#swordguy

Unfortunately, I am here to report terrible news. So, please come closer and pay attention, as this is of interest to the entire Ohio community and regional area.

DO NOT ASTRAL PROJECT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF OHIO CAMPUS GATE!

This is not a shitpost, nor a prank, nor some crappy fanfiction. This is real life, and I will be telling you exactly what happened to me.

I need you to just believe me on this one and don't ask for my resume on astral projection BECAUSE THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.

It was around 2 am when, after a lot of mental wandering, I ended up projecting myself near the campus. With my dissertation defense approaching, my subconscious ended up taking me to the cradle of all my current nightmares, so naturally I ended up finding myself at the foot of the campus entrance gate.

And there he was: the astral warrior.

For some years now, I've encountered him, dressed in silver armor that perfectly reflects the light of the full moon. There, standing in the middle of the arch between the four brick pillars, he holds a two-handed longsword, with a blade as sharp as the purest diamond in this world.

The undergods whisper his name.

Probably.

Initially, my encounters with him were peaceful, in which I sought to keep my distance, merely as an observer, unable to escape my inclination towards analysis and academic research.

However, I couldn't imagine, little did I know, that he was also studying me.

Every night, for a period that even I can't pinpoint exactly, he analyzed and documented me in his own mind. All my patterns, all my behavior compounds.

ALL MY PAJAMA PANTS AND BAND SWEATSHIRT COMBOS EVEN.

I, naive and inexperienced, consumed by arrogance, believed I had the upper hand in that situation.

BUT THIS FOOL WAS COMPLETELY WRONG.

ALL THIS TIME, HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD THE ADVANTAGE OVER ME, AND I, WEAK AND DEFENSELESS AS A RUSHED RABBIT, WAS HUNTED AND DESTROYED, ATTACKED LIKE INCAPACITATED PREY.

He launched at me, delivering blows left and right, so many that my poor, burned-out post grad brain took a solid ten minutes to comprehend just what in the goddman hell had just happened.

Even after training for months, trying to escape his possible ambush, I was unable to defend myself.

Even after all this time, all the researched, all the countless hours pestering my friends and boyfriend about this.

Even so

I still got my butt kicked by a random ass astral projecting dude

Therefore, please, if you are reading this: DO NOT GO THERE. I'M SERIOUS, DO NOT ASTRAL PROJECT INTO OHIOU CAMPUS GATE MAN I'M SERIOUS PLEASE DON'T DO THAT

But, if you do end up there