Angel With a Shotgun:

pre serum steve and bucky with his overprotective loving ass

they say before you start a war you better know what you’re fighting for / well baby you are all that i adore / if love is what you need a soldier i will be

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La La:

pre hydra bucky, post serum steve!

i say anything i can to get me more than just a dance / tell me where to put my hands / you know that you could be my favourite one night stand

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Grow Up and Be Kids:

post civil war bucky and steve, reminiscing their childhood

back then i’d live forever / and grow old / i’d keep my friends warm when times got cold

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Her Love Is My Religion:

bucky and steve pLEASE

we talked until believe / gotta find our destiny / i’ve got her and she’s got me

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Intoxicated:

bucky and steve AGAIN PLEASE

in a room full of frozen faces / in a moment of fractured time / we eclipse in conversation / as the words pass us by / with you we could be the only ones here

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Endlessly:

you guessed it; bucky and steve!! gives me the pre hydra bucky, post serum steve vibes too

and there’s no guarantee that this will be easy / it’s not a miracle ya need / believe me / yeah i’m no angel i’m just me / but i will love you endlessly / wings aren’t what you need / you need me

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Living Louder:

a song i’ll imagine stucky listening to during ca:tfa, revisiting it again after endgame either alone, or together

cause we’re all just kids / who grew up way too fast / yeah the good die young / but the great will always last / we’re growing older / but we’re all soldiers tonight

Is it normal to cry for no reason at all? Or is that just me. I don’t cry at 1am if that’s what you wonder about but I just... It’s not even been a long day. Nothing bad has happened. I wasn’t even thinking about anything bad. But all of a sudden I cry and get upset. Randomly.Still it could be worse , I could be hearing voices , or even worse seeing visions inside my head. In a way I think hallucinations are easy , you just shut your eyes and it’s gone but when you have it in your head , there’s no escape.

I suppose I’ve been thinking about my ex and my crush and if it will ever happen. Listening to ‘The Cab -Endlessly’ , and when it says ‘It’s not a miracle you need , believe me’ pft , maybe to cope with me you do. Then the ‘It’s not going to be easy’, well no , when is life ever.It also says ‘I can be perfect for you’ , only I’m not. I need to lose weight , talk languages , get A’s , go to bed at a good bed time (11:30) and exercise everyday. I’m nothing like what you deserve.

After this my ex says ‘Been looking through your FB and you don’t look hardly different’ when they have lost weigh and seemed to have sorted some of their life out... I just feel like I’ve failed.

I suppose that’s depression or any mental health thing but I’m undiagnosed. Another problem to solve. Even the little things can seem so big , like tidying my room. I can’t sleep. Nothing bad will happen , paranoia can kick in at any point and it’s scary just living and coping. I suppose that’s why I cry , I’ve had counselling and my counselor says it’s like I’m lost after all what’s happen , but I don’t think it’s that I’m lost. I think it’s that I’m found, and what I’ve found isn’t what I expected or broke my heart or soul. Maybe this is too deep , but this is why Mental Health isn’t a joke and fundamentally spoils my day everyday, because I know I have to hide here.