#swsbingo

Still; she couldn’t help the slight hesitation before saying yes to the job on Aldhani. It was no more than a secondary hiccup, very quickly outweighed by the prospect of doing some real damage to the Empire. But there was a lingering apprehension knowing she would be rooted to one place with an unchanging group of people for months on end. Three to six, they were predicting. Anything past the three month mark would be the longest she’s stayed in a place for as long as she can remember.

::

Once on Aldhani, though, the routine and underlying tension of their slowly approaching heist were enough to keep her from getting too comfortable. It also helped that knew how this ended. Either it went poorly, and she’d be dead; or, if successful, she would leave this place behind, covering her tracks as she went, never to see any of the crew again for their own safety.

Except—

Looking at Vel’s sleeping face in the gray dawn light, so close to her own, she wasn’t so sure about that last part anymore.

The thought of walking away felt akin to severing her feet from her body. She would do it if she had to, but it would be an agonizing crawl to leave all this—to leave Vel—behind. A new hold carved out of her heart that had no hope of ever being filled.

She’d been on Aldhani nearly four months. Four months of secretly rewriting her own rules. Four months of her carefully constructed walls being chipped away at. She hadn’t even realized there was a crack in them at all until one day, two months in, when Vel had offered to help with the dray.

There had been some initial complications with the dray, and for the first month at their encampment, they’d only had a single one of the animals to take care of. Cinta had gladly taken up the task. But when they’d finally gotten the rest of the promised herd, it helped to have extra hands.

Cinta knew from Vel’s interactions with their first single dray that she wasn’t at all used to being around livestock. It was amusing—but nothing much Vel had to worry about, and Cinta didn’t put in too much extra time thinking about it.

Until they had more of the beasts and Vel offered to help tend to them, that is. Cinta had stood off to the side, watching and waiting to see how Vel handled it. Poorly, was the answer.

It happened fast—one moment, Vel sitting on the squat wooden stool, metal bucket under the female dray’s udder to milk it; and the next, the dray was letting out a high-pitched bleat, bucking away and knocking Vel over. She landed on her ass in the mud, and at the look of astonishment on her face, blue eyes wide—Cinta promptly burst into laughter.

She’d meant to keep it contained as quiet giggles. But once the laughter started, she couldn’t seem to stop.

Vel’s shock twisted into a scowl, carving a line deep between her brows.

But still Cinta had laughed. Until tears pricked in the corners of her eyes and her ribs ached. Until Vel’s face softened and she started laughing too.

When her peals of laughter finally started to recede, she came to two conclusions. One, she was quite certain she had not laughed that hard since before her family was murdered by the Empire. And two, the ache from her ribs remained, tightening around her heart as she realized it was Vel who was the source of her joy.

That crack in her façade revealed itself, whittled away by the woman in front of her, just large enough for her to squeeze through.

It doesn’t matter. You’re not staying once this is all over, she told herself. Even as she reached out a hand to Vel, smiling a quick “sorry, let me help,” and trying not to blush when Vel smiled back, muddy hand wrapping around her own.

Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving, she chanted to herself later as she washed Vel’s muddy fingerprints from her hands.

::

In the two months since then, the crack had only widened, the space now big enough for Vel to lay beside her in a shared bedroll.

In that time, she’d gifted Vel more smiles, more quiet laughter when they were alone. She’d let Vel comb through the long locks of her hair, squeezing her eyes shut against tears as she was reminded of her mother’s fingers deftly doing the same. Vel’s newly calloused fingers were gentle; her lips equally so when she’d kissed the tears from Cinta’s cheeks.

And last night, with Skeen and Nemik gone out of the valley to trade supplies with some locals, and Taramyn on watch duty, leaving the two of them in the main encampment by themselves, she’d finally let Vel strip her bare.

It hadn’t been particularly neat—a tangle of limbs and clothes left half on to protect against Aldhani’s chill; a hint of chattering teeth between panted breaths; all over far too soon, without the luxury of time or true privacy or a real bed. But the bliss buzzing in her blood afterwards was unlike anything she’d felt with anyone before then.

And from the haze-happy grin on Vel’s face as they’d layered back up into more clothes and tucked themselves together in to share a bedroll, Cinta knew she felt the same.

Now, blinking awake to the dull light of dawn, Cinta couldn’t help but stare at Vel’s soft sleeping face. Her forehead was smooth, free of the usual lines of stress brought upon by her role as leader. Their legs were tangled together under the blankets, as much for warmth as to be close to one another. Cinta’s gaze drifted down, to where one of Vel’s hands was loosely curled into the front of her vest. Like she was afraid Cinta was going to slip away, even in sleep.

Cinta supposed in the past that would’ve been true.

Any intimate relationships she’d previously had never lasted more than a night. She’d always snuck out before morning. Mostly to keep them from asking her to stay, but also to keep herself from accepting the offer.

Keep moving. Don’t look back.

No such morning after urge to walk away rose up in her now.

It was a far more terrifying feeling that crawled into her throat as she tucked herself closer to Vel, pressing a featherlight kiss to the tip of her nose.

She felt steady; grounded. Like she didn’t want to leave, maybe ever.

It felt a lot like staying.

And maybe stay sounded like home; but home was starting to sound a lot like Vel.