#surfacetension

        A frustrated puff of air escapes from Leo’s nostrils as he finishes the final swing of an advanced move, freezing in frame as he catches his breath. Moonlight filters through the grate over the large oak tree behind him, a flash of white catching on the edge of his patterned blade. Despite the hours of training, the hours of attempted meditation and journaling, nothing he does dampens the fear in his heart. He’s not one to lose hope, but with little to no evidence of you in the city, his nightmares are filled with the worst taunts of potential realities. He tilts his blade a fraction, just enough to catch his reflection in them. His white eyes stare sharply back, his blue mask damp with sweat. He used to think the thought of you dying at the hands of a mutated Shredder was the most terrifying. He remembers the countless nights he’d shoot upright in bed, his hand pressed firmly against his plastron as the visual of the Super Shredder’s large hand gripping around your throat, a dagger-mutated fist driven into your ribs, and red running down the black asphalt… Leonardo takes a shaky breath and blinks his white eyes back to blue, remembering the night he walked across the hall to find you perfectly safe across the hall, standing sleepily in your doorway. He remembers your rosy cheeks, how you tiredly rubbed your eye, and the sweet sound of your voice as you asked him what was wrong. His heart throbs. If only he could do that now. Would he ever be able to hear your voice again? His eyes stare back into his storm-ridden soul, restless thoughts flitting past them. In a swift motion, he disengages the stance and skillfully spins his swords to sheath them on his shell. 

        Leo takes a deep, unsettled breath and walks over to the shrine his late father created for his family. He unstraps his swords and leans them against the small cabinet, staring at the newly added photos on the floating shelves. He finds your beautiful face and traces your features with glossy eyes. “I will find you,” Leo says just above a whisper. He speaks it as a promise, a vow. Something as sure as the breath in his lungs. Tears prick the corners of his eyes, and he closes them, his head bowing slightly. He can’t fall apart now; he isn’t allowed to. Instead, Leo imagines you standing behind him, your arms wrapped tightly around him, palms pressed flat against the front of his plastron. He imagines your warmth enveloping him, and for a moment it actually feels like you’re there. 

        There isn’t a single room in this lair that doesn’t remind him of you. The dojo, his room, your room, the hallways, the common area, the lab, the kitchen… They all say the same thing: you were here. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter, his chest aching, his stomach a twisting mess. He clenches his fists at his sides as the memories of you replace his worried thoughts. This dojo, around the same time of night, was the first time you held his hand. He was just coming back from sneaking out to help Karai and Shinigami, dressed in all black, and you were fighting the turmoil in your soul that the Shredder had placed there, up late practicing your katas. He remembers the countless nights he would come back from patrol to find you bundled up in your patchwork blanket on the couch in the common room, having tried to wait up for his return, but unable to keep your eyes open. And the first time you genuinely smiled at him, and how his heart skipped a beat. All of the evenings he’d find you rushing around the kitchen, busy cooking something amazing for his family. Game nights, movie nights, sitting close enough to each other that he could feel your warmth, but not so close that he’d raise the suspicions of his brothers. He was too afraid of the change then. The what-ifs. How stupid he feels to know he once felt that way about you. If he knew then what he knows now, he would have jumped into the newness of it all with both feet and left behind all of the panicked worry and insecurities behind, just to spend another day with you at his side. Then he remembers the bittersweet feeling after watching you walk out the door with Casey and April to experience a movie theater for the first time, and the spike of jealousy he felt when you returned wearing Casey’s black sweatshirt. He couldn’t stand it! The thought makes him chuckle, a watery, humorless laugh that bursts from his gut before he can stop it. He was so jealous then. But the first time you kissed him? It’s a memory he holds closest to his heart. Standing atop a roof, the sun rising to his left, shadows of blue and gray cast to his right. The familiar scent of your shampoo, and your warm hands caressing the back of his neck, tangling in the tails of his blue mask…

        A sharp emotion stabs through Leo’s chest, and he inhales quickly, bracing himself against the wall beside the shrine. Memories of you flood his thoughts, his senses, and he doesn’t dare stop them. Every sensation of you is one he hopes to hold onto for eternity. Even the memories that hurt. The memories where he let you down, where you were injured on patrols, the pain you experienced as your traumatic memories resurfaced, nearly drowning in the lair, all of it. Whether it brings him joy or brings him to his knees, Leo will remember everything about you and keep those thoughts tucked safely into his heart until the day he can make new ones with you again. And if he ever gets the chance to, he won’t take a single moment for granted. Leo swears that he will live in the fullness of all that is you, giving you equal parts his heart and the freedom for whatever life it is you want to choose. 

✨A/N: What's this?? An update???? Wow. I guess it is. I am very, sincerely, sorry that it's taken so long to update this story. I've removed the "weekly updates" note from the title, so that I'm not making any more false promises. If you have enjoyed this series so far and want to see it finished, please be friendly and drop a comment here or reach out via my Tumblr! 💙 Thank you, and I appreciate you all!