#swiftbar

Swift Foot: Let me? Let me? Do you have any idea who it is that you’re speaking to?! I am Swift Foot the Stealthy! Youngest daughter of King Diomedes, Crown-Princess of the Great Thracian Empire! And though I stand here now, many miles removed from my homeland, make no mistake! I am equally as powerful here as I am there! My ruthlessness is unmatched by that of even the fiercest dragon! My mastery of espionage is so thorough it would make a Changeling weep with envy! And my magic is on par with that of even the most learned unicorn! There are few who can oppose me, and even fewer who dare to try. So let me be perfectly clear, my coastal colored friend. I will do exactly what I want to do whenever it is that I want to do it. And there is nothing you can do to stop me.

Sandbar: … Okay, fine then. I’m telling Yona. (walks away)

//i think you did the meme wrong but I wanna see sleip kicked in the balls as much as the next person. 

Swift Foot: Ah, I see what you mean. No problem, Sandbar, I’d be more than happy to gather up those-

Sandbar: You’ll watch her for the afternoon while I check out the forest? Great! Here you go! Just try and keep her entertained for a few hours. You’ll do fine! Just make sure she doesn’t eat any sugar or go to the bathroom by herself, okay? Greatthanksloveyousomuchhkay byeeeeeee! (dashes off at a cartoonishly face past, leaving a cloud of dust behind in his wake)

Swift Foot: WAIT, WHAT?! HOLD ON, I DIDNT AGREE TO-!! SANDBAR COME BACK, I’M NOT…good with….kids. (awkwardly looks down at Coral Currents) Ummmm… Hello?

Coral Currents: Hi, my name Coral Currents! I’m four years old and my mom says I’m not allowed to play with markers anymore! Your hair is really pwetty!

Swift Foot: ….

—-

(Several hours later…)

Sandbar: Hey guys, I’m back! Sorry, didn’t mean to rush out on you like that, I just wanted to make sure I could gather enough of the… herbs… wha-?

Swift Foot: (cradling Coral in a hoof made baby pouch and wearing matching sunglasses with her) She’s mine now.

Sandbar: Swift-

Swift Foot: You forfeited her into my care. That makes me her new legal guardian.

Sandbar: No.

Swift Foot: Your former sister has been annexed in the name of the great Thracian empire, and is now under the direct care of the Royal Crown. All those who oppose her shall face swift and utter annihilation, and their children and their children’s children shall know nothing but pain and turmoil for the rest of their waking days.

Sandbar: … Okay then. So how was your day, Coral?

Coral Currents: Miss Swift Foot says I’ll be a warrior princess when I grow up!

Gallus: (when Sandbar is out of ear-shot) Oh, hey, Swift? Break his heart again, I’ll kill ya. Nothing personal.

Swift Foot: You’re very protective of him, Gallus. You always have been.

Sandbar: It’s cool, I don’t really care about that stuff.

Swift Foot: (gesturing to Sandbar) And I love my girlfriend’s boyfriend.

Swift Foot: (gesturing to Gallus) And I tolerate my girlfriend’s boyfriend’s boyfriend.

Swift Foot: O-Oh?

Sandbar: I mean, I know you didn’t actually go through with it, but remember when you flawlessly exploited our emotional vulnerabilities and become our friend so you could betray us and tear apart our friendship as part of your father’s plot to destabilize relations between Equestria’s allies?

Swift Foot: Sandbar, I am so sorry that I-

Sandbar: That was kinda hot.

Swift Foot: … That- What?

Sandbar: On a completely unrelated note, I now get why Headmare Starlight gets so much game.

Swift Foot: …

Sandbar: Anyway, that’s all. See ya.